It's something that the people Katsuki cares about have in common - pushing him back when he pushes them. Izuku. Eijiro. People who don't go easy on him, who challenge him, who make him try. That's what really gets him, people who make him try. All this time, while they've been in this place and bonding a little more than they had back home by merit of being around each other almost constantly, he's been thinking slowly of Izuku as more of a friend than just a rival. Someone who he can rely on, who'll always be there for him - and Katsuki doesn't have a lot of people like that in his life.
All that time, he's been thinking of Izuku as a friend without realizing how different this feeling is from what he feels for Eijiro, the only other person he really thinks of as a friend. Eijiro makes him feel supported and safe, like he'll always be there, sure. But with Izuku, there's something else. It's not just supported and safe, though Izuku makes him feel those things too, but other stuff. The protective instinct he gets, the fact that he likes the scent of Izuku's sweat, the fact that he likes being held by him and isn't protesting. He should be protesting. He's actually pretty angry at himself for not protesting.
But then, as he's winding himself up to push away from his comfortable position in Izuku's arms and insist he doesn't need him, Izuku says that he's not scared of getting hurt, but if anything bad happens to Katsuki, he stops thinking. That makes his heart beat hard, almost painful in his chest, and he takes a deep breath that shakes more than he'd like it to. From fear. From excitement. Sloppy.
"You're like that with everyone." he says, his voice low and alert, a little curt, "This is what I mean when I say it freaks me out that you put everyone else ahead of yourself." He realizes his hand is shaking a little bit against Izuku's belly, because he's feeling it so hard, that feeling he gets when he thinks about Izuku throwing himself into danger just to protect some asshole who doesn't deserve it. To protect Katsuki. It was a lot worse, when Izuku was completely helpless, Quirkless, but it still comes now, that wave of emotion, making the retorts and sniping comments and bullying feel all too easy because those things mean pushing Izuku away. Pushing him away had always been what he wanted, deep down, because feeling this is too much, it hurts, this combination of fear and admiration and respect and affection, because Izuku's voice is wobbling and he's being sweet and Katsuki knows now that that doesn't mean he's looking down on him.
"Who's supposed to protect you, when you need it?" he asks, his voice still rough, hoarse, and curt, and he pushes a hand against Izuku's shoulder, shaking a little, his face still hidden in the crook of the other boy's neck, "Who's supposed to make sure you're eating and drinking and taking care of yourself, huh? Your mom won't always be around, you know. Do you expect me to do it or something?"
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All that time, he's been thinking of Izuku as a friend without realizing how different this feeling is from what he feels for Eijiro, the only other person he really thinks of as a friend. Eijiro makes him feel supported and safe, like he'll always be there, sure. But with Izuku, there's something else. It's not just supported and safe, though Izuku makes him feel those things too, but other stuff. The protective instinct he gets, the fact that he likes the scent of Izuku's sweat, the fact that he likes being held by him and isn't protesting. He should be protesting. He's actually pretty angry at himself for not protesting.
But then, as he's winding himself up to push away from his comfortable position in Izuku's arms and insist he doesn't need him, Izuku says that he's not scared of getting hurt, but if anything bad happens to Katsuki, he stops thinking. That makes his heart beat hard, almost painful in his chest, and he takes a deep breath that shakes more than he'd like it to. From fear. From excitement. Sloppy.
"You're like that with everyone." he says, his voice low and alert, a little curt, "This is what I mean when I say it freaks me out that you put everyone else ahead of yourself." He realizes his hand is shaking a little bit against Izuku's belly, because he's feeling it so hard, that feeling he gets when he thinks about Izuku throwing himself into danger just to protect some asshole who doesn't deserve it. To protect Katsuki. It was a lot worse, when Izuku was completely helpless, Quirkless, but it still comes now, that wave of emotion, making the retorts and sniping comments and bullying feel all too easy because those things mean pushing Izuku away. Pushing him away had always been what he wanted, deep down, because feeling this is too much, it hurts, this combination of fear and admiration and respect and affection, because Izuku's voice is wobbling and he's being sweet and Katsuki knows now that that doesn't mean he's looking down on him.
"Who's supposed to protect you, when you need it?" he asks, his voice still rough, hoarse, and curt, and he pushes a hand against Izuku's shoulder, shaking a little, his face still hidden in the crook of the other boy's neck, "Who's supposed to make sure you're eating and drinking and taking care of yourself, huh? Your mom won't always be around, you know. Do you expect me to do it or something?"