[ Harold had known he'd likely catch on to what he wasn't saying there, the tacit confession that John was dead, but he'd been hoping it would explain his behavior to John in a way that didn't invite further discussion. And it did. In that sense, mission accomplished.
Except John's complete lack of reaction to his own death casts a dark despair across his thoughts that he doesn't know how to shake. I missed being... with you-- is what he's saying, but John leaves. He leaves because he won't let Harold leave first. He missed him over the past month but now Harold is going to miss him forever, for the rest of what days he has left. What he should say lines up neatly in his mind, obvious: I thought you'd have enjoyed a spate of action after so much idleness. He's sure he did, can tell it was good for him by the liveliness in John's demeanor when he came in. ]
I'm sorry, [ he breathes out, chair clattering as he pushes himself to his feet. ] I can't do this right now. Please forgive me.
[ Forgive me, forgive me. Of course John will forgive him. He knows that. Just like Harold knows he will never be done asking for his forgiveness. ]
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Except John's complete lack of reaction to his own death casts a dark despair across his thoughts that he doesn't know how to shake. I missed being... with you-- is what he's saying, but John leaves. He leaves because he won't let Harold leave first. He missed him over the past month but now Harold is going to miss him forever, for the rest of what days he has left. What he should say lines up neatly in his mind, obvious: I thought you'd have enjoyed a spate of action after so much idleness. He's sure he did, can tell it was good for him by the liveliness in John's demeanor when he came in. ]
I'm sorry, [ he breathes out, chair clattering as he pushes himself to his feet. ] I can't do this right now. Please forgive me.
[ Forgive me, forgive me. Of course John will forgive him. He knows that. Just like Harold knows he will never be done asking for his forgiveness. ]