etrayalogs | [ OPEN ] recuperation & reconciliation

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[ OPEN ] recuperation & reconciliation

WHO: riz gukgak & YOU!!
WHEN: post-fear event onwards!
WHERE: throughout etraya (shops & diners, hospital, training grounds)
WHAT: in the wake of the fear event, riz gets to work on getting stronger, smarter, and trying to be a better friend (outcome: undecided). I'm down for anything! if you'd like something different, feel free to take up the wildcard or ping me on discord/plurk!
NOTES\WARNINGS: discussions of violence & paranoia

a. around town.

[ Riz is not doing well.

Riz is, it must be said, rarely doing well. He's the sort of kid who never learned to relax; no matter what, he always seems to be worried about something, the indefatigable machine that simply sprints from place to place, problem to problem, existing on a diet of convenience foods and coffee when left to his own devices, rarely sleeping. To some, he seems no worse than normal; the deep purple shadows underneath his eyes and the propensity to get startled easily and the tell-tale tremble of his hands from too much caffeine just being a part of what makes Riz, Riz. The only other oddity is the fact that he seems to shy away from his own reflection; whether it's a mirror, a pane of glass, or even a metal napkin receptacle, it gets covered up, avoided, or otherwise pushed out of sight.

But he's doing what he does best, which is pretending none of it exists in the first place. Perhaps you catch him late at night at the coffee shop, whiling away the wee hours of the morning with a cup of coffee approximately as large as his head, scribbling wildly in a thick notebook, his square spectacles sliding steadily down his nose. He startles when someone else comes in, jolting in his seat and knocking his cup askew -- possibly spilling it all over your shoes. ] Shit -- sorry, sorry! I wasn't expecting anyone here!

[ Or maybe you run into him during the daytime, at the grocery store shoving an absolutely obscene amount of beef into a shopping cart far bigger than he is, at the clothing store hunting down clothes for himself in the petit section (or childrens section but, well, beggars can't be choosers), or scarfing down food at an alarming rate in the diner. He's a man about town -- and a man who doesn't particularly want to be home too much right now.

Or perhaps you run into him somewhere else entirely, wandering around Bangsan Market, fingers drumming on his elaborately tattooed forearms. ] Okay. Let's say, hypothetically speaking, you just had the worst month ever. What kinda gift would cheer you up...?

[ Or are all gifts meaningless when you don't have to spend any money on them? Hm. Troubling. Very troubling. ]

b. first-aid refreshers.

[ In the wake of everything that's happened and with no handy Cleric nearby, Riz has made the decision to freshen up on his first-aid skills. You can spot him at the hospital loading an obscene amount of materials into his briefcase, which appears to be able to hold endless amounts of supplies; gauze, bandages, needles and thread, antiseptic and antibiotics, and ice packs and heat packs all make their way in.

Otherwise? He's in a public place like the diner, with an enormous tome on first-aid in front of him that he's frowning at in-between applying his expertise to a suturing practice kit he has laid in front of him, his nimble fingers hooking the needle steadfastly through silicone skin. If he notices he has an audience, he might glance up with a sheepish sort of smile, the knitting of his brows off-setting the row of razor-sharp teeth. ] I figure I should get some practice in while I still can. [ He glances down at the wound kits in front of him with a frown. ] I still haven't got the wound packing quite right, I don't think.

c. training.

[ First-aid training is one thing. Riz is dexterous and nimble and has a great attention to detail, all things that have led to him being a dab hand at figuring out how to deal with battlefield injuries. The physical part of the equation is something else, and something he's decided to dedicate himself to, his own exhaustion be damned.

His gunwork is fine. Great, even. He hits his marks with the consistency and precision they require. It's everything else that he's lacking in. Which is how you might spot him doing laps around a field, in a rare showing of having changed out of his usual stuffy suit-and-tie number, and... honestly, not doing that great. When he finally stops, hands braced on his knees and taking a swig out of a bottle of water, he looks like he might keel over.

Otherwise, you might find him on the training grounds, staring dubiously at the weights (he picks one up with both hands, slams it back down again, dubiously walking down the rack as the weights get smaller, and smaller, and smaller...) and looking over at the rest of the gym as though it contains any answers for him. Strength isn't his strong suit, he knows, but maybe he could be stronger? Or, perhaps, you see him with his rapier out, doing the same drills he'd been taught all those months ago at Aguefort Academy. If you pop in and look interested, he may well flag you down and ask, ] Hey, you here to train too?

d. friendship tour.

[ The last task on his to-do list is the hardest one of them all: trying to get better at being a friend, and not just some mechanism made for solving mysteries. It's clear that his brain has been failing him these days, which leaves one more option: trying to become a better friend.

If you're one of Riz's friends or acquaintances, whether he runs into you by chance or he texts you directly, Riz is going to be approaching you to check up on you. It's time to talk. About feelings. Not his own, obviously, but he's checking in on you -- with maybe some food to help ease the blow, or an offer to just get wonderfully, fabulously drunk. They deserve it. ]

e. wildcard!

[ hit me up for anything! you can find me on the discord or on plurk @ wisdombitch xoxoxo ]

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[She blushes, fiercely, rubbing the back of her neck.]

I...no? I mean, it was just me until I joined up, and after that...I dunno, they let me have first swig when we got back as a reward for not getting us shot down?

[Does that count? Her look is hopeful for a moment. No, her look then says, it clearly can't count.]

That doesn't count at all!

[ Okay, so maybe the Jedi as an order didn't have much time for gifts or any other sort of silliness of the like, but Riz is nonetheless appalled at there not being any gifts whatsoever. Cookies? Some picked flowers? A book? Something's better than nothing.

This can't stand. It's not a proper gift if the other person knows damn well what you're doing, and everything is free here besides - it's hard for Riz to feel as though it really counts in a place like this - but he's got to fix this. ]

Wait here! Don't move! I'll know!

[ He points at his eyes and points at Mal, deadly serious, and then simply... sprints right into the market. Poor Mal is forced to wait a while (as fast as Riz is, he wants to find something that's actually decent), and he emerges holding a box hastily wrapped in brown paper and twine and thrusts it towards her, still sweating profusely. ]

There. This opens you up for newer, better gifts.

[ There's nothing that special inside. Riz didn't spend that much time on it for obvious reasons, and you have to do little more than simply pluck things off the shelves. But at least even if Mal leaves tomorrow, she can say she's received at least one gift. It's just a box of cookies, and a pair of brown leather gloves that Riz reckoned would be useful for blaster training, but it's better than nothing. ]

[She watches him go, speaking to herself.]

I mean, it was good alcohol...

[And then she just stands here, unsure what to do with herself, hands moving from her hips to behind her backs to finally hiding in the pockets of her jacket, self-consciously avoiding fidgeting. She has a good idea what he's doing, but has never gone through this so she has no idea what to do with it. Are you supposed to know in advance? Does that change anything about it? I mean, how surprising could these things be, right, with, well, birthdays and the like being regular things? ...She should really pick a day and call that her birthday.]

[...Wait what's the calendar here even look like?]

[Thankfully, his return stifles these questions, and she's left holding a box, just sort of looking at it for a long moment, hands trailing over the twine. She wants to tell him she...doesn't actually want to open it. It's special just as it is, weird as that would sound. She opens her mouth to say so, then closes it. Because he'd gone to all that effort. And so she pulls at the twine, works carefully at the brown paper to not tear a single piece of it...and then just stares at what's inside. A few moments later:]

Ok, so, um. [She clears her throat, and...are her eyes a little moist? She's not going to say.] I'm going to hug you now. And it's gonna last a while. Then I'm breaking in these gloves and sharing whatever these are that smell so good.

But. Um. Mainly the hugging thing, because...thank you.

[ Riz hadn't really thought beyond getting Mal a present, if not only to right a wrong that's been left unattended for far too long. He hadn't thought about how Mal was going to feel about it, or if the contents were any good, or truly, properly, what it would mean -- not until he thrust it into her hands and watched as she held it in her hands like it was some sort of precious object instead of a couple of things Riz had hastily shoved into a box.

It's only the unshed tears in her eyes that has him biting his tongue against the urge to deflect her thanks, tell her it was nothing, that he should've gotten something better, that he didn't even pay for it anyway, it's no big deal. But in the moment, he realizes that that would be the greater cruelty.

It's small. But it is a big deal to her. He had been personally blessed with a kinder life than hers, with parents who loved him dearly, who knew that even if they were on their last dollar, it didn't matter what sort of thing he was opening on his birthday. Even if it was just his favourite library book up for sale as they cleaned out their old supply, available for nothing more than a copper, it was never any less special for it.

He's not all that much to Mal -- neither family nor partner. But he's a friend. And that's a good place to start. ]

Oh! Um... I like hugs.

[ That much, at least, is the truth. He opens his arms wide and stands on his tip-toes just to make it easier, wrapping his arms around her to the best of his ability. He's still a little sweaty from all that running, but he has a funny feeling she won't mind. ]

Happy belated birthdays. [ She can probably hear his smile in his voice. ] Get ready, 'cause when I have some advance notice, I'll get you a really good one.

[He might not think he's much to her, but he's wrong. Part of that lays in how Jedi are trained to think of people, all of whom are precious - but friends have not featured much in her life, before the Jedi Order. You were friendly with people in her squad, in the military days, but you didn't make friends.]

[They died too quickly.]

[He can't possibly know it, but he's one of the first friends she's ever had. It means quite a lot to her. More, now.]

[So she'll squeeze him tight, and definitely won't mind at all.]

Heh, I'll get on figuring out when that is, I promise. And you better expect me to do the same back!

You don't know when your birthday is...?

[ Mal's life is, Riz decides, probably the saddest one he's heard of. Which is probably saying something considering the sort of lives people in his own party have had, but at least they know their own damn birthdays. He wrinkles his broad nose at her, deciding that that's not what anyone really wants to hear after a vulnerable moment. ]

Well, you don't have to worry too much about buying stuff for me. I'm easy, [ Riz declares, which is the truth. He tends to be pretty chuffed by getting just about anything. But more importantly... ]

If you don't have a birthday, you wanna grab a calendar and choose one? We can do this unscientifically. We can horoscope this shit.

[She shrugged, a bit defensively.]

Nar Shaddaa orphanages didn't keep good records. Or...records.

[It had been a hard life. One that had made it oh so easy for the Empire to pour rage and hatred into her head and make her into a weapon. But now...now there's something better. And she can use her past as purpose.]

[She might not be able to help everyone, but if she can prevent one child from growing up as she did...then it will be enough.]

[...Though a nice glass of Corellian ale and maybe someone warm to snuggle against on cold nights would be nice. She'll take those, too, if available. Oh, and the occasional high-speed run on a speeder bike. She misses that.]

Makes as much sense as anything - horoscope away, I guess.

[ It's not shocking to not have a real birthday. Plenty of people don't. The shocking part is, Riz thinks, to not have had the friends around to make up one for her already. He and Mal have known each other for a long time now, but he likes to think that if they'd met underneath ordinary circumstances, he would have tried to sort one out with her by now. ]

Okay! We're gonna find you the best birthday, [ he says with confidence, as though one day will be better than the others. ]

Not around any of the other major holidays that you'd celebrate, not close to anyone else's birthdays, maybe... something in the summer? C'mon, they've got a book on horoscopes around here somewhere!

[ Sorry, Mal. You've been muscled into having to take the equivalent of a buzzfeed quiz with an extremely determined fifteen year old. Sometimes life just takes you places. ]

[She grins and shakes her head.]

The best birthday, huh? I dunno...

[But he's got her a bit thoughtful now.]

Supposedly it was the warmer times when I got dropped off at the first orphanage.

Warmer times... that narrows down the search a little bit. That means you were a summer baby.

[ Riz forges steadily ahead until he stumbles across a book about horoscopes -- clearly meant for teen girls if the pinky sparkly exterior has anything to do with it, but he seems as unflappable as usual as he immediately dives in. ]

Oooo-kay. So that means you're probably a Gemini, a Cancer, a Leo, or a Virgo. It should list character traits right -- okay, no, it's saying what other signs you gotta get your kisses in with.

[ Damn. What does a guy have to do around here to avoid the perpetual romance filling the air? He flips through the pages until he comes across the profiles. ]

So that's... spontaneous and curious, stubborn and intuitive, loyal and dramatic, or logical and diligent.

[ He pushes the book over to her to take a look at. ]

So? Which one feels good?

[She chuckles a bit at part of that.]

I mean, I wouldn't mind some kisses. It's been about eleven thousand years.

[But she takes the descriptions on board. Stubborn and intuitive certainly describes the old her, in some limited degree. But that isn't the real her, certainly.]

I guess...spontaneous and curious. But loyal also fits. And, as a friend, you're not allowed to tell me I'm dramatic.

[Said with the sort of wry look that says that isn't true.]

[ Riz wrinkles his nose when he thinks that Mal isn't looking - yuck, more kisses - but is quickly distracted by continuing on with the silly little personality quiz. He's not really a horoscope guy, but... it's fun. And everything's been so serious lately! He's missed having fun like this, even if he used to protest every step of the way when Fig or Kristen wanted them all to fill out some stupid quiz in some stupid magazine.

Plus, it's an effort for a friend. That's gotta count as a good deed. ]

Okay, [ he tells her with a shit-eating grin. ] You're not dramatic.

[ He's just saying that to make fun of her. In truth, she's one of the least dramatic people Riz has ever known. ]

Spontaneous and curious fits you better, though. You're always asking questions, and wanting to know more about the world -- about different worlds, I guess. I'd put that one down for sure.

[Not for everyone, true, but they'd been quite nice, she remembers. Vaguely. And weirdly enough? Yeah, it is fun. It's strange and weird and sounds like a mix of tradition and nonsense, but...fun.]

Ok, so we've got that...what does this add up to?

That'd be... Gemini! May 21st to June 21st. So all that's left is for you to choose your favourite number.

[ He's already got his crystal out, little calendar open and ready to punch a date into it. He's going to be prepared, next time. ]

I'd tell you to try to avoid any overlapping holidays, but your holidays are probably a lot different from mine. I don't think Fathers Day would put a wrench in your celebration plans anyway. [ A curl of a smile. ] Most people I've talked to here don't have 'em anyway.

[She thinks about that. for a long moment.]

Well, my transport number was always thirteen. Troops got to calling it lucky since I never got shot down on the drops - so I guess I can go with that.

And yeah, holidays are different on every planet. So I'm happy to improvise, heh.

June thirteenth! [ He takes out his crystal and punches the date in, tapping the little bell in the corner so he can get a notification later. As sad as it is that Mal apparently hasn't celebrated a single birthday in her life... this was fun. It's a nice reminder that important things don't have to be all doom and gloom; sometimes they're a good time too, to take a personality quiz with a pal and to right some past wrongs.

Besides, choosing a later date gives him time to practice baking after his first disastrous attempt for Fabian and Adaine's shared birthday. ]

Perfect. If we're still here next June, I'll be ready! And for your first birthday, you've got to have a party. [ Then, thoughtfully: ] A party can be just a few people, for the record.

[ That's what Riz's birthdays are. Just him and the same people he hangs out with all the time anyway. He wouldn't have it any other way. ]

Edited 2025-02-26 11:29 (UTC)

[She laughs, shaking her head.]

Fine, a party, just don't be surprised if nobody turns up.

[She points a finger at him.]

And you gotta explain all the traditions first so I don't look like an idiot at my own party.

A party's a party, even if there's only two people there! [ Is that the voice of Sklonda Gukgak coming out of Riz's body? It is, but Riz sounds a lot more convinced than poor, poor Sklonda was at the time. It's tough out there for single Moms. ]

Not saying that that's what's going to happen, don't worry. I'll teach you all the important Birthday ins and outs, which is mainly just candles and cake and a song? But it'll be your birthday. You can start whatever tradition you like.

[ No need to stick to the box, man! ]

Edited 2025-03-10 09:35 (UTC)

[She thinks about that for a long moment.]

Huh. Ok, that makes sense. We'll take it as it goes, then. I might need more friends than I have for this.

Better get on that.

It's okay, [ Riz is quick to reassure her. ] Most of my birthday parties were just me and my mom, and it was still pretty great. But... making more friends is never a bad thing.

[ Riz had been a very lonely child, but there's no hint that he's bitter or begrudging of his solo birthday parties. His Mom had always made it special -- took a day off work even if she couldn't muster the day off for his birthday itself, took him out for ice cream, maybe even a movie if something good was playing. He'd been content. ]

I'll invite Fabian and Gorgug too. So then you'll have three friends coming.

[ Surely they'd like Mal! And surely Mal would like them! At his heart, Riz would like for all of his friends to get along. ]

[She smiles at that.]

Fabian's good people. I don't know Gorgug, but I'll take your word for it.

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[ OPEN ] recuperation & reconciliation

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Sooo appropriate given her history :P

and we came by it honestly!!!

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