[ He's quiet for a long time. Watching the glass and the swirl of sake. Talking about this with an outsider is a sin, he knows. But of all the people in this place, Carver likes to think John would understand it. That John and Shaw know something about brutal necessity, and what it costs body and mind to survive.

There's always a toll. You have to be prepared to pay it. To endure. ]

Did you know, [ Carver says, a little distantly, ] that you can feel it when your body starts giving out? When you're drowning, I mean. It's almost nice. Things just...stop.