[ Harold takes his hand, Harold says how important you are to me and John feels something unclench in his chest. There's still the fear there that he will say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, he still feels he needs to be careful, but there is something so solid about Harold's words, Harold's actions. He feels like he can take a deep breath all of a sudden, can fill his lungs out. John holds his hand tightly in return. ]

I said it's because your life is the right life, but it was always more than that.

[ It has been for so long. It feels like a lifetime ago that Harold wasn't the pillar of his life, wasn't the thing he orbits around. If they'd had this conversation earlier, if he'd known how much Harold thinks of him, if he'd known Harold would hold his hand tightly like this, what would he have done instead? What would he have said instead? ]

Working with you was the only thing that kept me going, it wasn't just a job. It wasn't just the mission. It's because you were there.

[ There's a moment before he adds, quiet and a little hesitant, ]

Living with you here in the library has been one of the best things that's happened in my life.

[ It's a confession, of sorts, part of the truth but not giving away the whole thing. It's not telling Harold how he wasn't willing to live without him by his side, which John realizes is not a thing he should say despite it being the truth. It's not telling Harold that he loves him, which is still something John isn't sure he deserves. Etraya has been a trial in many ways, but it's given John something he'd only dreamed of. He doesn't mean it accusatory that Harold left, that Harold walked away, and he hopes Harold doesn't take it that way; he understands better why Harold had to leave. Maybe he should clarify that, not leave the ambiguity now. ]

But I think I understand why you left, at least some.

[ As Maria said, they both needed time. ]