open the door, no need to follow

[copsormasks]

WHO: Jason Todd and Jonathan Crane
WHEN: After meeting in the mingle
WHERE: Jason's Apartment
WHAT: Jason and Crane share a casual coffee
NOTES\WARNINGS: Trauma, lots of trauma



[It takes about thirty minutes to go from coffee-less to sitting across from each other in Jason's apartment, the first of the week, while a new coffeemaker percolates with the sound of a dying beast. Jason doesn't really care that much about the coffee and instead his focus remains on the Jonathan Crane sitting across from him.

There's not much to the apartment except a backpack in one corner and some standard furnishings that came with the apartment. Jason is too paranoid to stay in one spot and moves too much to put a personal touch on any place he takes residence.

None of it is home, none of it will ever be home, but that's a train of thought for another day.]

Coffee should be done in a few minutes. Swept the place for bugs. No one should be listening in.

[And Jason's tracker was cut out of him by Deathstroke weeks ago, so he's not afraid of being tracked in this moment.]

Comments

[restingstitchface]

[Crane looks up to acknowledge his presence as he returns to the table.]

Dealing with idealists is the most tedious and boring part of work.

[He leans back against the chair, leaving his coffee steaming upon the table. He speaks so casually that what he is saying is no issue at all.]

You have a good head on your shoulders. I apologise if this comes across as insensitive, but you should never prmit those kinds of people control over you. Not when it comes to seizing the opportunity of living in a place like this.

[copsormasks]

They're so annoying. [Jason cups his hands around the mug, allowing the heat to penetrate his hands.] I'm never letting any of them ever control me. You're the only person who knows where I am right now.

[And Jason intends to keep it that way.]

[restingstitchface]

I watched you check for recording devices - that means you already suspect they know where you live.

[Crane levels Jason with a cold stare, but there is nothing behind it apart from curiosity. His coffee continues steaming on the table.]

This is a chance to feed them misinformation. You want them to remain out of your life, correct? Give them a reason to believe that.

[His voice lacks the coldness of his manner. Soft, thoughtful and considerate.]

[copsormasks]

It was because they probably have all these apartments bugged up, whether or not I'm in them.

[He wouldn't put it past either Bruce to tap an entire block of apartments.]

I've told them a hundred fucking times to leave me alone. That should be enough.

[restingstitchface]

[Crane offers a tired sigh upon hearing about their relentless pursuit.]

They're not going to listen, are they?

[You could give them a reason to leave you alone. He considered saying it but judged it to be too unsubtle.]

[copsormasks]

Probably not. [Jason pulls his mug close to him.] Not unless I prove I'm more dangerous than they think.

[But he doesn't think he can do it without the fear antidote.]

[restingstitchface]

[Crane juggles offering his opinion with making a suggestion.]

Do you think so? I think they would see you as somebody who needs to be controlled, with a boot stomped upon his face rather than pressed beneath their thumb.

[He breaks the moment of silence by reaching out for his coffee, allowing the imagery to sink into the the mind.]

Being unable to fear does nothing to alleviate the fact you hold no power in this relationship.

[copsormasks]

They can fucking try. [Jason pulls one hand from his mug to place a fist n the table between them. He's no one's son, no one's brother, and not anyone's problem to fix.]

[restingstitchface]

Of course they can.

[Crane speaks gently, offering only his opinion.

Jason loses self-control over the threat of being controlled. He does not, however, lose his temper nor deny having no power. Ergo the antidote.]

Do you realize that even if you begin treatment they will continue coming after you?

[copsormasks]

I know. [Jason admits before drawing his hand back toward his mug.] But I don't care what they think, I need this.

[restingstitchface]

[Crane leaves his coffee standing on the table.]

Controlled substances at the hospital are under lock and key. Perhaps you would fare better sourcing alternatives.

[He might have come out with armfuls of syringes, dressings and other portal goods. Well, not armfuls, but enough to begin making medical kits]

Baker's yeast. Rye bread. Both produce substances that can be synthesised. Nothing too suspicious...

[copsormasks]

You want me to get bread? [Jason furrows his brows, searching his mind for the substances that could also be used.] Not benadryl? Or nutmeg?

[restingstitchface]

Benadryl promotes sedation not emotional regulation, and is classed as an antihistaine not a benzodiazepine. You would be better off acquiring the latter

[He stares at some spot on the floor, processing active ideas while deep in thought.]

Myristicin - nutmeg - is something everybody processes differently. Plus the conversion rate would be... insufficent.

[Look, he's a goddamn nerd, don't beat him up.]

[copsormasks]

Okay, so rye bread.

[Jason considers what he does know about fear toxin from his research in chemistry.]

You need something that shuts down the lizard brain right? I think other you mentioned something about GABA? Tomatoes and some fruits and veggies have that, right?

[His brain is working overtime to remember what his Crane said to him.]

[restingstitchface]

[The amygdala and it's neurotransmitter systems, he corrects gently between sentences. Unable to write upon a chalkboard, he decides to interject, to educate. Because when any student of his calls the amygdala a "lizard brain" they fail the class.]

Correct. Though GABA is poor at crossing the blood-brain barrier. I suppose one would need to influence the enteric nervous system through the gut-brain axis. Magnesium and apigenin could work. Quercetin and kaempferol too now that I think about it...

[He continues thinking. One cannot simply carry tons of leafy greens away from the store without provoking suspicion.]

[copsormasks]

[Jason tries to think of what could be used instead of leafy greens and tomatoes.]

Do you think they have supplements in the store?

[Jason hasn't been here long enough to know.]

[restingstitchface]

Well, magnesium is widely available. The others less so. You will need to think creatively. But I think that will not prove difficult for you.

[Suggest the action. Provide the image. The child is willing and all he is doing is offering direction. Encouragement and attention though not affection. His own experiences make that difficult if not impossible.]

[copsormasks]

I can do that. I'm creative all the time. [That bravado is back. Jason doesn't know what exactly to look for, but he has a book on chemistry to help.]

[restingstitchface]

[Creative. But he wishes to deny himself feeling an emotion necessary for survival. Crane says nothing to dissuage, because he understands the motivation behind not being afraid of anyone - but he finds it incredibly disappointing at the same time.]

Then I suppose the question is how much are you willing to put in the work?

[Because having a fast track to being unafraid means you've not done the work at all.]

[copsormasks]

I'm willing to go all the way. Whatever it takes. [Jason needs these nightmares to stop, needs this ever-constant fear to leave him, in one way or another.]