Long overdue apologies (closed)

[100more]

WHO: Hob Gadling, Vanessa Ives
WHEN: December
WHERE: Vanessa's home
WHAT: Breaking and entering and apologizing
NOTES\WARNINGS: None.



[ It's been over a month since Hob last spoke to Vanessa, and the way they parted has bothered him on a regular basis since then. Again and again, he has tried to wrap his head around their argument and how he could have said such cruel things to her. It wasn't like him at all, and he does not believe those words were even his true feelings. More like a twisted version of concerns he harbored about the woman and his friend.

To top it off, he's received no reply to the messages he's sent to Dream. Not hearing from either of them finally becomes too much for him to live with, so Hob goes to Vanessa's stately home.

He knocks. No answer. He knocks again. Rings a bell (if there is one). Still, nothing. What if something terrible has happened to them? Hob steps away from the door and stares up at the stone facade, then moves to the closest window on his right. He tries to peer inside but spies nothing. Should he come back later? Slowly, he steps away, turning and making it halfway down the walk before he stops. Fuck. He can't.

What if they're inside and injured or worse? Taking a large stone from the ground, one that fits in his palm, Hob marches right back to that same window and smashes the glass. After striking a few more pieces free, he carefully reaches inside to try and unlock it. ]

Comments

[matermali]

[ The window is too far from the door for any human to reach, but the sound is enough to draw Vanessa's attention. She's actually become used to unexpected noises and phenomena, but that doesn't mean she won't be curious each and every time. Even if she can't sense Morpheus, she can always hope, can't she?

She had been "sleeping" on the sofa in the parlour, or rather letting her mind drift, so she's rather quick to draw near, lingering at the bottom of the stairs while squinting at the broken window several feet away. Perhaps she ought to say something, but she merely stares, too lost in her own woes to understand why anyone would be trying to get inside. It isn't as if thieving is lucrative in this realm.

If he can see inside, it's rather dim, but even her silhouette might appear disheveled. A curious shadow.

Though she doesn't move from her spot, the heavy door slowly unlocks. ]

[100more]

[ Hob reaches around but without any luck in letting himself in. Why does this house have to be as locked down as the Bank of England?

For a moment, he thinks he spots a figure and there's a sudden sense of hope, followed by some very loud cursing when he cuts his forearm on some shattered glass as he's withdrawing it. ]

Fuck me!

[ Way to go, Gadling. Now you're bleeding. ]

[matermali]

[ The voice is something of a startle, though nothing to do with the language. Recognition brings guilt, as Vanessa suddenly realizes why he must be here, and near clarity sharpens her gaze as she looks to where the door has unlocked itself.

By now, she has become used to the oddities, but there is an eternal frustration at how little control she has over it, if it is her own magic acting out.

The door cracks open a few inches, at least enough for Vanessa to peer out with red-rimmed eyes. She squints at how bright it seems outside, even with cloud cover. ]

...Mr. Gadling?

[ Abnormally hesitant, even knowing he must have injured himself, her troubled silhouette lurks behind the small opening as she struggles to gather her wits. ]

[100more]

[ Hob cradles his injured hand and wishes he carried a handkerchief like in the old days. He'll need to go and find something to wrap it with. Maybe see a doctor. That's when he hears the *click* of the latch and sees the door open a little. The sight of eyes peering out at him makes him jump, reminding him too much of those horror movies Daisy liked so much.

The voice is familiar, though, and he exclaims. ]

Vanessa?! Oh my God, you're alive!

[ Can she even die? Who knows. He just means that he's surprised she's here. ]

[matermali]

[ If one can call this living. ]

What— Why are you...

[ She can smell the blood before seeing it, which is enough to convince her to draw the door further open. Dust and cobwebs decorate the banisters and furniture, though the finer sofa and chairs in the parlour have at least been protected with sheets.

It looks like no one has lived there in months, though she has not done well to note the passage of time. Vanessa nearly looks like a ghost herself, with a haunted gaze and a drifting voice. ]

...He isn't here. You came for him? He...isn't here.

[100more]

[ Hob is a little too stunned by her state and what he can see beyond the door to respond immediately, but then he gets it together. ]

I came looking for both of you. I haven't seen or heard...

[ Well, after he last saw her, he didn't expect to hear from her, and Hob thought Dream was so angry with him over what he said to Vanessa (surely, she would have told him), that his old friend had written him off completely. ]

Did he go out for something?

[ Judging by the way she looks, Hob already suspects where Dream really is. He's gone. ]

[matermali]

[ The question is more puzzling than anything else, and her lips clamp tightly shut for a moment as she stares.

Ah.

Vanessa should have been the one to inform others of Dream's disappearance, but how could she? After what she had done, none of them should wish to ever hear from her again, and they might have even thought to blame her for doing something to harm Dream.

They wouldn't be entirely wrong. She still suspects that he's gone because of her. ]

He is gone. Returned to his role, some...time ago.

[ Vanessa doesn't know how long it's been. She hasn't been watching the network or a calendar. ]

[100more]

[ Some time ago? For a moment, Hob is a bit angry, since she didn't tell him, but in the next moment, he sees the state she's in and understands why. After glancing down at his hand, which is dripping at this point, he looks back at her. ]

I need to get this bandaged. Then I'll come back and bring you some food and things for the house.

[matermali]

[ Squinting, Vanessa slowly shakes her head. At least at the moment, she has food. She may not be eating much of it, but it's there. ]

No.

[ Perhaps it would be better to elaborate, but she still isn't entirely herself. He may hear it as a refusal to let him leave while still injured.

What fractured piece that is still cognizant isn't about to be coddled by a friend of Dream's, though, especially one she has caused any pain. Does he even understand that she was the reason for his outburst at their last meeting?

She hasn't exactly been keeping up with the gossip.

Again he's been hurt because of her, however indirectly, so despite her refusal at his offer to help, Vanessa will still step aside with a subtle motion for him to come inside.

If he can abide the musty air within. ]

I can bandage it.

[100more]

[ No? For a moment, Hob mistakes that for instructions not to return. After a few moments, the word is clarified. ]

Oh. If you insist.

[ He'll accept the invitation, since he did want the chance to speak to her, even if Dream isn't here. Hob tries to keep his hand from getting any droplets on the floor as he enters the home. ]

[matermali]

[ Perhaps she ought to be embarrassed about the neglected state of the house, but she isn't collected enough to experience shame over something so mundane. There are far greater sins to be ashamed over.

At first quiet, she'll shut the door behind Hob before leading him off to the right of the staircase, toward the small library. In the room is a small table for card readings, and off to the side is a large trunk where she kneels to begin sifting through. Along with bundled herbs and tonics, there is bandaging and a suturing kit.

Hopefully, he won't need stitches.

A sad murmur, ]

Does it hurt?

[ Not the cut. ]

That he escaped without you? Or...are you comforted by his possible freedom, knowing you will still see him again?

[100more]

[ It's strange seeing the house like this. Not that Hob spent a whole lot of time here, but it feels out of character. Did she completely fall apart when Dream left?

Once in the library, Hob watches as she looks for some medical supplies and takes a seat anywhere that looks comfortable. The cut isn't so bad that it needs stitches, just a bit of care. At first, he naturally thinks the question is about his injury until she clarifies, and then his brow furrows, and he shakes his head. ]

From what I know of this place, it's never our choice if we arrive or leave.

[ So Hob can't exactly blame him for leaving without them. ]

And I don't know if I'll see him again. If my universe is destroyed, I don't know what will become of me or anyone else. I've already been here for quite some time.

[matermali]

[ An understandable response, though it doesn't quite answer her question. She knows that Dream isn't to blame. Only Echo is. ]

Doesn't that possibility bring you pain, then...?

[ Vanessa doesn't believe their universes will be lost while they're gone. Those are more lies told by their captors.

But that doesn't ensure that they'll all escape, that they'll see loved ones again.

Gathering up the bandaging and grabbing the bottle of brandy nearby, Vanessa will slowly kneel beside his chair and hold out a hand for him to offer his injured arm. In this, she's nearly hesitant, understanding why anyone should be reluctant to touch her. ]

[100more]

[ The possibility of which? Or does she mean all of it? Hob isn't really sure. He offers his injured hand with no hesitation as he thinks it over. ]

I have had to say goodbye to every person I have ever known. Permanently. Except for him. Knowing he's still out there gives me hope.

[ Not pain. Maybe he's a 'glass is half full' kind of guy, but he sees it in the opposite light. There is a chance that they'll meet again, not a chance that they never will. ]

[matermali]

[ Yet he's only just admitted that he may never see Dream again. She wonders how that doesn't break him, at least fracture him, the possibility of losing his last glimmer of hope? After so many losses already? He seems to be taking this in perfect stride, unlike the shock that Vanessa has been left in.

She isn't weak, she knows that much. Yet she doesn't know where to summon her strength from, not anymore. What to summon it for? Morpheus would indeed say not to give up hope, but hope is a cruelty after a certain point. She had told him as much.

Immortality must be exhausting. There is a reason it doesn't tempt Vanessa like some.

Perhaps she already knows the trials from the eternity already lived by her other, hidden self.

His calm reaction has her curious if he's restraining himself, given his outburst during their last meeting. If so, she shouldn't put him in that same position again, because what would that make her?

So for now, she contemplates while trying to focus on a simpler, immediate fix: his arm. She'll soak some cloth in the brandy to wipe at the cut, not offering him much warning for the potential sting, before she begins to bandage it. ]

[100more]

[ 'May' is not a certainty. And as much as Hob values Dream, the Endless is not his 'last glimmer of hope'. People thrive on hope. Perhaps it's the only way Hob has endured as many losses as he has. Even if they have lost Dream, Hob can place his hope in others or just in the future in general. Still being alive to hope is better than the alternative.

When she cleans his wound, Hob fails to hold back the soft hiss, but he doesn't jerk his hand away. She's free to continue her work. And although she doesn't bring up their last encounter, it's part of the reason he's here. ]

I also came here to apologize to you for the things I said. That was very.. inappropriate of me. And cruel.

[ If Vanesa thinks his protectiveness of Dream is a sign that he can’t bear to live without the man, she has possibly misjudged the type of person Hob Gadling is. ]

[matermali]

[ Her hands still with the bandaging, shoulders stiffening slightly at his words. Something dark and heavy settles in her chest—how easily they all misunderstand. The Im'mari's poison lingers still, whispering of corruption and untold damage.

After a moment, she continues her work with practiced care, each movement precise despite the tremor she fights to hide. His kindness in offering an apology only deepens her shame. When she speaks, her voice emerges barely above a whisper, heavy with the weight of her sins. ]

You were not within your right mind. I was the one to...influence such behavior. The cruelty was mine.

[ She secures the final fold of the bandage with delicate precision, though her hands linger over the finished work. Her gaze remains fixed on the pristine white cloth as the carmine stain begins to peek through. Here, at least, she can mend what's broken—so unlike the damage she's done to those she holds dear.

She will never be able to apologize to Morpheus.

Her next words carry the hollow echo of one who has spent too long dwelling in shadows. ]

That...creature which threatened this realm, it used the corruption already within me to tarnish any surrounding goodness.

[100more]

[ Hob stares at the look on the look on her face, his lips turned into a soft frown. He can tell she feels horrible about what happened, and Hob has so many questions. About that influence. How it all came about. The corruption, whatever it is.

He's come to realize that asking her questions is kind of pointless, though. She can keep her secrets. ]

Then it wasn't your fault. I won't blame you for that, but I still apologize for my words, regardless. They were twisted beyond my own recognition.

[matermali]

[ Normally she may be more inclined to argue against his dismissal of her active role in the possession, but her mood has been too battered for her to summon such a will. Instead, she leans back onto her heels, handles settling into her lap where she can scratch at her wrist and look downward with a furrowed brow.

After a moment, she will glance up with an unusual awkwardness. Given the circumstances he is apologizing for, this may be a cruel ask, but this isn't the sort of thing she can request of Constantine. ]

Though I do am not deserving, I would ask for you to extend such kindness even further. Should you return to your world with memory intact, would you... Would you tell him that my love for him shall ever persist?

[100more]

[ Hob looks down at his bandaged hand, appreciative of her work in mending it. Seeing her behave this way is strange, since he's only ever seen her so composed except that night they got angry at each other, and certainly, he's never seen her shattered quite like this.

His brow arches, curious as she makes her tentative request. The smile that follows is with kind sympathy. ]

Of course I will. And I know, if it is in his power, he will find a way back to you.

[matermali]

[ Any sort of sympathy under these circumstances pierces her more sharply than blame could. One, at least, she knows she deserves. ]

...I am not so certain.

[ Though Dream was remarkably patient with her during her changes, she had nearly hurt him in return—in ways that so few could return from. In doing, she learned of how brutal his resentment could be, and how deep his grudges could hold, especially for those he had once claimed to love.

She may never know for certain, though, and that is somehow worse than anything. A purgatory of her own creation. ]

I do not think he blamed me entirely for what I did, but...I do not know if he could forgive me. He always bade that I never lose sight of hope, and yet I did, and I used that pain against him as I did you.

[100more]

[ Hob doesn't know the ins and outs of their relationship, but he does know Dream has changed much over the years Hob has known him, especially in the last hundred due to his previous captivity. In a way, if anyone could be free from this place, Hob is glad it is Dream who is no longer a prisoner. ]

But it wasn't your fault. There was something going on.

[ Even Hob doesn't know the details, despite the effect it had on him. ]

I know he felt very strongly about you. Perhaps, you are harder on yourself than even he would be.