∎ ETRAYA MODS ∎ (
etrayamods) wrote in
etrayalogs2025-03-14 11:19 am
Entry tags:
- !mission log,
- arcane: jayce talis,
- arcane: viktor,
- batman wfa: jason todd,
- dc comics: barbara gordon,
- jl gods and monsters: hernan guerra,
- jl gods and monsters: kirk langstrom,
- mcu: loki,
- person of interest: john reese,
- person of interest: sameen shaw,
- stranger things: chrissy cunningham,
- ✘ arcane: caitlyn kiramman,
- ✘ arcane: vander,
- ✘ baldurs gate: shadowheart,
- ✘ fe3h: yuri leclerc,
- ✘ genshin impact: kaeya alberich,
- ✘ ice age: manny,
- ✘ little mushroom: an zhe,
- ✘ mad max: max rockatansky,
- ✘ marvel comics: felicia hardy,
- ✘ marvel comics: jean grey,
- ✘ mcu: peter parker,
- ✘ nier: lars,
- ✘ silent hill 3: heather mason,
- ✘ the untamed: xue yang,
- ✘ word of honor: wen kexing,
- ✘ xmcu: laura
MISSION 008
WHO: Everyone!
WHEN: March 14th - April 11th
WHERE: Aphaia
WHAT: Mission 008
NOTES\WARNINGS: Survival horror elements, violence, (mild) body horror, potential death.
WHEN: March 14th - April 11th
WHERE: Aphaia
WHAT: Mission 008
NOTES\WARNINGS: Survival horror elements, violence, (mild) body horror, potential death.
|





no subject
She offers, he rejects. That's how it always goes. Even with Fabian's life on the line, Riz is a good Detective, right? A good Adventurer. To grit your teeth and bear it, to do whatever you can for the mission, that's everything that Riz is about, and everyone he knows knows it. He wasn't even able to withstand a nice little boat ride without devolving into what he always does.
His eyes dart back to Fabian, feeling a little remorseful, as though he should have figured out a way to just... do it. Do everything. Save Fabian, defeat Kalina, solve the mystery. He certainly didn't want to make Fabian relive what was quite possibly the worst day of his life, short of the day his Dad died. ]
Sorry, man. I thought this would be all about me, not... ugh, this sucks. [ He shakes his head. ] Anyway. You got dropped in the ocean, right? Do you remember what happened after that? How you got out?
no subject
The truth is that he doesn't want to. Even if he managed to neatly pack up that day in the story of who he is now, present it prettier than it was, like it was some sort of stepping stone in a greater tale, something that was meant to happen-- Fabian knows the truth. He knows it wasn't great. It was the worst thing that happened to him, and it's even worse because he knows he is the one that did that to himself. It was all because of his own decisions, and everyone sure let him know that.
He sucks in a breath, tries to dig back through the memories just to be able to help Riz here, but he-- He can't. He remembers feeling wet and cold and alone and so, so sick, a sickness that felt like it was getting worse with each passing moment.
He kind of feels like he's about to be sick right now, but he pushes it down, steels himself. He has to keep up the narrative of his life, and showing people how terrible he felt about that day is not part of that.
It's fine if he's feeling sick in the pit of his stomach, as long as it doesn't show on the outside. He makes sure he looks normal enough for the moment before he speaks. ]
I don't think any of that is relevant to this, right? I mean-- It's your memory.
[ Fabian wasn't there. How could he remember something Riz couldn't? He tries looking at this memory, if not just to not have to focus as much on his own, but he's not sure what's wrong with it. ]
I, just-- [ ... ] Cathilda was there.
[ It's one of the better things to focus on, even if it has nothing to do with this. Cathilda has always been a comforting presence, even if Fabian feels a little embarrassed about how she had to see him.
But the less he has to focus on himself here, the better, so-- ]
Ragh was worried about his mother.
no subject
At least, that's how Riz thinks Fabian probably saw it. He's not so big on the idea of a pirate's legacy himself, but it matters to him. And now he's been dragged into thinking about the immediate aftermath of all that, sodden and sick and more miserable than Riz had ever seen him before. They have to figure this out, and they have to figure it out quick. He drags his gaze away from Fabian, lest his concern be too obvious, settling into trying to solve the mystery instead. ]
It's relevant because you must have figured out a way to get out of there, even without Kalina's help, [ Riz says softly. He begins to walk around the scene, as though looking at his memory from a different angle would be of any use. ] It couldn't have been her helping, right? I wouldn't have given up the mission. There was too much at stake.
[ He rubs at his forehead, thinking. No. No, he couldn't have given up the mission. That's just not the kind of guy he is. He's always been focused on the task at hand and the greater good, ever since he was a kid, trading in sentiment for cold, hard facts. And the cold, hard facts dictate that if he gave the mission away, he would have doomed not only the rest of the party, but the entire world. Other Adventurers might have picked up their slack, but if they failed in their task, the mystery would remain unsolved, and more people than he cares to consider would surely perish as a result.
So he couldn't have given it up. Someone else had to have saved Fabian in some other way, and Riz... what happened after he refused? ]
...I remember Ragh being really upset too. I just can't remember how we got from point A to point B. They sent someone after her. Did Kalina not hold up her end of the bargain?
[ Even though he can't remember exactly what happened, he can remember the emotions: embarrassment, guilt, shame. For not saving Fabian? That doesn't seem right either. ]
no subject
The bad news is.. well, he's already feeling bad to begin with. He really doesn't want to think back on that time. Despite the fact that his memory isn't being messed with, it's like he still can't fully think back on it. Like his own mind is throwing up a barricade, trying to block out all the parts of the memories of that time that don't line up with the story about it he tries to convey to others - that he was amazing and refound himself and is even better now, with all of the misery behind it carefully hidden. ]
The Ball, I..
[ don't want to.
He doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want to think of this. He wants to get out, but there's no way out, and Fabian feels sick to his stomach as he forces his mind to do the one thing that will get them out here - remembering that time. He remembers.. water. He remembers it being so dark. He was in the water, and then he..
He draws in a breath. Look cool about this, he tells himself. Look fucking cool about this. People are watching. Riz is watching.
Fabian digs his nails into his palms, his hands formed into fists at his side. ]
I was taken out of the water by.. by something. [ Even though Fabian is trying - and partially succeeding - to look cool about this, there's definitely a strain to his voice, a kind of misery that starts leaking out. ] They were weird, dark creatures. Those-- Those fucking imps or whatever, they carried me out.
no subject
[ Even after the gap in Riz's memories, he realizes that he'd never asked Fabian how he got back. What it was like, being dropped out there, how he'd felt, what exactly happened. In all honesty, he'd avoided it; it seemed like dwelling on it when Fabian was so clearly miserable was the wrong choice in lieu of moving forward and besides, they had a mission to tackle. Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe it wasn't.
There's nothing he can do now. The best thing for them is to solve the mystery of this memory so he can get Fabian the hell out of here before he sinks any deeper into his misery. With that thought in mind, it's easier to put his own emotions aside. Even if this is his meory, it has nothing to do with him; it's just a mystery to solve. He circles around the vision of himself, face frozen in a contortion of desperation and anger, of Kalina still hovering over him, smile as coy and as taunting as ever, the look she has when she finds someone's weak spot, shoves her thumbs into it and squeezes.
Fabian is Riz's weak spot. All the Bad Kids are, really. But Kalina has been with him since birth. She'd seen how badly he craved companionship, had been present for every embarrassing step along the way of him frantically trying to befriend Fabian, that long summer of the wo of them just being a couple of kids whose fathers were killed by the same horrible people. Kalina's people. Above all else, Riz considers himself to be a Detective and an Adventurer. Nothing is more important than the mission, he's always told himself, and he is his father's son, his father who would cheat, lie and steal in order to insinuate himself into the worst of the worst, who is so staunch and steadfast that he would never, ever give the mission up, not when thousands of people's fates were held in the balance.
Maybe he's not his father's son after all, he realizes as it just clicks. ]
She's the one who saved you. Which means that either she was bluffing, or...
[ He told her. He must have. But Fabian's the one who has to say it, the one who has to solve this mystery for them to finally get out of this place. ]
no subject
[ The obvious other possibility. So obvious, and clearly the right one given what Kalina is like, that Fabian says it without really thinking about it. The words flow out of his mouth naturally, as if Riz's thought just got broadcast right into Fabian's mind, like he's nothing but a radio receiver.
How could he say those words with intention, after all? Fabian never really thought much about what happened back there, hadn't wanted to think about it. Why ask questions about something he just wanted to forget? He was alive, and-- well, at that point it didn't really feel like a good thing, but it was the only thing that mattered enough to take it along with him, nothing else really mattering enough to think about those awful days.
So he didn't think about it all this time. Why he was saved. What it meant. What Riz did for it. Sure, Fabian knows that Riz cares about all of them, that it's often the reason why he's doing all sorts of ridiculous things. But there's a difference between Riz making a fool of himself - something he seems to mind way less than Fabian, given how often he's doing it!! - and Riz giving up information to the enemy. Fabian knows Riz. He knows the other better by the year, and he knows about Riz's dad, and he knows how important stuff like this is to Riz. Maybe if they got the information from Kristen it wouldn't have felt as important, but Riz likely would have tried to protect it with his life if Kalina tried to take it from him. Fabian doesn't think the other would have hesitated to put his own life on the line for it, anyway.
But he did hesitate. Not for himself, but for.. Fabian. Fabian's life.
Even though he's still standing, still watching, he kind of feels like he's been slammed to the ground. Breathless. For as much as Fabian overworks himself all the time to become someone important, he's never actually known what to do with that importance when he gets it.
Like right now.
Like him decidedly not looking at Riz, instead just staring ahead of him after those words come out of his mouth. ]
no subject
[ A look of realization spreads across Riz's face. How could he have ever forgotten? Of course he told her. There was no other option. Even with so much on the line, there isn't a reality in which Riz Gukgak sacrifices Fabian for the greater good. Though he remains perfectly still, he feels a flood of familiar emotions encompass him; guilt for what happened to Ragh's Mom, shame that he'd fucked up so badly, and a tiny bit of relief knowing that at the end of a truly atrocious day, he'd done what he could to make sure Fabian hadn't been sent to Hell with the rest of his Dad's old crew.
The rest of the memory plays out. Riz keeps his hands stuffed in his pockets as he watches so that Fabian can't see the way his hands ball up into fists, the only physical sign of what he's feeling being a slight hunch of his shoulders as he watches himself spill his fucking guts. It's like he wasn't even trying to keep any of their secrets to himself, having fully surrended himself to Kalina's mercy, her poking and prodding until she's gotten everything out of him. Her smile is as chilling as ever as she says, I'm gonna head out and kill Lydia Barkrock and vanishes.
He watches the image of himself lay curled on the ground, eyes squeezed shut and gripping at his broken arm. He remembers this. Remembers giving himself a full minute to lay there and feel sorry for himself before he had to tell everyone else just how bad he fucked up. And then, all at once, the memory dissipates and fades.
Riz still doesn't look away to look at Fabian, hoping he's not too disappointed in what he'd seen. He clears his throat. ] Well, hey. Good job, man. You solved the mystery.
no subject
And the way Riz speaks up after the memory fades says enough. Riz is also feeling shitty as hell after seeing that - and why wouldn't he, with the way that ended?
Fabian pulls his headset off, feeling vaguely nauseous even now.
If he knew what Riz was thinking, he'd probably voice his question in a different way. But considering his own thoughts, he has to ask-- ]
Why did you tell her?
[ It's not that Fabian thinks Riz is cold and callous. Far from it.
But he knows how important this was to Riz. He knows. And it's not like Fabian had exactly been a great asset to the party back in that moment in particular. Why potentially fuck over the entire world, all for one person who had screwed up absolutely everything he could? ]
no subject
[ Riz turns to frown a little at Fabian, face a little pinched at the question. He had expected Fabian to say something reassuring, like hey, it all worked out in the end or there was nothing else you could have done -- platitudes that Riz knows aren't really the truth, but are still the sort of comforting lies that people tell each other. There were other things he could have done, and plenty of them, and tangible harm was done even if Ragh's Mom didn't wind up dying permanently anyway. But they're still nice to hear anyway.
But this was their mutual enemy, Riz reasons, and the world was at stake. Maybe it makes sense that Fabian takes stuff like that a little more seriously, he thinks, observing Fabian's cross looking expression. He thinks everyone expected more of him, including himself. He pauses, rubbing at the indent the headset made on his forehead while he tries to figure out what to say that doesn't sound like a total cop-out. ]
...I couldn't think of any other way out of it, I guess, [ he says, shrugging uncomfortably. ] I know I should've been able to figure out something that wasn't all of that - [ he spilled his guts so hard ] - but. I dunno. It was a long day.
[ It's not as though he could have figured out a better way around it with a good night's sleep, without Fabian's miserable form curled beside him, without the thrum of fear from the day's events racing through his veins. But maybe he wouldn't have had the brilliant idea of Misty Stepping while paralyzed. Maybe someone else could have come in and figured out a better deal.
It does not occur to him that Fabian could possibly mean a reality in which Riz didn't try to save him. ]
no subject
[ There's no pause this time before he says it. The words come out of his mouth almost naturally. Because even though Fabian is realizing this is a sign too - the fact that Riz isn't even considering that option, that he isn't taking that option from Fabian's words just now at all - he can't stop thinking about it. The thought feels like it's burning in his mind.
Riz could have let him die for the good of-- well, everything. Ragh's mom. The people they care about. The world.
But he didn't. Even at a time where Fabian was just a burden to the group.
Fabian doesn't say anything else. He doesn't even look at Riz. His throat feels dry. ]
no subject
No, I couldn't have. That wasn't an option. That's never gonna be an option.
[ He can't tell what's going through Fabian's mind and wishes, not for the last time, that he had any ability to read minds. He's not sure what to expect next, what he's supposed to be saying here -- if he should be offended that Fabian even thinks that there was a chance that he wouldn't choose him.
Though maybe that's hypocritical of him. Even Riz had thought he'd have found a different way around, that he wouldn't have given up the mission for anything. ]
...did you -- did you want me to?
no subject
No.
[ He's not sure he would have given the same answer in that moment, but.. well, it's been a long time since that moment for him. Fabian can see how he got out of it better. How it was all serving a purpose, how it was all leading to him becoming the person he is now.
But this isn't about what he wants. Or even what he wanted. ]
But you could have. [ Even if Riz is saying it wasn't an option. It makes something in Fabian's heart sting in a way that actually isn't all that unpleasant, even if he doesn't know how to deal with it. It's just-- He has to make this clear to the other, right? Otherwise Fabian's reaction is just seeming real weird. ] I was weighing down the party.
[ That part certainly was made pretty clear to him back then. ]