etrayalogs | count me in as i do it--closed.

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count me in as i do it--closed.

WHO: Vander and Maria
WHEN: After the mission
WHERE: Their apartment
WHAT: Post mission talk
NOTES\WARNINGS: Discussions of death, murder, and trauma. NSFW.

[Maria had warned Vander that as soon as the mission was over, she would be seeking him out. and that had been before he died from what should have killed her. Vander didn't stand a chance of escaping her if he'd wanted to. the day they were returning, Maria found him and took his hand. squeezing it as tight as she could which probably felt like nothing to the much stronger man but it had to count for something. show him that she truly had no plans of letting him go.

going back, it was tense. not uncomfortable but all Maria wanted to do was be with him. hold him close and kiss him and tell him she loved him. the vision of his death, his last words, still kept playing in her mind. Vander coming back, soaked with blood, was not a sight she ever wanted to see again. but they had to behave. they had to talk about things, about them, and there was a lot to do. a lot to discuss. though the only word in her mind was his name, home, and how much she loved him.

Maria feels like she's basically jogging to get back to their apartment as soon as they land in Etraya. she doesn't want to talk to anybody else right now or see anybody. maybe it's selfish of her but she's held back so much when it comes to Vander, she's tired of doing it. after that mission, Maria doesn't plan to behave. Vander doesn't need her to behave anyway. he needs to know she's there for him, be held, and know just how much she understands him.

when they are back at their apartment, Maria is opening the door as quickly as she can and trying to pull him inside. her arms wrap around him and her head rests itself against his chest.]

I don't want to leave the apartment for a couple of days at least. Is that okay? I just don't want to lose sight of you.

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[Vander knew that the world was shades of grey and that there were no innocent people that existed. They had actions, thoughts and motivations that were selfish and that was okay because people had to feel like they could survive in the world in which they lived. There were, of course, true acts of vile and evil, but in so many cases, it wasn't those.

So he inclined his head where it rested on Maria's knee as she admitted to encourage James drinking and taking advantage of him. He had seen that many, many times in his long career as a bartender and also when he was a youth at parties or drinking holes where flesh was often worth the price of risk. He didn't judge her or blame him, especially as he knew a little of her world. She did what many did when they wanted something.]

You had the means and the motivation. [He said that without judgment. He had never seen inclination of Maria doing so with him, her patrons or even his own.] Considering you said the whole affair in Silent Hill is his punishment, that has to be part of what he thought he deserved, I suppose. [He hummed in agreement as she went on to describe the best of her, and he smiled up at her. Two of them flawed people admitting the quiet part out loud for once. He felt warm with her trust.] No, you don't, and you have a strong will for survival, which I appreciate.

[Vander huffed in amusement about the comments about his youth. Oh, if only she knew! He was such a force.] I had far less to lose than I did to gain from being gungho, and I lived my life like it could be my last much of the time. I was a menace, and I would have swept you off your feet if you had known me then. [She was the type of person he would have been curious to build a friendship with and yeah, he likely would have slept with her too if she had been interested.

He lifted his head to her kiss so it was a bit less of an awkward angle for her. He then moved in, kissing the swell of her hip then her belly before kissing his way up her front and between her breasts before he was sucking on her neck if she didn't push him off.]

Maybe I'm aiming for you to feel the urge to spread them again for me... [He smirked.] I see you, Maria, darkness and all, and I'm not deterred by it in the least. You mean, your bed monster butterfly flinging screeching parts? You were so beautiful and tragic even then in that memory.

[Vander brings up a point that she had never considered. if maybe her doing those things to James was still some part of him wanting punishment. there were so many times Maria had never been able to know what was her, what was James, and what had been that town. for a long time, whenever she did things like that, she had considered it her own actions. but now Vander made her question that. had it been her making the decision to do that or still the strings of the puppet master James unknowingly played...

but was it important to consider right now? everybody could wonder about their motivations. if they still would have made the same decisions based on different circumstances.] Being a menace didn't have as many risks. And being young, not so much to lose. The perks of youth. Easy to be nostalgic.

[Maria wouldn't push him off and she puts her hands on his shoulders lightly as he kisses her body and by the time he's at her neck, she's gasping silently and lying back against the pillow. her neck moves to offer him more space and her legs do spread as if offering him some prize.]

I know you're not deterred. The first thing you did after seeing me like that was fuck me up against a wall. Hard to turn you off, I guess. [it was how she had known that they wouldn't judge each other so easily, how she knew that Vander was always going to be her friend no matter what. her hands move into his hair and her voice takes a softer tone.] We see each other, Vander. Your bad parts don't make up all of you and they say more about the good of you, too. But all of it's you and all of it is worth knowing. Worth loving and embracing.

It did, but as long as the outcomes of those risks fell on me, it seemed perfectly reasonable to shoulder it. What did I have to lose? I might die in the streets or in a gang fight or in the mines, so... I wanted to choose freedom even within my prison.

[It had been different back then, of course. Why wouldn't it have been? The enforcers were as they always were, a threat from the other city. They might have been the worst, but the undercity was crawling with their own looking to have a leg up as well and some would do whatever it took for their own version of progress. It was a cycle of use and abuse with glimmers of decency and hope; both of those were dangerous in a city oppressed.

He followed her as she lay back, leaning over to keep contact as his hair slid off of his shoulders to curtain his face against her neck. He smiled at her observation of their first meeting after Aphaia mission, and he nuzzled her as he kissed up to the line of her jaw.]

Did I ever admit that I delayed messaging you? I wanted to as soon as we returned, but I thought it was inappropriate and you might think I'm coming on too strong. [It was even more funny because they had messaged each other within seconds of one another, so he knew that she had been holding off just as much. He pressed his nose against her cheek, using his hair as a curtain again to shadow their faces together.] Our bad parts make up our whole but they aren't the whole of us. You've shown me I can be loved again like this, and for that, I'll always be in your debt. It's been a long time since I've been in love, and I'm happy I found that again with you.

[but then people relied on him. he had his children. taking those risks didn't seem so simple once you knew people needed you. the downsides just didn't seem worth it considering the available benefits.

Maria doesn't say that quiet part out loud. Vander doesn't need the reminder of his past coming back to bite him in the ass, losing his sons. losing his own life on top of it. even in death, his body being taken from him. Vander knew these things well enough.] There are still ways to choose freedom. Even now. In small ways, at least. As strange as a situation as this is. [and it was certainly strange.]

Coming on too strong and then I just moved in. Guess I changed that tone real quick. Our next post mission date, the mission was still going. [and things had been so blurred, even back then. but her and Vander had maintained they just wanted things as they were, or she had assumed they'd both maintained that. her head turned and she kissed the skin she could reach.] I never thought I'd find a person like you. I never thought there would ever be anybody but James. But we found each other and I'm happy, too. You've made me happy, Vander. [a sense of deja vu, words spoken by Mary to James. but she truly felt them now with Vander. understood them in ways she never could have with James.] I love you more than I can put into words.

I know. I haven't felt so free unless I'm with you. Everything seems possible again. [Yes, he had something to lose in her, but he also had so much to regain that he thought that he had lost or put aside. The future that awaited him was for him if and when he returned to Runeterra. He had a mission in advocating for his world, but more than that, he had Maria who breathed warmth and acceptance into his life.

He laughed softly at her reminder of how things had escalated in terms and tone after Aphaia when they had met up again. Then the mission after. They had been pretty bound to each other.] You did just move in, and we both seemed content with the arrangement. And in my defense, we were having a stroll in the woods and you wanted to go back to the apartment. Who was I to deny you?

[His smile was warm and broad as he continued to lean over her, and he felt warmth spread in his chest.] I like to think I treat you better than James, but I'm open to constructive criticism on my performance. You deserve to be happy, deserve to be loved and cared for. [He hummed in agreement, leaning down to kiss her sweetly.] I love you similarly. Never stop being you, okay?

[Vander had always been nice to her. even when they'd first met and he had been reeling from his worst moments. during all their times, he'd had compliments for her and she had teased him about how he clearly knew how to charm people.

but there was something so different about this. about what he had to say and she knew her smiles must seem so giddy.] You could make a girl blush. [Maria didn't blush but the sentiment behind it was still the same. he made her feel flustered.]

Living with you felt right. Everything about you felt right. [the first time they'd had sex, that morning after, comforting each other after Aphaia...really, Vander had made her feel safe and happy. it wasn't a surprise that she had moved into Vander's. and he'd seemed to enjoy it as well. maybe this evolution of theirs had been inevitable.] You came knocking at my door, took me out and told me you wanted me to stay with you. Who wouldn't have wanted to go back to their place after something like that?

[Maria leaned into his kiss to press another softer one to his lips. they'd always been affectionate, always touching and sharing kisses. but these kisses did feel different. there was a deeper meaning to them now and no second guessing about how things could be taken.]

Baby girl, you're truly one in a million. You're not perfect, neither am I, but we'll make this work. And I'll always be there for you. I'll always love you and keep supporting your own fight for your world. We're here for each other and I'm never going to stop caring about you. All of you.

You know... I've never actually lived alone until I came here. It felt foreign to me, and I was delighted when your personal belongs kept making their way in. [She had put his life back into a sense of right again, her presence calming the unspoken distresses that he hadn't entirely known until they had evaporated.] I wanted you to know that I had returned mostly in one piece and that I missed you. Besides, the cabins bed didn't accommodate two people, so our bed was calling.

[His eyes fluttered closed as she replied in kind to the kiss that they shared together. He breathed her scent through his nose and savoured their closeness, one hand moved to lightly card his fingers through the hair behind her ear.]

Ha, now who is giving compliments? [He hummed softly, pecking her lips again.] Always is a long time, you know? I'm going to have to hold you to that. I'll protect you and love you as I know you deserve, and we'll do everything we can to protect both of our worlds.

[it went without saying that Maria had been alone. the vague backstory assigned to her told her that she'd never lived with anybody either. Maria didn't need to tell Vander, she knew that.] Ah, so you would have been happy if it were anyone, yeah? I should be happy it was me, then. What good luck. [her grin is so obviously teasing. a little game to test his reflex on that. he was a master at this and she liked to keep him on his feet.]

Always is a long time but always is a promise I'm willing to keep. I can't see myself hating you. [she kissed him again and again.] I'm loyal, I stick to what I care about and you're just one of those people now. We'll work together to make this work.

[Vander huffed at her question, making a point to roll his eyes before allowing them to crawl over her nude body were she lay against the bedding.] Well, I did have my fair share of dalliances, but you were the one played on opportunity when you could. I appreciate your eagerness to take over my bath and bed; it's very attractive, much like the rest of you. [He could give as good as he received, as always.]

Are you, hmm? No matter what this place throws at us, yeah? [He leaned into each kiss, replying in kind and savouring them, smile growing with each one.] I should nickname you barnacle instead of pupa, huh? Loyalty is something we have in common. [He moved his weight more to the left hand against the mattress and suddenly, almost shyly offered her his right forearm where the leather brace he never removed remained a constant presence. He turned it so the buckles were within easy reach.] Take this off?

You like someone who knows what they want and I always knew what I wanted. How much I wanted was the only thing up for debate but I knew I wanted you. [that had never been in doubt. Maria had known exactly she wanted Vander from their second meeting, when he had comforted her. by their third meeting, it had become obvious what they both wanted from each other.

and now look at them.

her eyes look down to his brace before meeting his eyes again, trying to search them for any trepidation. there wasn't any. but she had never really seen him remove this brace. Maria had always figured it would stay apart of him and she wouldn't ask questions. but it seemed like there was something to this story and so Maria does as she's asked, beginning to undo the buckles of it to help him take it off. she stays quiet otherwise, giving him the space to talk.]

A woman who knows what she wants and happens to be the most beautiful and supportive one that I've ever encountered here. [He smiled at her, offering a little wink because he would sell her beauty to anyone that would listen, especially her. He knew she was someone he wanted to know from their first meeting and by the second, he knew he was smitten.

He waited for her to unbuckle his brace and then slid it free of his arm to drop beside the bed. He flexed his hand and then brought it up to cup her face affectionately.] Think this is as close to naked as you've ever had me. [They both wear the collars now, so well, they still had some attire.

Yet, on the inside of his forearm and long raised black scar existed. It looked uglier than it felt these days, but it was a sign of his old shame and he didn't like looking at it.] Silco gave me this scar. I deserved it, but... it was the final piece of that day where I nearly killed him. We all have our shames, right?

[there is a very unladylike snort at that but it is Vander to his core. a charmer with a way with words. and she knows he isn't lying, saying pretty things to just say them. he means them.] Again, talking like a man trying to get me to spread my legs. Like it'd be so hard when he's so handsome and knows how to use what he's got. [but two could play that game.

she nuzzles her face into his hand and then looks at the scar. it is ugly but ugly in the way she knew it must be ugly for him to be reminded. he had loved Silco, that much was obvious. and what had happened must be terrible to think about. she moved his hand and pressed her lips to the scar, kissing him lightly along it.] What happened that day? What brought you to that point? [she hoped she didn't sound acccusatory, to not make him feel any worse. but it seemed like it was a good time for him to talk about this.]

[She was ever so charming when he could pull unladylike sounds from her honestly. It endeared him to her further, if that was even possible. He leaned down to kiss her jaw lightly.] Well, you have already lay back with your legs open so... it seems I am succeeding. I'll keep showing you my skills as long as you like.

[His fingers flexed, bulging the scar then stopped when her lips found their way to the tainted flesh. He knew be revealing it that it would provide an invitation for questions.] We were... burying our dead from the failed revolution. We have... mostly water burials, and it was raining hard. Everyone except Silco and I had left, and we... grieved in our own way. He started in at me, picking and unwilling to take no for an answer not to march back to the bridge and fight. I was hurting and upset and angry, and I just... snapped. That beast inside me took control and I tried to kill him. In the struggle, he managed to grab my knife and stabbed me in the gut and then sliced my forearm. He managed to flee after that... [He bowed his head, closing his eyes, wondering if he had said too much. They had come this far; she should know his secrets.]

I think you learned quickly it isn't hard to get my legs spread. [and it wasn't something she was ashamed of. she knew Vander wasn't either. they'd both been sluts and had had their fun. with each other and others as well.] But I'll take any excuse to have you flirt with me. [to show her any attention honestly.

she listens and doesn't judge. it would be unfair of her to judge Vander for this when James had killed Mary for worse reasons and Maria still couldn't find herself offended by it. this didn't change anything to Maria. it only explained Vander's fear.] They have a saying in my world. First step to fixing your problem is admitting you got it. [she peers at him and there's sympathy there.] We all handle our feelings differently. Sometimes when we hurt, we get angry. And you did. Seems like Silco did, too. But it's something he still does and it's something you see about yourself. You've tried to get better and that's the difference. Maybe your anger got the best of you, then. And maybe it still could now...if you let it. But you don't want to, do you? [and that was the big difference to her.]

Yeah well, we're both guilty as charged with that. It's nice that we'll be spreading our legs for each other from now on though. [He was not ashamed of his behaviour and also didn't mind that he was dedicating himself to Maria only. They had both had fun with other people and each other; now, they would have fun with each other.] Is that so? Well, I'll be certain to flirt more now.

[He knew that she was aware of the actions of what he had done, but also the man that she had dealt with back in her world. Her nonjudgmental attentiveness was appreciated, and he nuzzled her affectionately.] He's always been a firecracker, but we had just lost so many people and I wasn't...my best. Neither was he. It's not excuse for either of us. [He eased down to lay over her, nestling his face into her neck and kissing the leather choker she was wearing.] I never want you to feel afraid of me.

I wasn't spreading them enough for you, huh? I'll make sure to remedy that. [as if she wouldn't have slept with him any time he wanted it. as if she hadn't hit on him enough times. ] You'll flirt more, I'll spread my legs for you more.

[Maria sighed, pleasantly and happily. they'd always been affectionate but this had only made things better. even with such a serious discussion. it was a tough one but she thought they were bonding in ways they hadn't been able to before.] I can't imagine being afraid of you. And even with what you're telling me, I can't see it. I love you. You made a mistake but one of you tried to be better. And that's who I'm with right now.

Well, we don't plan on leaving the apartment for a day or two, so that's a good start as far as I'm concerned. [He appreciated their willingness for affection and that extended to sex as well, which he knew they would engage in often as they were back in that heightened affectionate period.] I can tell we won't accomplish much more than sex for a bit.

[He appreciated that he could tell her things that he otherwise would keep to himself rather than divulge to anyone else. He trusted her judgment and her willingness to be open. She had always been supportive without coddling him.] Thank you, Maria, you'll make me a better man, I know it. I only hope I can be equally as supportive for you.

It's what we call the honeymoon period back in my world. Plus I'm greedy. Can finally demand as much of your attention as I want. [there had been times where Maria had wanted to spend more time with him but then would consider how much they might have already had done so. that maybe she was asking for too much of it. they wouldn't have to worry about that anymore.]

A better man? You did see me try to kill James when he told me no. [context did matter. Maria knew Vander wouldn't have blamed her. much like with the situation with Silco and the losses they had faced, it meant something different.] But I want you to talk to me. Don't bottle things up. That's what James did and I've seen how that goes. So don't do it. Please consider yourself.

We have something like that back home as well. It's a good period to enjoy. [He smiled at her idea of demanding more of his attention, leaning in to kiss her temple.] Well, if I work every night Heaven's Night is open, think of all the time you'll be monopolized and I am able to walk you home to keep things romantic.

[He didn't blame her; it was clear that James punished himself but also punished Maria. Love or lust of whatever it was that she had back then for James was made more tragic by his rejection.] I won't fault you for that. He opened his mouth and within ten minutes, I put him on the floor. [Even back then he had wanted to protect Maria, especially seeing how upset she had been.] I will, and you too, right? We are here to experience everything we can with each other.

Listen, there may be some ulterior motives in getting you to bartend. Maybe. [and now that she could openly want his time then that was going to open up many chances for her with Vander.] Though it's been a while since you walked me home. Almost like we've been living together most of the time. But maybe I'll walk you home. Make sure nobody tries anything funny with you. [as if Vander couldn't protect himself.

after all, he had been the one to knock James flat. it had been good to see.] Sweet talking as always. But I know. I can't wait to experience everything we can and know I have you with me all the way.

Aside from my lifting and carrying crates of alcohol for you and you get to set my dress code? [He smirked at her, knowing that both of them enjoyed the show. Both of them had complimentary skills, and it was so easy to simply spend time with each other.] If you want, I'll walk you to the stairs or wait to walk you down the hall to the apartment. [He kissed her cheek affectionately.] My hero, keeping me safe and protected from all the people that would take advantage of me.

[He didn't normally lose his temper so readily anymore, but since losing his kids, his temper has been a slow boil that could flare more readily.] You will. The only way this stops is if one or both of us is taken away from this place. I'm the dirt under your fingernails.

Walk me to the bath and then carry me out of the bath obviously. [a little different than walking her home but she thought Vander would probably do it anyway. he'd spoiled her a lot.] Someone has to keep an eye out for a little thing like you.

[Maria knew his emotions were much more violatile. grief did that. and since discovering so much about himself, it was only to be expected. he was hitting the punching bag like that for a reason. but it still didn't worry her. Vander wouldn't hurt her. she knew that. and she loved him. she had faith in him.] How romantic. But we're both in it for the long haul. I can't wait to see it through to the end with you.

Only because you asked so nicely and I like the feel of your wet skin on mine. [He would pick her up and carry her wherever she wanted to go. He had no hesitation on that.] I am a defenseless little creature like me. Glad you're looking out for me.

[He knew that there were dark sides to both of them, and neither of them were afraid of the other. He shifted his arms so they curled around the top of her head and he lay on her fully, trapping her under his weight. He rested his forehead against hers.] Me too. Thank you for loving me, Maria.

[their friendship had started as soon as Maria had offered him the napkins to clean himself off. they'd immediately joked and teased, even though Vander had gone through something awful. but that had been the basis of their relationship. they had never taken anything too seriously.

until they did. until they saw each other fully. when they knew who and what the other was. but nothing had changed. no, they'd only grown to fall in love with each other.

Maria leaned up to kiss him, knowing they were going to love each other. they wouldn't give up on each other no matter what.]

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count me in as i do it--closed.

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