etrayalogs | (closed) let me put myself in your shoes

Entry tags:

(closed) let me put myself in your shoes

WHO: Maria and Heather
WHEN: After Heather messages Maria
WHERE: Corrine's Cafe which is truly becoming the go to place for Silent Hills.
WHAT: If Vincent knows half of Maria's secret then it's only fair Heather knows
NOTES\WARNINGS: spoilers for Silent Hill 2 & 3 right now! Will update as needed!!!

[ it isn't like Maria had wanted to keep Heather in the dark and let Vincent know everything about her. really, he didn't know everything. Vincent had come to some conclusions about what she'd said and Maria had decided to let it stay there. while her and Vincent were surely getting along now, some form of an actual friendship blossoming, Maria knew she couldn't really depend on Vincent. no, they had opened up to each other but that didn't mean much. she wasn't naive. but she did understand and didn't fault him for it.

but she did trust Heather. she liked being around her and from what Heather told her, from how much she had gone through without letting too much out, the woman just didn't want to put too much on Heather. besides Maria had never wanted to mention Silent Hill if she could help it. but it haunted her no matter where she was. Vincent had opened up to her and so, Maria had let a bit out. she was born from Silent Hill. that he took it to mean she had been born there and left for Ashfield was his own doing. would she let Heather think that too? she didn't know. Heather's comment had made her wonder what she could feel from Maria.

and so here she was, at the same table she had been at with Vincent hilariously enough. where she had coughed and she really hopes she can keep it together for both their sake.

when she sees Heather, she waves.]

Hey.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

( the complicated history and life heather had lived was never something she had discussed with anyone- part of it was because a good portion of it was hidden even from herself until more recently, and because her father had done his best to shield her from the reality of things. there were a few things he had discussed with her, but he had focused more on her safety and self-perseverance. so she had always been wary of strangers and letting people in.

now that she was fully aware of her past, her supernatural connection to silent hill and the other world, she was left in a strange place. the only person who deeply knew her past was someone she didn't quite like at first, but even now she was starting to get closer to him through the nature of this world. he had told her not to tell anyone about herself but....maria and even james were going to be an exception.

so while maria had secrets to share of her own, heather had some she wanted to share-

because she felt she needed someone else to confide in, and maybe maria wasn't the best person but she felt she could trust the woman. there was just something about her that inspired confidence in heather. so she came to the cafe, without her friend this time, because things were suppose to be serious right? )

Maria-

( as she came towards the table the other was at, heather waved in return and sat down. )

Hey to you too.

[she smiles at Heather and then shrugs.] Can't say I know how we're supposed to begin these things? I could probably ask how you're doing but in this place, I feel like the answer always is 'as good as it can be'. [though no matter where Maria was, that was always her answer. strangely, this was the best situation she'd ever been in and she could never quite say that. who wouldn't find that odd?]

How would you prefer we do this? Cut to the chase or we play at being polite and nice and then get to the meat of the matter after we've exchanged the right amount of niceties?

[she'd prefer to just get it out and over with. it felt too awkward otherwise. much too nervewracking.]

Oh geez, well you know me...

( did she? did maria really know heather well enough?

well she wanted to resolve that here and now, so she nodded at her words and simply cupped her hands together onto the table as she sat and prepared herself to listen. )

We can get to the meat of the matter, and if we're still friends after that, we can focus on something lighter?

[she nods and her eyes do avoid Heather's for a brief moment, looking down to the table. there's so many ways this conversation could go and she is scared. there's a good reason she's wanted to keep all of this secret.]

I guess I'll just start by saying I'm from Silent Hill. [her eyes look for Heather's wanting to meet them.] But I have a feeling you knew that. Vincent said you had a feeling about it. And from what you said, it's not just knowing the locals or anything like that.

Is it?

[her heart is pounding as she confesses that. she had never told anybody she was from Silent Hill until Vincent. James had no problem talking about the town but it just wasn't the same for Maria. Silent Hill was different for them. she'd asked him not to mention her and he'd promised he wouldn't when discussing Silent Hill.

but here she was, giving the information away for the second time.]

( when those words came out of maria's lips, all heather could do was stare at her directly. looking onto the younger girl's face, she would see all of her flaws and imperfections that made her human-

the redness under her eyes, the freckles that scattered about her face, the stray pimple or two. among those features was a softness that rested in her eyes as she continued on listening. )

No it isn't....my roots with Silent Hill go far deeper than that.

( after all, the current locals were all members of the order these days [not including james and others lured in by the other world]. )

Are you....you don't sound like a member of the cult. Are you like James? Did you get dragged into the town? Vincent told me about him and how I shouldn't waste my efforts on caring about him. Something like that.

[she could lie. she could go with what Vincent had assumed. she was born in Silent Hill and then it all went to shit once the cult overtook it all and she escaped. it was so convenient and so easy.

but lately she kept thinking again and again on what she was. she had told Ivan, the grim reaper she met when she first arrived here. thanks to the tea but well, he wasn't human. he worked for Death and what did he have to judge? he and James are the only ones who know. James is hardly a comfort.

when Heather mentions how Vincent had talked about James, she does laugh.]

Vincent really does not like him. I don't get it. He tried to tell me how I should feel good about myself because I'm more useful than James. [she couldn't say it wasn't a little bit comforting. she'd relied so much on him and to be told that? it was nice. even if it wasn't true at all.]

Anyway, I'm not a member of the cult. I have no interest in it and I have no ties to it. But I'm not like James either. I was born in Silent Hill—or, well, a version of it. I don't even know if 'born' is the right word for it, either.

I haven't really spoken to James much....but he does seem a bit distant.

( that's all she can say about him because truthfully, she had been too swept up in her own issues to really go looking for the man. so maybe in a way she was doing exactly what vincent had told her to do-

a thought that ate away at her when she mulled it over. )

Are you saying....you know about what happens in Silent Hill? How it turns into a strange place filled with monsters? Because I...

( and here's the tricky part. a small part of heather is starting to understand what maria is saying, and although she herself didn't come across any people in silent hill per say-

she did come across a version of herself that attacked her. a version of herself that drew upon the person she was first born as, a version that the other world drew upon to form itself. )

I'm starting to think you're trying to say that world created you?

[she visibly winces. it's not something she likes. that world was horrible, awful, and it had created her. what did that say about her? her entire purpose...what did that say about her.]

I woke up one day, all by myself. There was nobody. The town was empty and filled with monsters. There's things I know about myself. I am Maria, I worked at Heaven's Night as a dancer, and I'm from Silent Hill. ['from' is a loose term, as Heather knows by now. she's never gone into much detail about herself and James has never even asked her. not even here has he asked her anything. he very much wants nothing to do with what happened with them there, that much is certain. which is frustrating because it means Maria has to bottle it all up.

talking about it out loud like this is strange. new.]

But all I knew when I awoke was I had to find James, I had to go to him, and I needed to stay by his side. I was created for him. Did he tell you about his wife? Mary?

No....he didn't tell me anything about himself.

( while maria was dealing with the confusing reality that she had been created for the sake of someone else, across from her, heather was looking visibly saddened by all of this. her hand gently reached out for maria's, fingers touching but not quite.

frankly, she was starting to feel guilty. all of this was because of her in a way, so just how was she suppose to tell maria about her past now? would she blame her for all of this? )

The town though....it shows you things of your past and what you're feeling or worried about. That means...you think he created you?

( she's unaware of the exact reason why he was drawn into the town or why he would imagine someone like maria. but even heather knew some of the basics of how the other world operated.

it showed heather her own fears after all and scenes of people she had dealt with in her past life as alessa. such as lisa garland. )

[she's surprised Heather is reaching for her at all. Heather clearly knew what that world was like and Maria admitted that world had created her.]

Mary and James visited Silent Hill. The resort town, not the hellhole. They considered it their "special place". Cute, right? Mary really fell in love with it. She always wanted to go back to visit again but Mary came down with an illness. Doctors couldn't do a thing. For three years, she slowly died. [Maria gives Heather a sad smile.] I'm sure you can imagine how it ends. [probably not how it actually ended for Mary and while Maria knows, she had told James she wouldn't tell anybody about him. about the things he did.]

James wanted his wife back and so Silent Hill gave it to him. Mary wanted to go back and not be sick so Silent Hill gave that, too. But not quite, right? Why would it? Why would that place just grant wishes? I'm them but not really. If you ever feel like it, ask him for Mary's picture. I know it must be with him. Mary and me are identical, save for some things. Every man's got some crap he likes. Or maybe Mary wished she was different, too. I don't know. [she won't go too much into that. after all, from the way Maria dresses and talks and move, it's probably obvious.]

I'm not part of a dumb group of people who worship whatever the hell they think is going on in that nightmare. I've been killed three times there and I come back. Again and again and again. It's awful, Heather. I can't leave James and I can't talk to anybody else. I'm stuck and I...I...[she starts to feel herself get worked up and she has to clench her fist, remembering how angry she had gotten when James finally tried to put an end to their little 'thing'. he still will not tell her what happened but she's terrified of what happens when she gets angry.

she takes a breath.]

Vincent thinks I was born in Silent Hill and left to go live in Ashfield. I didn't tell him what I told you. I didn't plan on telling a soul about all of this if I could. I know what that town creates.

Edited 2025-01-11 22:06 (UTC)

( there are a million emotions and thoughts that race through heather’s mind as she heard maria speak and of her suffering. how she came to be was truly tragic and it made her feel even more guilty about her possible association with all of this.

now though…she finally understood what vincent had meant about going back in time and stopping things. if she could go back in time and stop her birth mother, dahlia, from trying to bring forth the order’s god, she would. it was from those seven years of suffering that alessa went through, that the other world drew from her pain to manifest itself. she wasn’t directly responsible but that hatred and anguish she felt at the time was so powerful…

but now all heather can do is stare at maria directly as tears began to pour down her face. her eyes were wide, full of empathy for the woman before her. she knew nothing of james and his sins, what he saw in silent hill but things were clear-

maria had confided in heather of all people about her pain. )

I’m sorry…I’m so sorry….

[talking about it out loud brings a certain pain to it. it's a pitiful existence and then to be told she wasn't wanted...she felt so useless. it was why she had gone to Vincent. she had been desperate to talk to someone and Vincent was available.

she doesn't know how she expects Heather to react but it isn't like this. crying and apologizing. she grabs Heather's hands, shaking her head.]

No, no. Don't cry. Don't be sorry. I mean, I'm here now. I'm talking to you. [she was quick to comfort her, not understanding why Heather was reacting so.]

( she doesn’t want to make this about herself-

after all, this was maria’s story and her chance to reflect upon who she is, who she wanted to be, and how to reflect on how she came to be. heather isn’t sure why, but now she felt some twinge of anger towards james. she wasn’t sure how mary was, but if maria was a reflection of her… )

I don’t know how it’s possible…are you worried you’ll fade away if James does? Does he know…the truth about you? What has he said?

( she could only assume that the way he reacted to heather bringing up silent hill, was the way he treated and reacted to other things.

a bit distant, cold, and maybe even calculating. )

[Maria wants to reach forward to comfort Heather. she didn't expect for Heather to cry. not for someone who had clearly gone through a lot. how could she have sympathy for Maria is what makes her wonder. Heather knew what horrors that town could bring. Maria was one of them.

and it didn't feel normal to talk about herself like this. every time the conversation turned to her, she always changed it to be about the other person. she wanted to make Heather talk, get this away from her, but it didn't seem like Heather was going to let that happen so easily.

when Heather asks about James, Maria falters. her eyes looking away and she wonders what she should say. despite it all, she wanted to protect him.] I don't know much but I know that if James doesn't need me then I'll go away. It makes sense, doesn't it? My purpose was him and so if he doesn't want me then why would I stay? [and this is where her anger comes in.] He tried to end things and according to him, I didn't take it well. I don't doubt it. What was I supposed to do? Just accept that and what, turn to dust and thank him for all the good memories? [she laughs, the sound empty. it's not funny at all.]

It all sounds so pathetic.

( as heather sat before maria and the tears that seeped from her eyes began to dry against her hot face, she couldn't help but think about what to say or do. it was strange for her to think this, but as maria spilled her heart out-

heather couldn't help but feel a closeness to the woman before her. amidst the sadness that came with realizing maria was created for someone else, she could see the parallels between their situation. heather, from her origins as alessa, had always just been viewed as a vessel, a tool to birth the order's god and not her own person. when she fulfilled what they wanted, even her own mother was open to tossing her aside. additionally, to hear what was suppose to be an adult question their life and purpose was cathartic- in the wave of being an adolescent but not quite an adult, even heather felt such emotions and fears from time to time.

now though, all she could do was look up in defiance-

she would not allow maria to speak about herself like that. )

No it isn't pathetic, it's terrible, shitty...you deserve better. I get it, it sounds like he didn't have full control of how you came to be and yet....

instead of comforting you...he....abandoned you? Is that right?

( in a way, if heather turned maria's anger towards james, when her own revelations came, she wouldn't hate heather for her own role in everything. )

[Maria was already angry at James. the last thing she remembered before coming here was being angry at him. Heather didn't need to try to change that because she agrees. he did abandon her, just like he abandoned Mary. it was simply the same misfortune replaying again and again.

truly what else could have happened?]

It's complicated. James didn't even know me so don't be too angry at him. [she doesn't want Heather to dislike James, even if that may be too late. she wanted to help him despite how much she also wished to scream at him, to make him feel the pain and the loneliness she did. how she wished he could know what it was like.

and yet...

she cared. she shouldn't but she did. right now she doesn't want to think about that. there's nothing she can do about James. there never will be, she thinks. they're entwined despite how much he wishes it were any other way. how much Maria wishes the same. why spare him any more thought?

Maria moves her chair so it's next to Heather rather than in front of her. she takes a napkin and attempts to wipe her face, smiling.] But thank you. For listening to me and not...well, I guess not thinking I'm a monster?

( if maria truly desired for heather to not be angry with james, and was asking this from her, then she would comply. unfortunately it meant she would be playing into vincent's desires- to avoid him and not care for him, reinforced by what maria revealed to her. that was something he would have to work on with her if he wanted to have a relationship with heather.

for now though, as maria got closer and attempted to console her [when it should have been the other way around], all heather could do was keep her gaze down in concern and shame. it was now her turn to reveal her secrets, and she wasn't sure if...

maria would come to hate her or view her as the monster. )

Of course...I...want you to know I still care about you as a person. It doesn't matter where you come from or how you came to be....you're still special to me.

( as a friend, as a sister, as the positive female figure she never had beyond poor lisa garland. )

But now...I need to tell you about my connection to Silent Hill and how it's my fault it's the way it is.

[Maria never saw this ever being possible. that she would be able to have a relationship like this with someone. being able to talk to people was still special, but growing close like she had with Heather was something entirely different.

hearing her say that makes her smile. it warms her heart and she appreciates Heather so much. for being able to listen to her and not look at her any differently. it felt like she could try to live normally. well, as normal as this place could be.

she opens her mouth to thank her, to tell how she feels the same, but then Heather makes that comment and Maria frowns.]

What do you mean?

[she moves her hand to her shoulder.] How could that be your fault?

( with the tears now starting to dry up against her warm face, heather leaned into the touch and looked off into the distance. she wasn't sure how to condense her long history in a way that could be easily understood or followed, but all she could do was try her best. )

Well not directly at least but....I was born in Silent Hill more than two decades ago but not as the person you see before you. See the religion, The Order has more power and influence over that town than you might think.

( she knew vincent would tear her a new one for telling someone of her powers- probably alluding to how her story could be used against her. however she trusted maria, especially now more than ever. if she wanted to hurt heather for her role in things...well she couldn't fault her for it. considering her own rage had dragged her down into the pits of sorrow numerous times, more recently with claudia. )

I was born as Alessa Gillespie to Dahlia Gillespie, one of the high priestess and leaders of The Order. I wasn't like other children Maria, I was...born with powers and as a result Dahlia wanted to use me to birth The Order's God.

[Maria squeezes her shoulder gently, a signal she's here and not going anywhere. it seems like Heather needs this comfort.

anybody listening to Heather would probably think this sounds crazy and well, it is crazy. it is nonsensical but it is their world. Maria's story is just as insane and so she listens. the only thing that confuses her is Heather saying she was born more than two decades ago. Heather doesn't look at it. but she doesn't say a word and lets her continue.

truly Maria's first hunch about what they could want a young girl for hadn't been wrong. not entirely. it always comes back to things like this, doesn't it? and yet she knows there's more to this story. of course there is. this must be only the beginning.

it feels rude to talk, to ask anything right now, and so she simply nods. telling her she is listening, she's here, and Heather can keep going. for Maria, it had felt good to talk about it. to get it out. she didn't know if it was the same for Heather but she wanted Heather to have that opportunity.]

( considering this was the first time she was actually telling someone her full memories, thoughts, and feelings about what happened, heather was finding herself feeling a wave of emotions and sensations. for one her heart felt tight, palms starting to feel sweaty as flashbacks of the past began to return. remembering those awful times when she had forgotten most of it was difficult-

but even when she had blocked it out of her mind, things like seeing churches and crosses often brought back a wave of feelings and anxiety she had felt before. )

Dahlia didn't think a happy God should be born, in fact what she felt was that a God born of anger and hatred was the best thing. So she prepared me for the ritual by beating me down, locking me in dark closets, and other things a mother shouldn't do. By the time I was a teenager, the ritual was performed leaving me almost for dead...

and even though it failed, during that time my powers....I was so angry Maria...that town....it fed off my anger and despair and used it to form The Other World.

[Maria's suffering had not been as long as Heather's but it had still been a lot to talk about. she hadn't gotten the chance to before. and it had been overwhelming to talk about it. air it out in the open. it's why Maria just keeps nearby, just hoping she can be some type of comforting presence.

as Heather tells more of her story, she can't hide the look on her face. concern, shock, and confusion. how would a mother treat any child like that, especially their own? how could anybody want their child miserable? that damn cult. that awful, horrible cult. how did anybody think any of this sounded like a good idea? how could a mother give up her child as a sacrifice?

when Heather gets to the reveal, Maria starts to understand. the town attracted the darkness in people, drew them near, and trapped them. much like how Alessa had been trapped in her own unending nightmare.]

It was your own nightmare come to life. [how powerful had she been? it makes sense now why Vincent views her like he does. what else could she do? did they really have to birth a 'god' when someone like Alessa had existed? why didn't they just worship Alessa? these are the questions Maria is wondering. it doesn't quite hit her how the hell that she had been through was of Alessa's making. to her, it wasn't the same. it had been the darkness Alessa had been forced through that created all of that.]

When I think back on it...I'm ashamed at what I let it do to me. What it made me feel...the nightmares and memories, manifesting in such a way.

( all that anger and despair, yet it did lead to something good. she won't go into all the minuscule details about her life, such as how she grew up alongside claudia and viewed her in a positive light at one point. or how she was set on fire for the ritual, being nursed by lisa garland. what she will divulge in is how harry mason came to find silent hill. )

During that time my soul split into two, forming a baby that my father found on the side of the road. He raised that other me and was brought back to Silent Hill, and in the end after he put a stop to things involving the cult there, I merged back with Cheryl, the child he found, and what was left was me. The remaining members of the cult were not happy....clearly.

( and here's where she took a break, leaning back into her seat and sighing heavily as the memory of what was to come next began to dawn on her. this is where she was going to tell maria about the murder of her father. )

[Maria doesn't think there is anything to feel ashamed by. certainly Maria knew she had similar dark thoughts in Silent Hill. it was truly easy to let those feelings manifest and hang onto you. far easier to do that than to not let them at all. especially when those were the only things to keep you company.

she considers saying something along those lines but does not since Heather continues. Heather's story was longer than Maria's, she'd been through more years and been through more. but it had been easier to just get it all out. say it all at once.

again, it sounds crazy what Heather is saying but Maria had sounded just as crazy. it doesn't surprise Maria at all. but as Heather tells her story, as she begins to talk about her father, she realizes the only thing that can be coming up now.

but still, Maria stays silent. she wonders if maybe she should try to say something but what is there to say about this? and Heather wanted to tell her story. all Maria can do is stay nearby. stay with her. her hand squeezes Heather's hand, having moved from her shoulder again.]

( as her hand drifted down her shoulder and onto her own hand, heather held it tightly but not with too much force. her head turned to face the other woman, a soft and wistful expression overtaking the intensity she once had. when it came to her father, the man who debated on killing her but decided to raise her with so much kindness and fragility, she could never stay too sad for long.

he was a wonderful person, a true hero in the end. she could try and be a bit more positive for his sake. )

His name is Harry Mason by the way, my dad. He raised me like his own, teaching me everything I know and made into a fighter. The last thing I said to him was 'I love you too, dad.' and when I came back home....he had been killed by members of The Order.

Apparently Vincent knew this was happening. For some reason...he called me out a while ago asking to speak to me about something important. To sum it up, he said if he could go back and time and stop his murder from happening, he would. I never got the vibe that he liked my dad at all, so....it kinda made me a bit sad to remember that.

[at least her last words had been something nice, Maria thinks but doesn't say. what kind of comfort is that? none at all in the face of losing your parent. the only one you had.

when she says what Vincent told her, Maria's face twists into annoyance.] Why would he say that? Why tell you that after the fact...[she shakes her head. there was something wrong with him. the cult, yes, but Maria thought there was something else going on. they had started a friendship but that didn't change the fact he was like he was.

and with so much pressure to be put on Heather...] Your father...it wasn't that long before you came here, was it?

( when the question came, it dawned on heather that despite admitting some level of involvement in the creation of the other world, maria didn't hate her.

it was a feeling that left her a bit confused but before she could truly ruminate on those thoughts, she was drawn back into her conversation with vincent and how it made her feel. ultimately confused. )

I'm not sure, he said he didn't agree with the others on how they went about that. When I asked him why he didn't stop it....I guess it's easier to just say he valued his safety more.

( but then why would he tell her that? maybe he wasn't as evil as he first appeared to be to her.

as cruel....and it did help to realize he was just as much of a victim as that cult based on what he told her. leaving the town to become successful only to be drawn back and waste all his time and money on it. even if he didn't see it that way, heather did. )

No, less than a week really. I went into Silent Hill shortly after seeking revenge...to kill that bitch Claudia for what she did. I was so angry but now she's dead and I'll never get the revenge I'm seeking...or sought.

[it hasn't quite hit her that it was Heather that had created that world. that ultimately created Maria. to her, it wasn't Heather, not even Alessa. they had been a victim. it isn't their fault. it was her mother's, that cult...

she couldn't be mad at Heather. ]

That sounds like Vincent. [he would have absolutely used that as his defense and treated it as a valid excuse. but to say he regretted it now was a slap in the face. Heather was a bigger person than Maria, that was for certain.]

I don't think it would have brought you any comfort. I mean, what do I know? But...it doesn't change anything. If you had been the one to kill her or anything, it wouldn't have healed anything in your heart because none of it should have happened. And that's unfair. [she sighs.]

How did she die, then?

You know, I had a hard time wrestling that thought, of forgiving and letting things go. I think if she ever came here....I wouldn't be able to hold back on telling everyone what a monster she is.

( that's the worst, most vile thing maria will ever hear from heather. truthfully with the way things ended before her arrival, that anger and bitterness was still fresh within in. time did have a way of healing pain and while right now she wasn't feeling murderous...

it was hard to say if she would be able to hold back if she ever saw the woman again. )

As for her death....well she killed my father to prepare me to birth their 'God' again. I found a cure for that, well my father did many years ago and I kept it with me for a long time. When the time came, I took it and I 'expelled' their god out of my body. Claudia took it, and consumed it...and well let's just say giving 'birth' to it killed her.

[Heather has a lot of experience, many that Maria can't really say she can understand. what Heather had gone through was unique, horribly so, and while Maria cannot empathize with it, she can certainly sympathize.

and she does.

her mind imagines so many awful things. giving birth can truly mean anything. but whatever Heather went through, what that woman did...it cannot be good. simple. no, it would not be. after all, nothing about their shared home ever was.]

I...this all happened before you got here?

[and somehow, Heather had remained upbeat. she had been helpful and tried to keep assisting everybody around her.]

I guess you could say the blood is still wet.

( there were no intents on her being this morbid about the whole thing, but as those words came from her, a more deeper tone of voice took over. it rarely happened with anyone who wasn't vincent or claudia, but remnants of who she was, alessa, would sometimes seep through. she argued they were the same person, it wasn't her sharing her body with anyone else-

that was still up for debate in her mind to this day, with vincent not doing much to dissuade that.

for now though, as she got out all that she wanted to share and heard all that maria had been carrying with her, she finally let out a deep and long exhale, feeling as if she had been holding her breath for some reason or another. her hands gently touched maria's as she looked into her eyes and she wanted to affirm this once more. )

Regardless of what happened and where we came from, you are still you Maria. You're a really important person to me....I uh...never really had a good mom or sister or aunt and I'm not trying to call you old by any means but-

You've really done a lot for me in the time we've been here and I want you to know you're still a special person. Even if you don't feel like you're real, you're really...real to me. You're really cool too.

[Maria notices the tone change but doesn't comment on it. it doesn't feel like she should. but part of her wonders if this has to do with what Heather is, who she was. something that Maria understands well. maybe that's why she doesn't say anything about it.

especially with what Heather says next, and how kind she is when she says it. Heather touches her hands and Maria holds them, smiling at her.] Don't worry, it's hard to worry about my age, with the horrors of my being and existence always hanging around me. [it's an attempt at a joke because well, she's always done this. and maybe they need a bit of humor after the heavy topics they just spoke about.

but the joke does not take away from how much Heather's words mean to her. the sentiment means the world to her because for so long, she had wanted to be special to James. her entire purpose had been for that and always something she could never get. yet without trying at all, she had become special to Heather. they had built this relationship and it was so important.]

Thank you, Heather. I never thought I'd have anybody outside of James. Everything about this experience has been so new and sometimes overwhelming. But meeting you? It's meant a lot to me. You're special to me, too. Just as you are. No strings attached.

[she just had to be herself and didn't have to do anything to earn that affection.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

(closed) let me put myself in your shoes

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: child abuse, religious trauma

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: vague abortion/birth mentions

no subject

no subject

no subject