etrayalogs | [closed] i've been wandering through the echoes

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[closed] i've been wandering through the echoes

WHO: Vincent Smith and Maria.
WHEN: After the network thread with Maria.
WHERE: Corrine's Cafe.
WHAT: Just two besties talking about their deep personal thoughts. Or when you're so in your own head, you need to go to Vincent to get out.
NOTES\WARNINGS: Silent Hill 3 and Silent Hill 2 Remake spoilers. Will add if there are more.

[ As adamant as Vincent is against owing a debt to anyone or anything, he doesn't particularly mind ordering a cup of black coffee at the cafe.

One, since he's become aware the bots can be creative with recipes, he feels safe in asking. Two, the cost of the coffee is, in his opinion, paid off with his presence in the shop. If he didn't show up there, they would be manning an empty shop otherwise, right? Right.

It is the argument that he has prepared for anyone, but no one will presumably ask him. However, the day he doesn't have an argument prepared for why he is doing something is the day he feels comfortable with the people around him.

In short, it is never going to happen.

He sits at his table, legs crossed, and uses the handle of the cup to spin his coffee. His head lifts when he notes movement and he dramatically raises his arm like Maria wouldn't be able to find him otherwise. And he greets her as usual: ]

Hiya, Maria.

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[it's laughable how Vincent talks. not about the subject matter, because that isn't funny at all, but how Vincent speaks as if none of this is bad. as if nothing about this religion is concerning.

and how he talks about how useful her and Heather are. still, she can't be bothered. becoming friends with Vincent was understanding what he was about. he had opened up to her about it anyway. had told her just as much what he was, the kind of person he was. so no, it doesn't bother her.]

How comforting for you. [and then she decides to chance it, asking:] Didn't it ever worry you that you had to create a failsafe for this type of thing? People change. Nobody really stays the same, do they?

[Silent Hill had always changed her, made her act in ways she didn't think she ever would have wanted to. but well, that hadn't been her, had it? or at least, hadn't been her authentically. whatever that meant.

people changed and it seemed concerning that you weren't allowed that freedom.]

Isn't it just?

[ Vincent chimes in response. He makes a soft noise at the comments about change and people. The corner of his mouth twists down as he warps his face into a thoughtful one. ]

No? [ Squinting, he doesn't understand the concern. ] I refuse to change because of other people's whims. [ It is just that simple and just that haunting a decision to make. Should he thank Leonard for it? The cruelty of that man is burned in the back of his mind; the insane heretic she became is partially his doing, after all.

Break every bone in his body. Blind him. Deafen him. Do whatever they must, but he won't change because they want him to change. Every piece of him will be interchangeable. Every thing he does has reasons upon reasons upon them; arguments upon arguments built into them. Failsafe upon failsafe to keep him as he wants to be.

Does that make him a rotten individual? Yes. He won't argue what he is, but he's just looking out for himself - and that's what everyone is doing in the end. Maria. Heather. James. All of them are trying to ensure they're doing the best for themselves so, putting it like that: ]

There's nothing wrong with remaining as you want to be regardless if the world wants you to change.

[Vincent can talk like this because he's had the freedom. somehow. despite the cult and how it has controlled so many, Vincent seems to have escaped it with this sense of self. part of her wonders how much Vincent actually believes in the faith he's part of when he seems to care far more about himself.

but Vincent wasn't unique. history was filled with people who had only cared about themselves, even when their religion said they should otherwise.]

Ah, bestie. I'm jealous of you. I wish I could be more like you, if I'm being honest.

[not that she had ever had the chance. her survival had been dependent on being exactly what she had to be. for James, for that damn town. Maria didn't even know what she wanted. even now.] I'm guessing your piece of advice would be I should just start being like you? Go all out. Drugs, sex, rock and roll. Like we talked about.

[back when she had thought she made Vincent angry at her for good. that he'd never talk to her again when he realized she'd lied about where she came from. why did that feel so long ago?]

You certainly can become more like me, bestie.

[ Just skipping over the reasons for why he is the way that he is. She can become like him - because he did find solace in his faith. ]

I'm willing to help you convert at any time. [ Because surely, she's heard everything he's said and found peace in what he's said. Nothing he's shared has been overly damning or upsetting, in his eyes, at least. ] And yes, go as wild as you like. God will be on your side, after all.

[ Until they obliterate their universe because there's no saving it, but details. The point is, he's showing his reverence and piety by bringing others to worship Her. ]

[that's laughable, she thinks. what god was on her side? if there had been any god then it had helped to keep her trapped there in that hell. the only thing that had been on her side was what the town wanted.

she wonders how his tune would change if he knew what she was. was she someone who could still be converted?]

Try to convert me before we say screw it and maybe destroy the whole universe. That sounds normal. But God will support it, right? [she laughs before it becomes a cough and she clears her throat.]

What else will God support, I wonder.

God cares for all humanity.

[ Or he will be. ]

Quite a bit. [ The only thing he's sure that She won't support is someone speaking for Her. ] It's why we can be however we like so long as we show our fear and love for that which is above. Forgiveness will come to everyone.

[ Of course, that is if God was Herself. He clicks his tongue. ]

Anyway, what's the harm of believing in something before the end of it all?

[what was the harm? what a joke. had there been forgiveness before she died? the first time? the second? the third? had there been any mercy given to her? she hadn't asked for this and yet...]

Can I ask a personal question? [she continues on before Vincent can answer. she's asking anyway!]

How did you die? Was it peaceful? Painful? Surrounded by comfort or all alone? Vincent, what were the last words that went through your mind?

[ He opens his mouth to reply, but it seems she's asking regardless of whatever his answer would be. However, the series of questions is surprising, but not something that he would be against answering. ]

Personal questions. [ He decides the emphasize the "s" at the end of the word before he says anything else. ]

Stabb in the back and in the chest. [ With his free hand, he points about where based on how he felt it. ] No. Quite. I was bleeding out on rust-covered metal flooring listening to a lunatic ramble on.

[ He shrugs his shoulders as he squeezes her hand. ] There wasn't any comfort and I didn't expect any, either. I died alone without anyone to grieve me just as I always wanted. [ He tilts his head as he frowns. ] Paradise was there if she hadn't fucked it up. [ Vincent turns and smiles. ] Sorry - language.

But yes, my last thought -- "I'm leaving it to you, Heather." [ A smile before he frowns. ]

[well...that wasn't a good way to die. Maria is taken aback a little. it was more similar to her deaths than she would've thought was possible. but he's so sad. Vincent could say he had God and his faith, that it was enough for him, but had it been? had he felt that as he died? who wanted to die alone?

she'd say as such, that she thought there was no way he could be happy with such a life, but Vincent always told her otherwise. no point in repeating herself.]

Yeah, a girl like me really finds 'fuck' offensive. [just a murmur, a small joke. but she squeezes his hand. the annoyance she had felt was slowly leaving her and now she felt ridiculous for getting annoyed at all. anything she wanted to say she didn't feel she could. or should.]

So you were...[murdered. she doesn't say it but the word is there in the silence.]. Well. I'm sorry. [she should offer that much at least.] I would have assumed your faith would have been a comfort. Given on what you preach.

I find it offensive. I'm better than that, Maria. [ That's the important part of his apology. An apology to himself. ]

It's fine. [ Vincent waves his hand, dismissively. ] I, at least, got to hear what I wanted from that psychopath. [ Let it not be said that he isn't a petty individual. Even though he lay bleeding, he did feel a tinge of happiness in hearing Claudia admit she wasn't bound for Heaven or salvation. She knew all along she was going to Hell for what she was doing; she knew she was a heretic!

It's nice to have confirmation of what he'd been saying since the beginning! ]

Well, I did feel comforted. I knew that the person who murdered me was going to Hell and they knew it, too.

[ He offers her a nasty, pleased smile. ] What better comfort is there than that?

Edited 2025-01-21 01:37 (UTC)

[then why say it in the first place, bestie? questions she won't ask but wonders.

Maria wonders how he can discuss his death so easily. was this a front? or perhaps the matter of death meant something different. for Maria, death had felt like an unfair punishment. and for Vincent? well, she had no idea. it didn't seem right to ask either.]

Being alive and living a long life? But maybe I dream too big. [living certainly hadn't felt like a possibility for her.]

[ The benefits of being part of the Order know no bounds - in his opinion. Like loneliness, he doesn't fear death. Immortality and an eternal walk of penance are far more terrifying than a short and sudden death ever could be.

Sure, he doesn't want to suffer or be in pain as any normal human being, but dying - well, it ends. It'll be over. He does lament that he couldn't spend more time in his own Paradise - locked behind the walls of fog, spending his days praying to Her.

Truly, it is a shame that was taken from him. But, as he said, he's comforted in knowing Claudia knows she will burn for what she's done. ]

It's a normal thing to dream. [ He chimes with a smile. ] I suppose if things go the way that they are -- you have a long and peaceful life ahead of you. Just here in Etraya.

Peaceful. Just forget the threat of it all ending? Besides, we can die. And be brought back. Like you said, not a good thing though. Especially for those of us that don't have much in the first place.

[letting Vincent know these things isn't a problem. if anything, it sweetens the appeal of her. she's so perfect for the cult. alone and without meaning in her life. not that it'll ever happen. Vincent's ideals and religious beliefs confuse her. she doesn't think she will ever understand.

but her being such a slate helps her stay in Vincent's good graces.] Don't you have any normal wishes?

Indeed, but at least we have each other. And I do mean that I'll stay with you through thick and thin. It's to my benefit as well to do so, you know.

[ Framing it like that, it makes it less obvious that he's trying to convert her, right? Probably right. Although, trying to bring her into the Order, it's also a selfish wish of his - so he supposes that no matter what, he really isn't lying. ]

Normal wishes? Like what?

[if she didn't know better, she would absolutely have lost herself to an answer like that. but Vincent has made his own desires clear. it isn't because he likes her or wants to help her. helping her just helps him.

but something like that still meant something to her. the small smile on her face is genuine.] I'll stay with you too. [she was lonely. she'd stick with anybody who's have her.

too bad he wouldn't be converting her.]

I don't know. People usually want money or sex, I guess. But I'm guessing you're above all that?

That's great.

[ He gives her hand a small squeeze.

His eyebrows lift at what people usually want. He runs his tongue along his teeth and shrugs his shoulders. ]

I wouldn't say above it. I participated in that rat race and didn't find any happiness in it. [ A flashing smile. ] I won't get into my romantic life with you, anyway.

[ Hard to feel anything for someone who doesn't know him and he is certain would despise the person he is; he is not sure he would like someone who does like who he is.

Sure. He likes who he is but that doesn't make him happy, either. The same could probably be said about anyone who says they like themselves, if he's honest. Liking oneself doesn't bring joy just clarity. ]

But one day I will be happy... that is probably the only positive of still being alive. [ A beat. ] Well, guess that is a normal dream, hm?

[she can't say she's not curious about what kinds of people Vincent had been attracted to. what kind of people had been attracted to Vincent? both things seem impossible. Vincent just oozed the aura of someone you can't really trust.

and here she was, holding his friend and building a friendship with him. not like she was much of a normal person either, though.

but she wonders if he ever hears himself. does he never just realize how sad he sounds? obviously not because he always spoke to her like he didn't. like she was the silly one for thinking he was fine. Heather had once told her she pitied him and Maria saw it.]

I'm just saying. You're only human. We all want something simple. Even if it's just good food, right? The whole drugs, sex, and rock and roll thing.

What I want doesn't matter anymore. I'm on borrowed time at the moment and when I prove that our universe deserves to be saved or "saved," I may very well return to being a corpse.

[ His only horse in the game, as it were, is ensuring he isn't going to be in some Hellish afterlife. Is that a normal wish? He has enough insight to know that it isn't.

If he thought about his real hope and dream, it would be that both Claudia and Heather died so that Silent Hill could be what it was meant to be - a haven for the Order. A fog-covered town where they never would have to interact with the outside world, again. They may still have to suffer their occasional tourists, but at least, it would be cut off from everything.

... oh well. ]

[does this man hear himself, she wonders. does he ever just think about what he's actually saying? of course, Maria assumes that Vincent is probably always trying to be two steps ahead. he probably does think about what he's saying.

and just has no idea, or cares, how it comes off.]

You were the one that said we should live it up. We'll be forgiven in the end, yeah? You met an end but apparently you have multiple. [she was something of an expert on multiple deaths, multiple rebirths. though she never got a chance quite like the one this place had given her.]

Are you going to tell me you haven't done one thing selfishly here? One little pleasure like good food or anything?

There are occasions when I feel like being nice and supportive to people. 'Course, it makes things difficult during the times they meet me as I usually am.

[ Vincent won't deny that he's a person full of contradictions. He says he doesn't want to get along with people for the sake of getting along, then he'll just say something to be "nice" and "supportive." It feels a little like pulling the rug out from under them when they see how he really is, but what person is completely themselves at all times? ]

I won't say that I haven't. I moved to that rock -- [ He points off with his free hand. ] -- that has that beast roaming the bridge. It feels like home. Oppressive and isolating. I don't think many people would go willingly, and I've set up quite comfortably there.

I can't say you should visit due to the monstrous creature on the bridge, but I did find something like home here. [ Since he doubts he could ever bring Silent Hill here in its full beauty and glory; he has something similar enough to it to live comfortably and think on his faith. ]

So I'm doing all the hosting, huh? [she makes a joke of it.

there is something to say to the fact that Vincent found somewhere with a beast wandering around to be comforting. oppressive, huh? yeah, a cult would be. it is sad. he's really a very depressing person despite how animated and lively he is. Maria knows how Vincent thinks about this point of view and if she said anything then he would brush her off.

couldn't quite take the cult out of the man, huh.]

Sounds like you're living like a monk. You know, living with little and basically only doing what they must to survive. Or something like that. You a monk now, bestie? Trying to reach nirvana?

For the most part.

[ A cheery chime in reply, accepting the joke as it is. ]

I think most people would argue with you if you told them you thought I was a monk. [ His head tilts to the side. ] I guess I have one hobby that I'm engaging in. [ Sans strangling a suicidal(?) old man. ] Trying to exercise more. I realized that I don't have the stamina to run away from much if anything.

[ And he had no reason to run away from anything before. Even before he left Silent Hill, running was pointless. He pauses to blink and shrugs his shoulders. ]

But I don't think that's fun... it's more that I'd like to only die on my terms versus the terms of something else. [ He can only make something that'll kill him feel stupid for killing him if it has the intelligence to feel stupid. ]

No. People wouldn't consider you a monk by any stretch of the word. [and neither did Maria. he was too selfish for that. concerned about his own soul and how all of this would end up.

as Vincent discusses death, and how he'd like to go, Maria considers her own. sometimes she wondered if it had been foolish not to go through with shooting herself. though if she thought about it, she was sure she would have ended up coming back anyway. perhaps she could have tried again and again and again...and it all would have ended up the same.]

I guess we don't all get the luxury of going how we'd like to. [as if reminding her of that, she coughs and shakes her head.] Luckily, a cold can't kill us. And you outrunning a beast is probably your best bet. Unless you want to go out that way?

So, I guess that's that, Maria.

[ Vincent pauses to open his mouth to say something but decides against it. The topic of monks got his mind segueing to saints which segued to the topic of Harry Mason. Heather Mason's patron saint of fatherhood. He clicks his tongue and humors the idea of complaining about the man before giving up on it.

He gives her a look when she starts coughing again. ]

Suppose not. [ He shrugs - it is what it is. ] No. Did you know with proper prayer and veneration to God, the monsters in our little hometown won't harm you? It's a covenant that we entered with Her and us.

[ He hums. ] So, I'm not quite used to dealing with monsters that want to kill me. I suppose we can call it cultural whiplash?

[another cough as he makes that comment and she looks at him as, unsure if he really did just that.

and he did.

what a person he is...and it makes her wonder. would she want to hurt Vincent? Maria figures she must be one of those monsters. not like the others, different certainly, but still. she had been created from that town.

she clears her throat.] Maybe you need to enter a religious agreement with this monster. But I suppose that wouldn't be easy for you.

[closed] i've been wandering through the echoes

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cw: child abuse but in thoughts

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cw: death discussion

cw: death discussion

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cn: suicidal comment

cw: past suicidal thoughts

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