etrayalogs | OPERATION: YOUTHFUL DISOBEDIENCE

[ Just wait until Riz finds out how he helped!!!

There might be words to say about inviting further world-affecting horrors into their lives through the use of drugs, but Gorgug won't remark on that now. Instead, Riz wants to ask a question, and Gorgug was happy enough at the idea of helping Riz with a gun that he's at least confident enough to handle without breaking to be still looking positive right then.

But! A question? He's looking at Riz, gives him a little nod. What's up? ]

What made you formally switch classes instead of just sticking to learning this kinda thing at home with your folks?

[ He hops onto a clear spot on the desk that Gorgug's working on, idly leaning over to scan a page of notes that he can't make heads nor tails of. He probably could if he really dedicated himself to it like working on a case (that's a thought that goes right in the Gorgug file later that day: learn some basic artificer vocabulary to actually understand what he's working on), but with his own knowledge base? It's as mysterious to him as looking over his and Fig's sheet music. ]

Don't get me wrong, it's super cool. It's just that where - when - I'm from, you seemed really all-in on the Barbarian stuff. I had no idea you were actually interested in this beyond building that satellite.

[ Even that hadn't been for the love of the craft. It had been for love of Zelda. Who is, in Riz's opinion, kind of clingy and a bit much sometimes, but he doesn't claim to understand the ways of hearts swept up in puppy love. ]

[ There's a pause, where he has to think about where to start with the question, glancing at his own notes in a wandering gaze than to actually read anything about them. It's two questions, and which does he answer first? When also, there's an added reason for his pause in there: how his Barbarian classes--why he chose to take on a Barbarian role--came to be. Why he went down that road.

But it connects in its own way to why he became interested in artificing, doesn't it? ]

I wasn't, [ Gorgug starts. ] Before I fixed up Fabian's bike and I worked with the gnomes on my crystal, I didn't-- I didn't think about building anything. I didn't think I could.

[ I wasn't smart enough. I break everything too easily. His parents' work was their own thing that he never paid close attention to, never understanding what was going on--until these days. Until recent. ]

But I liked that I did. And I could make things to help in our battles-- I didn't want it to be a side hobby, when... when it felt like I could really be learning something. It was--

[ He pauses, brows furrowing as he tries to think to explain. Looks over at Riz, black sclera and white pupils poking out underneath the lowering brow above. ]

I wasn't just the guy who's been great at breaking things my entire life. I could learn to make really cool things. [ So cool, Riz. ] And I wanna make that a big part of me. It's my thing.

[ And it feels more him than just being naturally talented at breaking things. ]

[ Riz had never thought much about why everyone chose the classes that they did. In hindsight, it's a little silly to think that all of them just managed to find their calling in their very first year of high school, back when they hadn't had even a single adventure underneath their belt. But in fairness to him, that's because it seemed like they did; Adaine's the Elven Oracle, Fig's the Archdevil of Rebellion, Kristen's been god-touched from the beginning. It's almost as though they didn't have a choice.

But now that he thinks about it, Gorgug and the Barbarian class just seem... a little less pre-ordained than the others. Fearsome as he is on the battlefield, he's never been great at flying into a rage on a dime the way that his teacher seems to want him to, and outside of combat, he's the gentlest guy Riz knows. Why'd he even go for Barbarian classes in the first place? ]

Huh.

[ He fixes that gaze of his onto Gorgug, intense and calculating and a little bit off-putting, as though he's noticing every single detail on Gorgug's face and filing it away for later. In a way, he is. He catalogues details about his friends away like a crow gathering shiny bits and bobs for their nest, squirreling away everything he knows about them as though he'll somehow be able to use those to coalesce his image of them into a deeper understanding of them, as if gathering evidence is the best way to make friends, to be a better friend. ]

...you've never just been the guy who's great at breaking things, [ he says decisively, ] but I'm glad you found a way to, like -- prove that to yourself. And to other people.

[ He has to imagine that it wasn't an easy class to break into. Riz doesn't want to multiclass, but even if he did, having to introduce himself to a new group of people who are all specialists in the very thing he's trying to learn would be a big enough hurdle to successfully dissuade him.

He grins at him, eyes blinking rapidly out of their intense focus and tone blindingly earnest as he says, ] That's super cool, Gorgug. I'm glad you figured it out. Are figuring it out. My investigation skills need work, I guess, 'cause I always figured if you wanted to multi-class, it'd be in Bard.

[ ...but does Gorgug even like playing the drums? Or does he just like spending time with Fig? That's another question for the file. He tugs one knee up to his chest, resting his chin on it. ]

D'you still like being a Barbarian?

[ It kind of seems like... maybe not? ]

[ You've never just been the guy who's great at breaking things, Riz says, so certain, and Gorgug gives him a small and appreciative smile, but that's all it is. And he's glad and fine with not protesting it.

(Otherwise, his gaze had been lowered with Riz's staring. He can handle it for a few seconds, but it's still weird, alright, especially when you're being honest!)

So he gets to look momentarily curious about him being a potential bard, and wondering if Riz had actually sincerely thought about him ever multiclassing before (Gorgug definitely hadn't before the events he just shared), but Riz asks about him and barbarian, and: ]

Yeah. [ He doesn't rush to answer, and the answer is just simple. Easy. ] I like fighting with you guys. [ A beat. ] My anger's good with you.

[ And having that control--even if it isn't as ferocious or wild as some rages--and use for it has been meaningful for Gorgug, in truth.

...but it doesn't make him any better at maintaining eye contact with Riz if he's about to start staring at him again to try and perceive deeper than skin. B-but you know what? He's going to try to!

Staring contest....!!! ]

Okay. Okay, cool. Just, you know -- checking in? Sunk cost fallacy, you know how it is.

[ He wouldn't want Gorgug to continue on a path he felt pressured into, that made him feel worse about himself. He also wouldn't want Gorgug to switch classes on a purely mechanical level; Gorgug is a really, really good Barbarian, and they need another martial heavy-hitter way more than they need a magic specialist. It's not a thought he'd say out loud, in service of trying to be a good friend, but he knows he'd bang his head on a few walls if he really did switch.

Which is the train of thought he's stuck on when he notices that Gorgug's staring at him. He's unable to figure out why, on account of the fact that he's not entirely aware himself when he does that, and having it reflected back to him is -- weird? It's weird. ]

Uh, do I have something on my face? [ He starts pawing at his lower mouth, just in case the remnants of his last meal (a burger and fries, as well as a ketchup packet he'd absently bitten a hole into and sucked on while he was working like some sort of animal) is still smeared on him. ]

[ Having Porter for a teacher sure has made being a barbarian (inside the classroom, anyway) feel like a sunk cost fallacy, but at least that wasn't anymore a problem for him--not that he had to worry about any classes now, thanks to their current circumstances.

But this is not the topic anymore. The topic is Gorgug's staring getting caught in the act, and there was even a part of him hoping that what he was doing was normal! --but Riz's call-out makes his head nudge back a bit, startled. ]

No? --You have a nice face.

[ Riz. This is not a lie, and it's most definitely not a cover up for Gorgug not being as slick as you are (???). He is feeling self-conscious for whatever stupid face he was making, but there's not much Gorgug can do but shove his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, dart his gaze away back into its usual, wandering state. ]

I'll sink things with my axes. Whenever you need me to. You can ask.

[ Totally normal returning to topic going on here. ]

Um, thanks? [ Okay, then what's with -- ] You have a nice face too.

[ He just felt like he should say it back, in the moment. But now that the moment's passed, Riz rapidly realizes that this is coming dangerously close to a Gorgug-Zelda kind of direction; the Bad Kids have eavesdropped on enough collective Thistlevan (Donospring?) conversations for him to tell.

Moving on! ]

Thanks. Next time we really gotta beat the shit out of anything, you're the first guy on my list. But considering the nature of this mission... this time, you gotta use the biggest muscle of them all.

[ Oh no, that's the ass. ]

The brain. I mean the brain.

[ Gorgug won't know the biggest muscle on the humanoid body, right? Right??? ]

[ Oh, Riz says he has a nice face? Even if it might only be a superficial compliment, it is nice, even if Gorgug doesn't get to linger on it.

Especially since Riz brings up muscles, and he brings up the biggest muscle, and now the face Gorgug is making seems like his thoughtful, furrowed brow one. Is he just thinking about the fact the brain is the biggest muscle here--? ]

...Are you making fun of me? Because I'm small. [ Small, he says, to Riz. ] I know I'm not as big as Ragh--

[ And he sounds like he's going to go on, but is Riz going to let him, when Gorgug sounds like he's getting defensive? About muscles?? Riz, would you really make a dig at Gorgug's lack of bulging muscles, bro?? Dude? ]

Because you're small -- [ Riz practically chokes on a laugh. ] Dude, in what world?

[ He looks pointedly down at himself, where his legs are dangling freely from atop Gorgug's desk, then back at Gorgug, who easily dwarfs just about everyone he's met in this stupid place. ]

You and Ragh are both giants next to me. I mean, come on. [ He grabs Gorgug's wrist to raise his hand up, pointedly slapping his palm against Gorgug's massive one. Gorgug could probably break his bones just by squeezing his hand really, really hard. ]

I was just being encouraging. About smarts being important too. And for the record, the biggest muscle in anyone's body is the butt. So it's not like I'd be talking biceps even if I wasn't speaking metaphorically.

[ ... ]

Which I wouldn't be.

[ Butts aren't his thing. Don't accuse him of looking at your ass, Gorgug. He'd never recover. ]

[ Gorgug lets Riz take his hand, of course, there being no fight there. And while it's not exactly what he meant by size, Gorgug does lower his gaze; giving a sheepish smile, a small huff of amusement that, okay, yeah. He doesn't need to really get worried about Riz making fun of him, right? He's projecting. He shouldn't do that! ]

Okay. I never knew that about muscles-- I had no idea my butt was big. [ The More You Know! (He will definitely try to look in a mirror some day.) ] I thought you were talking about muscles, but-- I don't mind having a big brain. Thank you.

We don't need to have big muscles. [ And here, he's giving Riz a nod, like this is a Bro To Bro moment. ] We're good at what we do without them. Your aim's the best.

[ This doesn't really need to be a compliment back and forth-a-thon, but it just turns into this sometimes, alright? The Bad Boys have to encourage the Bad Boys. ]

I didn't really mean that your butt specifically is --

[ No. They're not going down this route. They can't talk about butts anymore, or else Riz might actually just jump out of the window, which isn't what he had in mind when he came to visit Gorgug in his makeshift lab. ]

A-anyway! [ Moving on! ] We are good at what we do, muscles notwithstanding. [ And his aim is the best. He can work with that! ] You just get to have the best of both worlds, is all.

[ A beat. ]

I wouldn't want you to be as big as Ragh, anyway. Riding on him gets kinda scary.

[ There's a lot of muscle there, Gorgug! Once he got trapped in a stray bicep and thought Ragh might snap his neck by accident! It wasn't fun! And it's not comfortable at all when everything is so... bulgey.

He won't say that out loud. Gorgug probably wouldn't like that comparison either. ]

Is it? [ Riding on Ragh is scary? Gorgug's never considered that riding on anyone could be scary, mainly because his own opportunities to ride on people is zilch (because he is a coward, skill issue). This is definitely making Gorgug pause to think, since if riding on Ragh can get scary... ]

... Who's the best person to ride on?

[ Is there such a thing as a favourite person to hitch a ride on, Riz?

And is this an answer that should be given with the upmost consideration. ]

That... [ He jabs a finger in Gorgug's direction. ] Is a trick question. 'Cause I say who's best to ride on, and then the other guy gets mad, and then it becomes a whole thing and then I don't get rides anymore 'cause he's busy throwing a fit about it.

[ ...it's probably pretty easy to tell who in this hypothetical is most likely to get angry and throw a fit, but shhh! Shhh! He's got plausible deniability! ]

[ This should be an easy deduction to make. They're at least a he, that much Gorgug can tell, and so that takes out the girls. Plus Riz said the other guy, so it's either Fabian or Gorgug (possibly) who are going to get mad when they don't get chosen.

... ]

I wouldn't throw a fit about it, [ he answers after his five second thinking time--as if reassuring Riz about the possibility. Though, he'll admit, ] Maybe I'd be sad, for a minute.

[ ... ] ...but you do have sharp nails...

[ Sorry, he's just. Muttering to himself. Don't mind him sounding like he's reconsidering anything. ]

Wait, would you like me to not ride on you?

[ Are the claws an issue? Gorgug's never said so in the past! Fabian has, but Fabian complains just to complain half of the time, and that's the fun in it. He glances down at his claws, sharp enough to easily rend through flesh and... probably not super fun to have digging into your shoulders.

The question backfired! He thought he'd be hurting someone's feelings down the line, but maybe he's the one whose feelings who should be hurt! Is the riding thing weird? Has he been weird this whole time???? ]

I don't have to. I can walk. I've got legs.

[ Oh-- oh no! ]

No, no, I meant-- I mean, it's fine. I don't have a problem. You can ride on me.

[ Is he going to get bothered about claws now when Riz does worse to him, admittedly? The guy bites sometimes. It's not always warned. (Is it ever actually warned? Riz has his own excitable habits like the rest of them.) ]

I just never thought about being someone's favourite ride or being sad about that.

[ His mind was going places... ]

Are you sure?

[ Sorry, Gorgug. He's gonna be thinking about it now. Not enough not to do it - or not to bite sometimes, when the spirit comes over him; sorry buddy, his self-meditation doesn't go that far - but enough to at least consider maybe not digging his claws in quite as hard.

He gets excited. And then a little nervous about falling? And then excited again. It can be a little hard to control sometimes, as evidenced by an absolutely shameful amount of surfaces in the Gukgak household absolutely riddled with little pinprick holes. ]

I guess I never actually asked... [ He just likes to be tall. ] Your parents never asked for a boost in, like, big crowds or whatever? I can never see shit at Bloodrush games. [ Not without hitching a ride, that is, but while Fabian and Gorgug are on the field, he usually just rides on Kristen.

Which is his least favourite ride. She bounces and jumps up and down and her low dex scores means that the two of them usually take at least two spills on average per game. They're absolutely hellish to sit behind. ]

Yeah. No. Yeah.

[ Sometimes, Gorgug can fail to sound convincing, despite his best efforts... but sometimes, the thought occurs to you whether someone wants a Riz Gukgak shape to be their favourite ride than to ask whether a Riz Gukgak has a favourite. There are downsides, isn't there? Downsides that Gorgug knows about, and, well--

He's kinda just used to it, honestly. Riz hurts sometimes, but that's life. He gets overexcited, it happens. Gorgug gets overexcited sometimes too.

But where do his parents fit in? Riz has him thinking, although Gorgug thinks he knows the answer. But now that he's really thinking about it?... ]

Not really. [ When's the last time he got asked for a boost? .... ] They take ladder and steps anywhere, and-- a pillow. They have this platform they can stand on [ and he's trying to make a brick shape with his hands ] and it can go up, and they put the pillow on it if they want to sit on it. But they never go anywhere... I've never gone somewhere they needed me to help them see. The faires have a lot of different people there. And they can get to everything in the tree. Everything's their size.

[ And the tree is, honestly, where he mostly sees them. He hasn't gone to one of their faires in years (maybe he should, next time? now that he's into artificing), and they don't eat out or go to places as a family much. Inviting Gorgug's friends and their family over for occassions is the most they do in terms of socialising.

(He's not thinking about the sex machines. He's not considering what they're actually doing now, when he isn't at home as often.) ]

[ Okay, note to self: maybe don't ride on Gorgug anymore? Or less? The 'yeah' would have been good enough, being that Riz would like to be deluded about how welcome it is for him to ride around on Gorgug on account of the fact that he personally enjoys it. But the immediate no after that? Yikes.

(A second, separate note is to just not ask Fabian, because Fabian will absolutely say he doesn't like it, and then Riz can't in good faith keep doing it, which means he'll be effectively 0/0 on rides, which would be tragic for both his line of vision and for his perpetually sore feet, sans a functional transit system. Riz loathes ignorance, but sometimes plausible deniability is bliss.) ]

I guess it'd be a little weirder to ask your son for a boost than it is to ask a friend for one, huh? [ Look at him! He's moving on! He's really mature and he's definitely still not considering his ride prospects! ] That makes sense. They've lived a whole life without having you around to help 'em out.

[ Potentially an extremely long life, considering Gnomish lifespans. A little wistfully, he says, ] It must be nice, living somewhere where everything's your size. Everything at Strongtower's built to human-standard. Gilear acted like living at Strongtower was awful, but at least he could reach the counters.

[ It's not that bad at home though, really. It was set up for Goblins before he was even born, so even if all of the built-in appliances aren't made for them - the counters and cupboards too tall, the measly spray of the showerhead down to a trickle by the time it gets to them, the sinks forever out of reach - the Gukgaks had already made sure everything was accessible one way or another.

He's preaching to the choir here, though. At the end of the day, he'd much rather be too small than too big. Gorgug's whole bed-breaking problems, while recently dimished (he thinks?), are a lot less pleasant than just grabbing a stepping stool. ]

Maybe we should switch, huh?

I can come over next time we're home and I'll help you resize. I bet my parents will have some suggestions.

[ ...granted, they made everything suited to them (and then made things for Gorgug, to help him manage), but they're tinkerers: they love to create. They would have ideas and a perspective that Gorgug doesn't have that he thinks would be useful, and ultimately, he wants to be helpful to his friend's (and his friend's mother's!) plight.

Not that he's thinking about how their landlord would feel about it, but also a thing Gorgug doesn't regular have to consider.

But what he does think, and does include: ] --we can look at changes when we get back to the apartment too.

[ You know. If Riz would want that? They could check some things out. Make the shower easier to manage, maybe. ]

It's not that bad.

[ He says it quickly, reflexively, probably in a way that Gorgug himself has said time and time again. ]

It's less that it's that hard for me and more that I think Gilear was being a big baby about the whole thing. [ He feels a little bad saying it - he actually really likes Gilear, genuinely likes him in a way that it's likely only Fig shares, but the rest hadn't seen the way Gilear had helped him in Hell - but he's not wrong. Gilear was being a big baby about it. Strongtower Apartments aren't that bad. ]

But, um... that's really nice of you to offer. Maybe, if my Mom is okay with it? She can be a little weird about that kind of thing.

[ It's a pride thing. It's always a pride thing, when it comes to the Gukgaks. It's not that his Mom doesn't want him to complain or ask for help, but she never seemed to figure out how to receive it. ]

[ Gorgug will give Gilear plenty of leniency, he's Fig's dad, after all, but--is he going to defend his honour when he's not right in front of him?

No. Anyway, ]

Sure. [ Gorgug is on board with that, nodding. ...and yet: ] We could take a look, and-- if there's anything that would be easy for me or my parents to do, we can-

[ He makes a grabbing motion, yanking this imaginary thing out. ]

Break it. Then say me or my parents needed a new project to your mom. Especially me--for school.

[ You know, exactly how artificers dealing with plumbing or kitchen work. Absolutely logical.

And the thing is, being a Thistlespring tinkerer does mean fucking with plenty of crafting paths. ]

OPERATION: YOUTHFUL DISOBEDIENCE

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