[ Harold stays longer than John expects. He thinks any moment now that Harold will pull away and yet he stays moment after moment and John just... lets it happen. He doesn't think about what it means, he just holds Harold. He died just over a week ago, he shouldn't get to have this, he died and then fell apart completely, but here is Harold still. Here is Harold by his side, in his arms, Harold who never gave up on him, not before and not this time. Harold who still came to see him morning after painful morning when he didn't want to see John at all.
But Harold does pull away eventually and John lets him go. He immediately wants Harold back, wants him in his arms again, but he restrains himself, tells himself he shouldn't be too greedy. It has to be enough that he got it once.
Harold in the aftermath is sure and steady in the way that John is familiar with. Whatever he has grappled with, whatever decisions he has made, he has settled on them for good. If he says that he killed the Machine then yes, he must have decided that. John doesn't know all the details, so if Harold says that, John won't refute. The Machine is dead, that much is undeniable. They died together on that rooftop. John wonders briefly how she feels about her own death, whether it was one she was satisfied with. Whether she wanted to live longer. Unlike John, she won't get a chance to tell anyone.
Unlike John, who will get to stay in Etraya with Harold. Is it selfish for Harold to stay? John doesn't think so, but he's not about to tell Harold how to feel about it. They've gone over this already but John still feels immense relief when Harold says he's staying, relief followed up by so much love. It feels overwhelming, like it might just burst out of his chest if he breathes wrong. In this moment he's so close to that feeling, and closer to losing control of it than ever before. John reaches across the distance and smooths the shoulder of Harold's suit, feels the wool beneath his hands, the warmth of Harold beneath. A gesture to bleed off some of that feeling, a way to keep himself from saying anything unwise. Harold wants to stay with him, what more could he ask for? ]
Regardless of what rules you broke, you're still the person I've chosen to follow, to be with. I won't choose to leave you again.
[ Choose, because Echo might have plans that John is powerless to stop, but he understands now what it means to Harold. Next time—if there is a next time—he'll make sure to talk with Harold before making any decisions. ]
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But Harold does pull away eventually and John lets him go. He immediately wants Harold back, wants him in his arms again, but he restrains himself, tells himself he shouldn't be too greedy. It has to be enough that he got it once.
Harold in the aftermath is sure and steady in the way that John is familiar with. Whatever he has grappled with, whatever decisions he has made, he has settled on them for good. If he says that he killed the Machine then yes, he must have decided that. John doesn't know all the details, so if Harold says that, John won't refute. The Machine is dead, that much is undeniable. They died together on that rooftop. John wonders briefly how she feels about her own death, whether it was one she was satisfied with. Whether she wanted to live longer. Unlike John, she won't get a chance to tell anyone.
Unlike John, who will get to stay in Etraya with Harold. Is it selfish for Harold to stay? John doesn't think so, but he's not about to tell Harold how to feel about it. They've gone over this already but John still feels immense relief when Harold says he's staying, relief followed up by so much love. It feels overwhelming, like it might just burst out of his chest if he breathes wrong. In this moment he's so close to that feeling, and closer to losing control of it than ever before. John reaches across the distance and smooths the shoulder of Harold's suit, feels the wool beneath his hands, the warmth of Harold beneath. A gesture to bleed off some of that feeling, a way to keep himself from saying anything unwise. Harold wants to stay with him, what more could he ask for? ]
Regardless of what rules you broke, you're still the person I've chosen to follow, to be with. I won't choose to leave you again.
[ Choose, because Echo might have plans that John is powerless to stop, but he understands now what it means to Harold. Next time—if there is a next time—he'll make sure to talk with Harold before making any decisions. ]