[ John still isn't sure what to make of this new line Harold has quoted for him, but he does think about it as he takes his serving of the food. There's butter and syrup for the pancakes and he's certain Harold won't mind his moment of silence, will take it for what it is; quiet consideration so he can speak clearly. They're still in uncharted territory, to some extent.
He can understand being changed by time under duress; he's removed enough from his own situation in the CIA to recognize that it hurt him, changed him in ways he doesn't know how to fix. Ways he doesn't think can be fixed. Ways he'll spend his whole life trying to fight against. ]
Sounds like he found that strength himself.
[ He doesn't think he came out stronger, everywhere he can see his deficiencies. The ways he fails to be a normal person, the ways he fails to treat others well, the ways he doesn't know how to connect. Harold has accepted who he is with grace and kindness, and there's a shared recognition between him and Shaw. Root was the hardest to connect with, but even they learned to work together eventually, united in purpose, though he doesn't know how she felt about him; even if he could ask he wouldn't, though he's almost certain she wouldn't mind telling him in her clear and exacting way.
And Fusco, Lionel who showed him just how short he was falling of the mark. Lionel who opened his eyes to his isolation, the safety he found in holding people at arms length. Who showed him his mistakes in such a brutally honest way. ]
no subject
He can understand being changed by time under duress; he's removed enough from his own situation in the CIA to recognize that it hurt him, changed him in ways he doesn't know how to fix. Ways he doesn't think can be fixed. Ways he'll spend his whole life trying to fight against. ]
Sounds like he found that strength himself.
[ He doesn't think he came out stronger, everywhere he can see his deficiencies. The ways he fails to be a normal person, the ways he fails to treat others well, the ways he doesn't know how to connect. Harold has accepted who he is with grace and kindness, and there's a shared recognition between him and Shaw. Root was the hardest to connect with, but even they learned to work together eventually, united in purpose, though he doesn't know how she felt about him; even if he could ask he wouldn't, though he's almost certain she wouldn't mind telling him in her clear and exacting way.
And Fusco, Lionel who showed him just how short he was falling of the mark. Lionel who opened his eyes to his isolation, the safety he found in holding people at arms length. Who showed him his mistakes in such a brutally honest way. ]