[ John recognizes it for what it is: asking but not asking, an offer but room for him to back out if he wants; Harold is asking but not pushing. It's like that between them now, they've reached an equilibrium over the years where they rarely double down; is the last time when John didn't let Harold back out of the numbers?
But here is Harold holding his hands, here is Harold offering him everything he's wanted. He gives just the hint of a smile, something that feels foreign after his recent mood, but it slips out nonetheless. He tightens his hands in Harold's grasp ever so slightly as he speaks. ]
Yes. [ Honesty, honesty. It takes effort but he can no longer take their relationship for granted given the past week. Given that he's dead. ] That's all I really wanted.
[ Is that too honest? Too forward? Is he giving away too much? Can Harold see how much his life has hinged on what's between them? Others have come and sometimes gone, have left imprints on him, have even driven him from Harold, from this purpose that brought them together, but at the core there has always been Harold. The beginning and the end. Harold gave him a life and John returned it; he can see now that it wasn't a debt but a gift. Harold gives everything freely, and John spent it how he wanted, selfishly.
And now they have taken a step forward, a step closer. This commitment to stay together. It's not the full extent of John's feelings, but it's enough. It's enough. Harold is holding his hands, Harold is returning to the closeness they shared in the library, Harold won't leave him. He got to hold Harold and when he reached for Harold again he didn't let John go. John could not ask for more. ]
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But here is Harold holding his hands, here is Harold offering him everything he's wanted. He gives just the hint of a smile, something that feels foreign after his recent mood, but it slips out nonetheless. He tightens his hands in Harold's grasp ever so slightly as he speaks. ]
Yes. [ Honesty, honesty. It takes effort but he can no longer take their relationship for granted given the past week. Given that he's dead. ] That's all I really wanted.
[ Is that too honest? Too forward? Is he giving away too much? Can Harold see how much his life has hinged on what's between them? Others have come and sometimes gone, have left imprints on him, have even driven him from Harold, from this purpose that brought them together, but at the core there has always been Harold. The beginning and the end. Harold gave him a life and John returned it; he can see now that it wasn't a debt but a gift. Harold gives everything freely, and John spent it how he wanted, selfishly.
And now they have taken a step forward, a step closer. This commitment to stay together. It's not the full extent of John's feelings, but it's enough. It's enough. Harold is holding his hands, Harold is returning to the closeness they shared in the library, Harold won't leave him. He got to hold Harold and when he reached for Harold again he didn't let John go. John could not ask for more. ]