etrayalogs | MAY MINGLE

MAY MINGLE

WHO: Everyone!
WHEN: May 17th-31st
WHERE: On Etraya
WHAT: A mingle log!
NOTES\WARNINGS: N/A, please note any needed warnings in threads.

⏵ a hero's return ⏴

As champions exit the Labyrinth, they’ll find that their environment has gone through some fairly drastic changes. Where there used to be larger bodies of water is now thinner rivers going through land; the amount of bridges connecting landmasses has decreased, given what had been individual islands are now much more connected. In addition, Etraya is significantly more green; flowers bloom, birds chirp cheerfully, and there are numerous additional species of insects, mammals, and aquatic creatures throughout the lands. Baby foxes roam through forested areas, bees pollinate the flowers to spread them more thoroughly around the inhabited areas, and it feels brighter. Or perhaps that’s just in comparison to how the Labyrinth had been.

There are more areas to explore, new facilities, animals, and Etraya feels significantly more settled than it had before. Aurora’s promise of renovations had been true. And if one looks up, they may notice a city bubble visible on the closest planet that hadn't been visible before.

⏵ coffee break ⏴
After hearing Clarke’s suggestion, Aurora sets up a new cafe close to the apartment complex, and sends out notices to individuals with mandatory coffee hour times listed for them to come to Corrine's Cafe and make a few friends.

While the note does state that it is mandatory, there will be no follow-up from Aurora nor the companion bots to ensure those who receive notes do show. Given this is Aurora trying to take suggestions in mind and see how successful they are among the citizens of Etraya, however, following directives may not be a terrible idea.

It's up like a modern-day, smaller cafe. One walks in through the front door, and is greeted by a companion bot behind the counter who offers a wave of their hand and a friendly “Welcome! Let me know when you’re ready to order”. The menu offers lattes, mochas, espresso, black coffee, several different kinds of teas, and a few drinks that are a little odd to find in a cafe; ale, canned sodas and coffees, numerous bottles of wine, but only pinot noir.

Soft music plays in the background, impossible to place but it sounds as if it may be based on tracks that were popular in the early 90s.

Tables and booths are set up to seat two to four, with packets of sugar and small containers of creamer set out towards the middle. There are charging stations set up at every table, which may seem strange considering phones and laptops aren’t widely available, but Aurora’s doing her best. There are also a few bookshelves full of the classics, a few historical fiction, and several written by H.P. Lovecraft.

Each seat has a placard in front of it, with a name, and a ‘fun fact’. One might say “Hello! My name is Joe, and I like to paint!” Another may say “Hi, I’m Jill! My sister died tragically in front of me and I’ve never gotten over it.”

⏵ new horizons ⏴

Several of the new bridges found in Etraya now have signs posted just outside of them, and on those signs is a QR code that the earpiece’s HUD can scan. Scanning this with the HUD will bring up a scavenger hunt, listing several items and circling areas where they can be found.

Some of these objects will be obvious: find Corrine at Corrine’s Cafe - the companion bot who runs the counter, find a delicious meal at Bangsan Market, break into S.T.A.R Labs, or find room 87 at Point Blanc Academy. Some will be less obvious, like locating a bat, becoming friends with an archer, find a pink shirt, open bagged milk without making a mess, or get a drink at the mutant-friendly pub. Please feel free to make up your own items to find around Etraya!

⏵ NOTES ⏴
Welcome to our mid-month mingle!

Please feel free to use this to explore Etraya, put up wildcard prompts (you don't need to use the above!), or use the open prompts to assist in jumpstarting cr.

This mingle covers the period from May 17th to May 31st. Our next mission (and next mod log) will not go up until June 7th.

⏵FULL NAVIGATION⏴

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( she always looks so good when she smiles. he doesn't think she does it enough — not in that 'smile more!' way creeps like to throw at women just going about their day, but in the sense that he thinks she just smiles less now than she used to, and he's not quite sure he wants to try and pinpoint that to any one moment. her fingers are soft, light against his skin, almost tickling, and he raises his eyebrows at her, skeptically, questioning.

then, he uses his other hand to pick the bottle up and place it in front of her, leaving her hand resting on his. )

Sure, ( he answers easily, pausing in her space. ) But fair's fair. ( is what he adds as he withdraws his hand from the bottle and takes her straw instead, still leaning across their arms. he takes a sip, and—.

pulls a face. it's instinctual and immediate, the way he decides he doesn't like it, it's all at once too sweet and too heady, and as he drops the straw back into the glass (bowl), he looks at bobbi like she's betrayed him, personally.

a lengthy moment later— ) That's sure something, Bobbi-bird.

[He's smooth and she takes notice. Her hand stays on his as she takes a sip of the beer with the other one. It's good, she still likes beer but it's not very effective at getting her drunk anymore so it's not something that she drinks a lot.

She watches him take a drink out of the straw and then the fond nickname and damnit. He's charming. ]

Yeah well you always did have good taste. [She slides him back his beer amused at look he has like he needs the beer to wash the betrayal out of his mouth. As if she even offered him the drink.]

I developed that whole Steve and Bucky issue with needing hard liquor. I am, in fact, no longer a cheap date. [Is it a quick enough glance over the topic of her enhancement issues that she hopes wont bring up any sort of awkwardness but she does feel the need to say it to justify her taste in shitty cocktails.]

Lucky for you we're in a no money life right now. [A joke! To push the conversation past anything awkward about her physiology.]

Some things make it easy. ( he answers, light and breezy, to her telling him he has good taste, before his gaze rests on her, mild and considering, at the remark about having a 'steve and bucky' issue.

fortunately for the both of them, it doesn't earn a comment because she follows it up by telling him she's not a cheap date anymore, and he laughs. they'd tried that, hadn't they? the dating thing, and it'd — well, it hadn't lasted, but it'd been nice while it had, but then she says lucky for you—.

he answers that with a long swig of his beer, ostensibly to get rid of the taste of bobbi's terrible, terrible cocktail, but also to give him a solid excuse to not say anything to that straight away.

a moment passes, then, and he thinks that he's glad he doesn't have a 'steve and bucky' problem with getting drunk. (why are they talking about dating?) )

You gatecrashed me, Birdie. I'm your date. ( a beat and a quirk of his lips. a sidelong glance. ) And I've always been cheap.

[The urge to argue that one solitary human and a bartender bot does not make a party is on the tip of her tongue and instead she just dips her head in for a long drink of the fish bowl.

Do they have those Swedish Fish candies here? Because if they did they should absolutely be sticking those in this drink to make it look cooler. She makes a note to mention it to Aurora. ]

Clint when we met you had a sky-cycle. [She knows that doesn't really has to do with his own money habits but her tone is fond, and teasing in the way that makes it clear.]

You at the very least had expensive tastes when it came to transportation and women.

( he watches her choose to take a drink instead of replying to him, and his expression shifts from attentive to satisfied, as if he knows what she's been tempted to point out.

(god knows, he knows it's a little bit sad to be drinking alone, but—.)

he lifts his beer to his lips, eyebrows arching in disagreement in a non-verbal HEY! at her words. a beat, an undignified swallow, and— )

I was given the Sky-Cycle!

( is as far he gets as far with interjecting. it's feeble and unserious, uttered around the fact that he knows she's right and she knows she's right given the follow-up. the broad, all-encompassing "transportation". (motorbikes. impractical cars for a city like new york—).but in almost every respect, it's hard to say that he's responsible with money when he has it. he errs towards reckless and impulsive, as with almost everything else in his life. )

And I think the nice way of putting the second part is that my women have expensive tastes, because I don't buy any of you.

[The long drink brings a flush to her cheeks as though she's finally catching a little bit of a buzz even if it'll be gone in twenty minutes even if she doesn't keep it up.

He's not wrong. You don't buy women, and honestly it's a better answer then you could have expected from some of his Avengers coworkers. Which is why it's such bullshit that Clint takes so much shit about the way he is, it grinds on her gears the way he's treated sometimes. Which feels like bullshit because she can be his hardest critic but it's not that he doesn't deserve shit -- it's the specific shit he deserves is frequently wrong. ]

It was the most impractical method of transportation and yet it was super fun. [A sort of fond look remembering all the rides they'd taken together.]

I was always kind of jealous of that flying red convertible Natasha has. Like man, I never got anything cool like that.

[A shrug.]

Guess I was the wrong kind of spy huh?

I miss it, ( he admits with a smile that matches hers, although he'd never admit it was ridiculous. he'd never admit to the fact that it's the exact brand of 'flashy but makes no sense' that appeals to him, specifically. it was cool, and it got him around, and it allowed him to avoid traffic — what more could a guy what?

he gives his bottle a slight shake, assessing how much is left before collaring the bartender bot and asking for another (it's not like it's rushed off its feet—). if the realisation that he'll be drunk before bobbi is and still be drunk after bobbi has occurred to him, it's not reflected in his expression as he looks back from the bar to bobbi.

for a moment, it's as if he's just admiring her (he is, but that's not all it is—), as if he's trying to work out what he wants to say to that 'wrong spy' remark. she knows his thoughts on all of that — spywork — and what it means, what it entails. how he's tried but never quite been able to overlook the uglier side of it all, but in spite of that—

—he thinks it's kind of funny how he just keeps ending up around them.
(well, with them, really.)

he supposes he could say that she got him, but they just keep circling that conversation, don't they? they had each other, then they didn't, then they did, then didn't, and it's the same way they just circle each other, on-and-off. old wounds, being opened and re-opened, and he thinks that regardless of whatever else, he'd always needed her more than she needs him.

so he doesn't say it.

instead, he focuses on the faint colour to her cheeks and he leans against the bar, head resting in the palm of his hand. his other hand, he holds up to her face, index finger brushing her skin lightly, right where the blush hits before, slyly— )

Yeah, but right now, you got a bit of red on you, Birdie.

[It's a mutual sort of feeling, that they both need each other more then the other one does. They both do a good job at pretending like they don't need each other at all anymore. Is it a defense mechanism? An attack? It's something that built up over the years it's not even clear.

She thinks briefly of suggesting that maybe he could get one with whatever those reward things Aurora was talking about had. That it might be fun to buzz around the place together but then he's looking at her.

He's touching her and her brain stops thinking about anything else. She leans into the touch just the smallest amount lips curling into a dumb smile at the attention.]

Do I now? How's it look? [He looks adorable like that, the way his hand is resting and looking at her. It's not just that he's handsome though lord knows he is.

But that's not why she craves his approval. It's simply because he's him. She lets him down so much she just wants a moment where she doesn't. ]

( the bartender-bot returns with a beer and clint doesn't look towards the movement visible in the corner of his eye, not for the moment. he does, though, drop his hand and shift his weight off the side of the bar to stand a little straighter, to at least pretend to give bobbi's question some thought. )

That's a trick question, ( he tells her with all the confidence of someone who's decided they're right, whether or not they're actually right. ) Because I don't think there's a colour you look bad wearing. ( or taking off, is the unvocalised part of the reply, and his gaze drops, just a little. then, almost as quickly, he looks back up to meet her gaze.

(is this better than the alternative? is flirting and pretending they're not a better option than the bickering? the days-weeks-months of not talking or seeing each other at all? it doesn't feel like it's worse, but the other shoe always seems to drop sooner or later.) )

—Clashes with the purple, though. ( he adds after a moment, reaching for his drink and raising it to his lips. )

[He takes his hand away and she leans in to take another long drink from the bowel. It doesn't taste great so it's better to do in long drinks then multiple sips anyways. She's still blushing though, because the compliment is nice to hear no matter what. ]

I'll be sure to avoid changing to red if we're ever on a team together. [She says alluding to the purple costume. It's not lost on her that he did in fact date someone who wore a lot of red.

Does it feel different just because they're not able to fully separate here like they could at home for months? Is that why suddenly everything feels so much more charged, like walking on eggshells? ]

God knows we wouldn't want to be clashing in team photos when they end up on the news or whatever. [It's easier to just continue to joke about things then actually deal with any of their problems. They'd ended up in such a big fight in the maze, it's not that they didn't always fight, but it feels more common and harder to come back from.

She's still not sure she should eve be here and that makes her sad so she pushes the thought completely out of her mind and just looks at Clint again. ]

We have a legacy to hold up as the stylish ones.

( if we're ever on a team together. now there's a bad idea if he's ever heard one, and he's heard a lot. come up with a lot. he thinks it's funny that she doesn't say 'again', wonders if she's avoiding saying it like it'll avoid bringing it up bad feelings and bad memories, like they're both good at avoiding either topic by not talking about.

because that's funny, too. they don't talk about anything, and that doesn't make it better, either. )

People are weird about the outfits these days. ( he settles on instead. superficial. avoidant. just like he's good at. ) More interested in seeing someone's face than caring about what they do.

( it's not about identity, not in the way that some of them care about it — blah blah people to protect and all that, not that clint doesn't care, he just doesn't have anyone in his life that isn't hawkeye-adjacent. what it is about is how it feels like it's gone from being about the team to being seen as some kind of public figure. )

Except maybe your cosplayers. I bet they appreciate a classic.

( legacy. his or hers. his and hers. it's a cute suggestion, and he's split between wanting to agree and wanting to point out that kate's his legacy, and isn't that weird? (that'd be a stupid thing to mention right now—.) ) —Think there's an argument to be made for all of the West Coast being stylish.

[Your cosplayers. Like she went out looking for them. This is why she never tells him anything, because he will just throw it back in her face.

An attempt to share a humorous story about something and now she somehow has her own cosplayers. She didn't even have fun on the mess that was that stupid vacation.

Any desire that she'd had to actually talk to him about the things that had been going on here and all the mess that's been in her head is pushed aside. Was it too much to ask to just be able to talk? She just leans in for another drink. ]

A stylish team for sure. Although I'm not sure that Greer's bikini counts as actual fashion.

[She shrugs.] Not that she's not gorgeous in it.

[Bobbi would never judge another woman's choices and if you look as hot as Tigra you probably don't need to wear much anyways.]

Or were you talking about your newer team?

( clint's oblivious. it's not how he'd meant it — throwing it back in her face — so it's not how he thinks she takes it. he'd just thought it a slightly cute way to refer to her gaggle of not-hims buying her drinks, and though it doesn't quite escape his notice that she doesn't say anything to it, he doesn't think anything of it.

(and why would he? she hasn't even told him that the cruise wasn't her choice.)

his gaze flickers over her as she has another drink instead, the non-verbal equivalent of a shrug, only mildly questioning, before picking up his beer. choosing to focus on that than say anything about tigra because he's not blind, but it's greer. )

...The new WCA? ( he asks after a moment, doubt evident in his tone. ) They're kids, I'm not—. They're Kate's team, Bobbi.

[In fact he doesn't know and some of it is purely projecting because that's what they do. She hadn't actually meant anything wrong about the new one so she just sighs a little drunk and enough of one to take one for the team. Or at least what she thinks is the team, because she's assuming that Clint is also not having the greatest of times. The doubt in his voice makes her think that he's accusing her of something even if it's not really the case. ]

I just thought they might be fashionable so I wanted to check? Yeah?

[She looks genuine at him and gives him one of those over exaggerated shrugs like she doesn't know what the answer is.]

I'm tired. [At life? At all the things going on here? With them in general? Probably all of these things. Of the fact that she's stuck on another fucking alien planet being a kidnapped for a second time in her life.]

But you're important to me. I need you. So just, whatever I said wrong all night just...[Just what Bobbi? She doesn't even know, just make it go away? Just fix everything for a while. She looks sad and tired suddenly like the their time here has suddenly all piled up on her, but more then that the years of this have.]

Truce? Do-over? Whatever?

( all of a sudden, he realises he might have just misread this entire conversation. all of a sudden, it's gone from being kind of-almost nice, and now bobbi's telling him she's tired. (aren't they all? clint's not sure if he can remember a time when he wasn't tired, not in the way she means—).

he should get hung up on the fact that she tells him he's important to her, that she needs him and though he hears it, he doesn't really listen to the words. it's a little— what, rich? for her to say that after everything. (is that fair of him? probably not.) after all the utterances of "I need space" after coming back. "reconciliation was the skrull". bringing him to sign divorce papers on valentine's day.

and then there's "whatever I said wrong". so she thinks he's being shitty with her. )

Jesus, Bobbi. I thought we were having a nice conversation. ( he's not drunk enough for this, he thinks, but he's also not sober enough. he should let it go, they should talk about it after they've slept, or he's slept or something. she'll probably be fine in an hour or two or whatever.

if she'd left it at "you're important to me", it'd be different. he wouldn't really have anything to say to that because he knows that's true. neither of them can refute their importance to each other, even now. but that's not where she leaves it, and it shouldn't bother him (shouldn't it?) but it does.

she looks tired and sad and as done with everything he is, but bobbi's spent so long acting like and saying she doesn't need him or the avengers—. )

Do you get to say that to me? That you need me? 'Cause I can think of half a dozen times when I've told you that I need you, and—. ( he gestures at the space between them with his beer. ) I get told how good I am at running away and told how much I've hurt you. Which is fair, I deserve that and more, but—. ( he pauses, quite abruptly. is quiet for a moment. he's tired too. )

You say you need me and I don't think I know what that means. ( not anymore, anyway.

he'll give her (almost) whatever she wants and needs from him, but the both of them have their limits. that's why they've been doing this for so long. )

Edited 2024-05-21 12:28 (UTC)

[She isn't surprised by his reaction she's spent so long keeping him at arms distance. Hell she's done it for years at home, only letting him see the parts of her that are the least battered and bruised.

Sure she's thrown it in his face a few times, the fact that he brushes up against her wounds a little too hard. But the truth of the matter is that the big wounds weren't caused by him. So why is it that the only thing she let's him know is how he hurts her. ]

I don't know. [What doesn't she know? This? Anything. She feels like she's punched in the gut. The first time she makes an effort to finally tell him something after being accused of running away, or not letting him in for years and she's reminded why she doesn't tell him things.

Why did she think this would be better? God she's an idiot. The emotions are climbing and she wants to run right out the door. Would that be better, it'd be proving him right. Her jaw clinches as she tries to steady her emotions.

She survived on her own the first time, without him. Without anyone else. She could do it again right. Except this time she has all the memories of the last time haunting her. Sure the people seem nice, but it's impossible not to see Skrulls at every corner. ]

[I survived once abduction once on my own, guess I'll just have to do it again. Is what she wants to to say. To yell it and storm out like she's stormed so many times before.]

I keep having flashbacks to the Skrull planet. [Her jaw is tight, and her words are soft like she's fighting to even make herself say it. At the end of it hangs hope that he won't throw it back in her face again. But hearing her say it out loud brings another realization. Was she taking everything so hard because she was remembering that Skrull with his face? The one who made her feel horrible, abused her.

God. She really is an ass. ]

( she's never told him what it was like. she's never told anyone as far as he's aware, and even though it'd hurt (have hurt?) for her to have chosen someone else to speak to about all of that, he'd have understood. well— he'd have understood as best he could. he'd have preferred it to the alternative, to the way that she'd opted to compartmentalise, shove all of it in a box and form her own WCA. to the way that she'd seemed to take what had happened and use it to shut him out.

holding it against her wouldn't be fair because he knows he's been unsupportive. she knows it. more people than feels entirely fair knows it.
holding it against her wouldn't be fair because he's hardly an open book about his thoughts and feelings.

he'd like to think it's the sort of thing they'd be able to talk about in an adult way, but hopes and wishes aren't the same as reality. she says it reminds her of the skrull planet and it's soft and quiet, all things that bobbi isn't. he hates it — not her, but the fact that they did that to her.

he inhales a breath, a little tense, mouth twisting in indecision and uncertainty. there's a lot he could say to that, and he wants to point out that her timing couldn't be worse, and— ) Yeah, I kinda figured after the shapeshifter in the labyrinth. ( not necessarily in the way that she means, but it's hard to imagine that she'd just get over an overt reminder. once he says it, though, he softens, points out the (to him) obvious— )

I'm not going anywhere, Bobbi.

[She wants to say she didn't say he was but she knows it's argumentative and she's been ground down so bad at the moment she's not even sure she'd have it in her to do it.

It's unfair. This whole thing is hard on Clint too she knows it, no one is just okay with being swooped up into another world. How could they be? It's not fair of her to demand more from him for the sake of her. He's not her husband anymore, she'd made sure of that. He doesn't owe her.]

Oh right... [She still sounds kind of lost in her thoughts when he says that he knew she was having the issues with the PTSD again. It feels stupid that having just saying that should have been enough to explain.

She looks down at her feet, considering getting up and heading home. It'd be easy to go lock herself away again. ]

They didn't lock me up right away. [Is she finally admitting something in a fucking tiki bar of all places this is stupid. Why is she saying it she should shut up but it just keeps coming.]

It was a simulation with a bunch of skrulls acting like people I knew. [Clint, Greer, Marc, everyone... it's hard to fully believe anyone is who they are here. Except for Clint. Something about him is just so him. It's almost like she's fighting with him so much just for the reminder that it's really him.]

( two sentences.

two sentences is more than she's ever said before and he realises he doesn't really know what to say. she says there were skrulls acting like people she knew and he almost wants to laugh, wants to point out that's why the skrulls did and they did it everywhere. he wants to point out that he'd watched her die and it wasn't her, it was one of them, so doesn't she get that he gets it more than she's ever given him credit for?

but then, she knows what happened on earth. he doesn't have to explain it to her, because she knows all of that, and he didn't even know she'd been in a simulation. how many years has it been?

he glances away from her, just for a second. so what does that mean, that there'd been one of them with his face and his memories? had the skrull him and bobbi acted out, played at reconciliation in the same way he and the skrull that'd pretended to be her had? was that why when she came back, she was so done with him? )

Bobbi—. ( he doesn't know what he's supposed to say. doesn't know what he should say. abruptly, stupidly, he realises he's still holding a half-full bottle of beer that he no longer wants, and for lack of any better idea of what to do with his hands, he sets it down on the bar.

a couple of years ago, it wouldn't have been a question. he'd have held her, he wouldn't have asked, it would have just been what he did because they were them.
it's not that he doesn't want to, he doesn't know if she'd allow it. if it'd even be the right thing to do.

instead, "you've never wanted to tell me before, so why now?" sits on the tip of his tongue, but the answer's obvious. it's not about wanting to tell him, it's because of where they are, because of what's happened to the both of them here. if she could get away with it, she wouldn't be telling him, she'd just be all bobbi morse about it and pretend like everything's okay, that if she's working, then everything's fine.

he wants to tell her that her timing really sucks because she might be a super soldier, but he's not and he's a little bit drunk, and it's not like he has the capacity to navigate these conversations effectively even when he's not. ) They—. The Skrulls do a lot of acting. Pretending. You don't have to—. ( no, that's not coming out right out all. ) You don't have to tell me. ( that's still not right, he knows, but he doesn't know how to say she doesn't have to tell him what happened if she feels like she's obligated to.

(they don't have any of those anymore.) )

Edited 2024-05-21 19:25 (UTC)

[Part of the reason she never mentions it is because it would feel like throwing it in his face. I figured out that you weren't you, you were a skrull, while you couldn't. That's what she's sure he'd take it as if she ever mentioned it to him.

She's wanted to over the years but she's so afraid of things being used against her. She wants to compartmentalize everything. Hell, she'd faked her own death to protect her mother from anything happening to her - not that it had worked out in the end.

He starts talking, mansplaining really, skrulls to her like she didn't spend years on a planet with nothing but them.

Saying you don't have to tell me. Except he'd just told her he doesn't know what it means when she says she needs him and it's making her head throb.

She'd probably like to be held but she doesn't even realize it and wouldn't know how to ask for it so she just stairs at her shoes from the barstool not able to bring herself to look at him. ]

Clint -- it's -- [ It's what? Fine? Okay? It's none of those things.]

I was just trying to explain why I said I need you. It's selfish I know, I should be stronger.

[She shouldn't need his support. She doesn't deserve it even, it's unfair to him. She should be able to take care of herself.]

( he doesn't link the two because the two aren't linked for him. he needs bobbi because she's good for him — or at least, she helps him be better for the most part. he wouldn't say he's a good person because of her — he's still managed to be awful in spite of her and to her, but she'd always made him better.

but then she says she was trying to explain why she'd said it, and it's—
—is that it? that's the only reason? if things were a little different, if there hadn't been that whatever in the labyrinth, if this was all a little bit different, she wouldn't be telling him, feeling like she needs him at all? )

—Right. ( right. yeah. it makes sense. it shouldn't be surprising, shouldn't be hurtful, and the longer he thinks about it, it's at least not the first thing. who else does she have here? what else? maybe if there was something she could put all her time and energy into instead, they wouldn't even be having this conversation. if she had something else, she wouldn't "need" him. )

No-one's ever said, no-one's ever thought you should be stronger, Bobbi. You're always so focused on that, that you've never thought about how it holds you back. It's not selfish to need people. You of all people should know that, the amount of teams you've been on, the people you've worked with.

( what's selfish is how they're used, is the part he doesn't say. the bit that's applicable to the both of them. )

Edited (rephrasing...) 2024-05-21 20:28 (UTC)

[It's not selfish to need people.

That's the line that feels like it's under her skin and separating it from he body. Like she's been picked apart and is going to be examined under the microscope.

He doesn't know that she'd literally lived alone in the wilderness for years, but he knew she'd been captive. He knows she spent years without another human around and how is she supposed to come out of that fine dandy and able to accept help with no one was there to help her in the first place. ]

Do you... [She looks back up at him and she's still just looking soft and sad and defeated.]

do you not think that I try? To get better? [ Is that what it is? Does he think she just wants to be difficult. That she wants to only feel safe when she's alone with only herself to depend on. That she likes that? Has she pushed him away for so long that he doesn't even realize it's a defense mechanism. Does he think she just wants to be alone doing her own thing constantly? ]

[Her brow furrows like she's trying to understand even though it's not making any sense.]

I'd love if I could just forget it all. Trust people again. To still have my job, to still have my team, to still have my husband.

( it's not that he thinks she likes being alone — it's not that simple, he knows that, and it's not that he doesn't think she tries. she's had people, people that aren't him, and that's— it's fine. he has people that aren't her. they're just not that good at being together anymore, not like they used to be, and that's not okay, but it is how it is, at least for now.

he shifts his weight as he looks at her. she is tired, but how is he supposed to do anything about that when every time they try to talk, they end up like this? )

I don't know, Bobbi. I kinda got the impression that you being better meant time spent not with me.

( it's blunt.

it's funny, despite everything, despite how so many people seem to think he's shit at it these days (or maybe he was always shit, maybe that was just the bravado talking—), he was always quite good at teams when he wanted to be. at saying the right thing. the thunderbolts — his thunderbolts, not the team luke had put together — had been great for a while, but whenever he tries to talk as clint, to talk in his personal life, he just makes a mess of it.

and then she says she'd still have her husband and he winces. exhales a short, perfunctory breath that's almost a laugh. did she just say that? first she tells him she needs him (because skrulls, not because she actually wants him—), and now—. ) —You told me the Skrulls got you when you were coming to see me to finalise our divorce, Bobbi. Don't give me that. You were over it. You were over us before they got you.

( that shouldn't be the bit he focuses on, but it's hard not to when it's the last thing she says, when it feels like she's just suckerpunched him into some kind of alternate reality. they'd still be married? he'd tried.

his hand hovers by the bridge of his brow and he closes his eyes. what? what. should he have tried harder? he doesn't know if he could have, not then. he knows he could have handled everything with slade better, knows he can't say or do enough to make up for that, but—.

(god, he doesn't want to have this conversation.) )

And I know that's on me.

[He says that he's responsible for some of the original things and it catches her off guard. She wasn't expecting it, not with the way the conversation is going.

Does he think that if she was better she wouldn't be around him? That she only shows up because of that. It can't be true right? She'd showed up to the Ronin mess because she was worried about him.

She'd answered his dumb phone calls about how to spell words even when they weren't right because it was him.

Did she say that she was going with the papers? It sounds like her, she probably did but all the fights bleed into one another. It's true she was set on it, but it was so long ago it's hard to remember if she absolutely would have. Could they have maybe worked it out?]

It's on me too. [All of it really is on them both. Different parts more so then each other.

Every time she runs away from him it's not really about him. It's her own inability to deal with things and she knows that. She knows they went to therapy and she still made stupid jokes and couldn't address them.

Clint Barton is a man who has big feelings, and Bobbi Morse is a woman who does anything she can not to have feelings.

She crosses her arms, not in anger, but because she's uncomfortable, protecting herself and she looks back down away from him.

Why is the thing she's so hung up on the fact that he said if she's better it means not spending time with him. She's showed him for years how much she doesn't need him. sShe literally dragged him on vacation with her other ex to show him how he wasn't even special.

God. God Bobbi you are such an idiot rings through her mind.]

I don't... [Think that's the truth?]

Look. I probably meant that when I said it, but Clint. [She forces herself to look up at him.]

Even when we do nothing but fight, there isn't a time I think I would be better if I didn't have Clint Barton in my life.

[A huff of laughter and the saddest hint of a smile curls to her lips.]

If anything Clint Barton is too good for Bobbi Morse.

( it's not really something he's at the point of denying anymore — the west coast avengers was good when it was good, but it'd turned into an extended train wreck of their marriage dissolving, slowly and loudly, he's aware he could have been better in a lot of ways, aware that his reaction in front of their friends. to the phantom rider thing left a lot (lot) to be desired, and it'd taken him a long time to even understand what he did wrong. how unsupportive he'd been.

he may not have grown much, may not have always grown in the right way, but at least he'd managed to get some perspective on that.

he's not going to say bobbi was blameless — they'd gone to marriage counselling for a reason — but the split's not fifty-fifty. he doesn't point it out, though, not when she says it's on her too, because self-flagellation doesn't feel like it's the right response and he's never been very good at it, not outwardly. he thinks they both know where most of the blame sits, especially when she says she'd meant what she said.

but then she keeps on talking and it's worse, actually, than her telling him it was all his fault. than telling him that his stupid hypocrisy and inflexibility is why they've never been able to make it work; worse than asking him why he can't just accept people as they are because she tells him that he's too good for her, and he doesn't think he's ever heard anything more wrong in his life.

his gaze lingers on her for longer than necessary as he takes in the imitation of a smile, the way it doesn't reach her eyes. the way it's anything but happy. )

Come on, Bobbi. Look at my life. We both know that's not true.

MAY MINGLE

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