etrayalogs | (open) i know the sun will shine tomorrow

[None of this is news to Clark. He knows what Lois is like, loves her for it — most of the time, that kind of focus and her brash approach to even the most seemingly insurmountable of obstacles are very attractive to him. It is a little different when he's the supposed problem, though.

But it helps to her hear say it. To know that she knows where she'd made a left turn when she should have veered right.]

Well, you weren't wrong that I wouldn't have wanted to talk about it. Whether that's because I didn't want Jon to hear it or because I didn't want to deal with it again...who knows.

[Six of one, half a dozen of the other. He moves over to face her from the other side of the island, taking a long drink of water before setting the glass down.]

Giving me a heads up would have helped, though. At least given me a chance to think about what I should say.

[He sighs. This next part is not something he wants to say, he does not want to trade hurt for hurt, but letting things fester will be worse in the long run. He's started to learn that.]

It's not the same as when I was blindsided by the video in front of the whole world. Not even close. But when I realized what you wanted to talk about right in front of Jon, it felt a little like that for a minute.

Edited 2025-09-03 03:30 (UTC)

( Lois listens by watching him, being fully present in the moment. She's here, she's listening, she's hearing, which is always the point. Not to look away, no matter what it is you're seeing. Maybe especially when it's the least beautiful parts of yourself. Lois has enough of those in her estimate; most aren't particularly heinous, just human foibles and her own stubbornness exacerbating several of them, but there are others, and stubbornness has downfalls as well as strengths. Her driving need to know, to even face things head on, and then to pointedly not do so for herself is... some of that too.

Because it means she misses things like this. She does flinch as that realization lands, from Clark's lips to her ears. Intentional or not, she'd stepped right on the same evocative trauma as having his life's meaning torn out from under him. Scale doesn't matter. Nasty surprises don't get more pleasant just because you upend the entire sugar container over them.

Lois sits still, not breaking eye-contact even after she flinches. Her expression probably isn't difficult to read, not when she's deliberately trying to be open. She's an expressive person for the most part anyway, and so the guilt — momentary, passing, because to her guilt is performative, not instructive, it doesn't help — followed by regret and the slight slump of her shoulders. )

I see.

( The damnable part is, she does. She also sees why there's a very high chance that regardless, she still would have stepped on this particular heart-wound, because she hasn't... fully made that shift into acknowledging the consideration she has for how he feels matters to her. She'd started to, back in Metropolis. When she'd been calling the Secretary of Defense, when she'd been writing that article reaming their government with the memory of Clark stepping out the window to go after some foster dog Luthor had abducted, when she'd driven herself to the Hall of Justice and tried to rally any of his sometimes-co-workers to his cause. Also to treason. Which, in reflection, is kind of a big deal. Whatever resolve she'd had to finally admit she loved him too was a capstone on a terrible week, and then they'd been in San Francisco, and then Etraya, and this has pushed her heavily into coping by taking care of anything she can, and trying to head off future risk factors. It's an emotional space, but it's not one that's paying enough attention to what he's feeling, or even enough of Jon's feeling, and probably least of all hers.

The point is to face herself on this, and know that even when she'd taken that step away from work to focus in on finding her not-calling-him-her-boyfriend, she's still not good at balancing both at the same time. Her innate drive, which is unsurprisingly also good at driving away casual relationships, and the strength of her desire and willingness to care. When she lets herself. When she trusts. And she trusts Clark Kent.

Clark, who isn't walking away right now. It's weird to know that's important, just as it's warming (and also a little unpleasant, she's not immune to not liking to hear painful truths) that this time he didn't turn away from what he could have. Maybe she needs to make her trust explicit. Being honest in turn, without derailing this being a conversation about how she hurt him. )

I was a jackass. ( Her thumb stroking over the top of her hand again, wheels in motion. ) I don't want to make you feel like that. Not ever. But I still did, to any degree.

( Not a dismissal, but acknowledgement: a little like that is too much like that. Lois knows truths can hurt, but they don't need to be used like shame. )

So I need to work on that. The communicating first, and... not choosing to blindside you.

( Another pause, less hesitation than consideration. Lois finally decides in favor of adding: )

Can you keep trying to do this?

( Finally lifting her hands off the counter, she gestures between them, from her chest towards his. )

Talk with me when we're butting heads? Or hurt, or whatever it is we're feeling when it's not just... ( she lifts both hands now, making a sort of expansive gesture starting with her fingers curled in and hands held over the top of her chest, then both her hands opening and her arms pivoting out toward her shoulders, elbows remaining in place at her sides: ) ... incandescent happiness or overwhelming attraction.

( Because those are really easy ones to want to stay through, for obvious and enjoyable reasons. All the possible negatives? They're just not. )

[Clark sees the flinch and the guilt and he doesn't like being the cause, even he'd been reacting to Lois' decision to push without decent foresight. They could trace it back even further, maybe, point to some reason he gave her to do so, and then something before that, but blame is not the important thing here. He'd needed to be honest, get ahead of anything that could turn into lingering resentment. He knows Lois hadn't hurt him on purpose.

One corner of his mouth turns up just a little bit at Lois' self-assessment of her jackassery. It's not funny, but her frank judgment warms him, strangely enough. Maybe because he doesn't disagree in this particular instance. Lois had called him out, rightly, when they'd had their big fight in her apartment, and it's nice to know that she really will call them as she sees them, even when the "them" is her own mistake.]

I can do that.

[He reaches out to take one of Lois' hands once it looks like she's more or less finished with the expansive gesture.]

Do the same when I'm the one who needs it. Because it'll probably be my turn eventually.

[It has been already. Clark likes to think he won't do anything to upset Lois, that he's learned from his own mistakes, but that's not realistic. The best both of them can do is their best.

(It's not at the top of his mind just now. But he is going to remember that "overwhelming attraction" line.]

( Ask her how likely she was to call herself out in her early twenties, and it would have still been fairly likely, but with much less awareness of the inherent value and need. Also fewer failed attempts at relationships. Some things really do clarify with time, and she sighs before she smiles, finding a way to lace their fingers together when he reaches for her hand. Fondness isn't quite a balm for regrets, but Lois knows how to handle hers.

Or she knows how little she likes earning more of the same kind. )

Hah. I'll try.

( They hadn't talked about how she'd shut down with her muttering about why she doesn't work out in relationships. At some point, it's probably worth addressing. (Absolutely.) Not when she's feeling a little raw. Measured out vulnerability is easier for her to handle on her part.

Which may be why she tugs on his hand, leaning forward so she can press a kiss across his knuckles. She'll try. The ways she seeks conflict are usually in clarifications, and Lois is not exactly the most clear when it comes to nuances of how she feels. )

So... 'Kara?'

[He doesn't doubt that she can do it. Clark just hopes it's quite a while before she needs to.

He smiles when she kisses his hand, sort of touched by the gesture, and he can feel his shoulders relaxing as the tension in them starts to truly dissipate. This is okay. They're okay.]

Ah, yeah.

[He knew that was coming once Jon dropped the name. It's not even that he minds; it's something he would have shared eventually on his own, most likely, though he doubts there would have otherwise been the impetus to do so for quite a while once they arrived in Etraya.]

Kara is my cousin. [He pauses for a moment, aware of the need for clarification.] My blood cousin.

( Lois just waits for him to decide on how he's saying whatever he needs to say. It doesn't diminish the effect when he does give Kara defining context. If anything, her raised eyebrows turn into something of an unintentional small jaw-drop at blood cousin. )

How?

( She's seen where he grew up, he didn't have a secret cousin in the basement (probably) which indicated more was going on, but: )

Wait, so Krypto is her dog?

Yeah, that's why he is the way he is. He likes to play too hard and she never disciplines him and then he thinks it's okay to jump on everyone. I didn't even want to look after him, but she dropped him off with me so she could go partying and she's family, so I did it. I just wish she'd be more responsible.

[There's a 'frustrated big brother' edge to his voice that even Clark can recognize. This is not the information Lois is actually looking for, but golly, it feels good to vent a little.]

Sorry. I got a little off-track.

Edited (lost a word) 2025-09-03 13:11 (UTC)

Uh-huh.

( Clark just going off (for him) on the dog is enough to have Lois nodding her head and making a little non-verbal sound of acknowledgement. It explains why Krypto had crawled into her lap when she was trying to drive the T-Ship or whatever it was called. It's also a lot of tangentially applicable new information that does very little to actually explain Kara... Kara. Lois isn't even sure what Kryptonian naming conventions would be. Like next to everything about Kryptonian culture.

She can empathize. But he's right, it is off track. )

So Luthor kidnapped your cousin Kara's dog. Which he assumed was yours. ( Wait: ) Wait, where's Krypto from?

Luthor and his goons took Krypto when they broke into the fortress. Same time that they found and stole my parents' video.

[Clark just hopes Krypto really, really made them work for it.]

Krypto and Kara are from the same place as me, in a sense. [He takes another drink of water, his mouth settling into a grim line.] I was the last son of Krypton, but I wasn't the only one to make it out alive, not at first. It's a long story, one I didn't know about for years and years, but the short version is that there was a fragment of the planet left over, big enough to support survivors. For a while.

[It's not guilt that Clark feels, exactly. He hadn't known and couldn't have done anything to help even if he did. But it's something like guilt.]

I was sent to safety and grew up on Earth. Kara spent the first two-thirds of her life on a chunk of a destroyed planet. She's the only survivor of the people who were there.

( Lois literally bites down on the side of her tongue to not ask what the whole structure is called, other than what she's getting here as 'fortress,' because it's not terribly relevant right now, and she's already learning about another more important piece of news than what Clark's Kryptonian Hideway in the Antarctic is about. (For now.) )

So... your cousin came from a partially preserved portion of Krypton's surface, which ultimately failed over time, until she was left alone and... sent towards Earth?

( Trying to suss out general details, rather than pressing for anything specific. Maybe if this Kara were around, and wanting to talk, it'd be different. As it is, Lois goes quiet for a moment, clearly caught up in her own thoughts. People don't come out of situations like that untouched by them. The lack of boundaries with the dog, the partying (? explain that one, Clark?), and the fact she's one of two point five survivors of a planet lost to space and time?

Lois is fairly sure in whatever's gone on, therapy hasn't been part of it. )

Something like that, yeah.

[Clark is not unaware of the fact that living through something like that leaves a lot of emotional damage. He just wishes he were more equipped to do something to help, if she would even let him.]

She's younger than me — about twenty now. I'd like to look out for her more if I could.

[Lois of all people knows how it kills him when he can't help.]

( She tugs on their interlaced hands, sort of shifting herself around the near end of the island. Clark's heart is more outsized than any other part of him. He strives so hard to help out where he can, even if it's overstepping or not fully considered — he can't help himself. He just cares.

Since this isn't an interview, and is just Lois-the-girlfriend asking Clark-the-boyfriend, she's shifting toward some distance bridging. He doesn't need her objectivity. At least not in the moment. not even her curiosity, something they both know has a very strong desire to be satisfied. )

I know. Sometimes we just have to wait for people to be ready. Sometimes they might never be.

( If she can get close enough, she's going to loop her other arm around his waist, keeping their clasped hands between them. Closer to his heart than to hers. )

[Clark shifts his own position as Lois moves around the island, facing her so he can drop his arm around Lois' shoulders as she steps close to him, never letting go of her hand. He'd only meant to share pertinent information with Lois, not make a whole thing of it — it's not as though he's the one who went through everything that Kara did.

Still, he has to admit that the hug feels really good.]

I know. You're right.

[He drops his head and stoops a little, resting his chin atop her hair.]

Stinks, though.

( Priorities being what they are, she leans against him and their still held hands, offering him what bulwark she can. Kara is someone he can't simply save. She sounds like a young woman who's going to have to decide on when she wants to start saving herself, if she ever does. Lois has a feeling the answer is she will. Or she's hoping that will be true, for Clark's sake, and for the unmet and unknown Kara too.

... It is hard not to keep asking questions. Lois allows herself to sigh, rubbing a circle against Clark's back when his chin comes to rest on top of her head. Family politics are something she's not even bringing up for herself. Noteworthy or not, it's not like they've peeled back those layers to any great extent. Let it happen when it happens. )

It does. ( Her brow furrows, but she doesn't look up: he's welcome to keep using her as a chin rest for the moment. Giving his hand a squeeze, she instead asks: ) ... Who was taking care of Krypto in your fortress?

[Clark is mostly in the moment, appreciating Lois' support, but some part of him is very aware of who she is and how many questions she's likely holding back, so it's nice that the first one she asks is pretty benign.]

Oh, the robots feed and look after him. Gary says that Krypto can tell they're only automatons, though, so he doesn't listen to them when they try to check his bad behavior.

[Said completely casually.]

( ... That hand is going to thump a bit harder against his midback right about now. )

You have robots?

( Not that the next is as relevant but: )

Since when?

( Clark are you a secret mechanical engineer as well sir because she has seen your failure to hit buttons on recorders. )

[It's fine it's fine, not like she can hurt him.]

Since as long as I've been Superman? Before, actually.

[This truly doesn't strike Clark as being particularly weird, which possibly says something about his life.]

( Not without going for emotional damage, she can't. She is so close to dislodging his stupid sexy chin, and then decides, yes she is. Lois ducks herself down a touch and leans back, figuring between his arm and hers she won't end up falling over backward anytime soon. )

You've had robots from how long before? Where did they come from? Did you build them?

[Aw but — he was enjoying that chinrest cuddle.]

I don't remember exactly, it was a while. A few years? Not until after I graduated college. And no, I didn't build them.

[This comes with a 'come on Lois you know assembling furniture from Wayfair is around my upper limit' expression.]

They were part of an automated protocol sent with me on the ship. The fortress and the robots sort of...self-assembled.

( She does know he's not exactly the kind of guy who goes around building things that don't also mean it when it says, "some assembly required." That's not what has that look of growing, mixed incredulity and amusement on her face because they self-assembled: )

In Antarctica? One of the two regions on Earth that has no sunlight for months every year?

( Clark??? Did you panic fly them there??? Post-grad party gone wrong style??? )

It also doesn't have a lot of people there.

[Which is concern #1, he thinks.]

It's not like I need the fortress' equipment to force-heal me quickly most of the time.

[Is he sounding a little defensive now? Maybe possibly.]

Neither does the Kuril Islands?

( She can hear his tone, and she just... leans in to thunk her head against his chest. Try to reign it in, Lois, try to reign it in.

(She's laughing. Quietly to start, but it's going to get louder. She's also squeezing his hand with hers because he just does not see how ridiculous this entire line of inquiry is, it's so normal to him.) )

You have force-healing equipment. In Antarctica.

[Clark is glad Lois is laughing, at least, even if he doesn't think any of this is funny. Antarctica is private! He's never had to worry about darkness before!]

Yeah, it's much faster than just sitting around in the sunlight. How else do you think I got back to Metropolis so fast after the Hammer of Boravia kicked my ass?

[He's grown as a person. He can admit that Jimmy was right.]

( Of course Clark doesn't think about it. He's been sort of proving the last few weeks that he doesn't always thinks about consequences. Usually it's innocent! Then there are times where it isn't. Where it is, factually, more dangerous, and not once because Clark is anything less than inherently good.

And trusting.

And damn. At least her laughter's trailing off, and she's lifting her head to look back up at him. Sliding back into being more serious, because that changes how she has to look at it: force-healing is forced healing, and if it works that fast by concentrating sunlight on him... )

I didn't know how. I didn't even know how badly you were injured. You weren't telling me after, and during you were kind of busy.

( Not an accusation, but if he's going to ask a rhetorical question, she's damn well going to answer it.

Remember that whole, rubbing circles on his back earlier thing? She drops her hand down to his lower back, quirking up her eyebrows while she studies his face, last lingering traces of her smile from her laughter fading away. )

How bad was it, Clark? I know you said you ended up sending him through a black hole, but... how did you end up getting the upper hand when he kept you suppressed before?

( He didn't have time to fit in some massive change in how he fought, he went from prison to Kansas to Metropolis within two days. )

[Oh, this isn't going how he meant it to. Clark doesn't mind talking more about this side of his life with Lois, he's glad they're in a place where she wants to know and he wants to share.

But she is not going to like hearing about these details. His reluctance to share them is obvious from his expression, which is why he does so anyway; she's not going to let it go once she knows there's something to let go of.]

It wasn't great. Fourteen broken bones...collapsed lung...some other stuff.

[Before Lois can react to that, he lets go of the of her hand so that both arms can wrap securely around her.]

I'm fine now. I was fine [ish] by the end of that day. Krypto made the difference the final time we faced off — he took out these floating drone things that Luthor was using to watch the scene remotely and give commands to the clone. We were a lot more evenly matched after that, and I got the edge on him.

(open) i know the sun will shine tomorrow

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

not here