cw: alcoholism and suicidal ideation

[ He gets the drinking. All too well. It wasn't that many years ago he was drinking himself to death on the streets of New York. Now he's careful with his drinks, doesn't let himself get that way anymore. He has a purpose, Harold's purpose, to carry him onwards. He can manage to make it through his dark moments knowing there will be a number in the morning. ]

I never went back to being a civilian. Went straight to the CIA.

[ Now that is a casual drop of information for Carver. John is pretty sure he hasn't mentioned that before. ]