etrayalogs | you are alive; so live (closed and open)

Hob is still getting himself reoriented to Etraya, but the apartments aren't hard to find, and he does remember where Loki lives. Although Loki seems put-out at him, which Hob can understand, he hopes to somehow smooth things over with the god who means so much to him.

Loki said he'd return home in an hour, but Hob ends up at his door waiting for him. He did knock, just in case Loki was actually home and was simply delaying their reunion. However, with no response, he's left to linger in the hallway, pacing back and forth on occasion and looking up and down the hall, anticipating Loki's arrival.

Hob looks a bit disoriented and disheveled. He keeps raking his fingers back through his hair in an anxious way as he waits. His hair is cut differently, shorter than when he was last in Etraya, and the beard on his face is a new addition. He has so much to tell Loki about what happened while he was away.

The week that Hob has been gone has been like torture to Loki. It's been a very long time since he felt like this, but after giving up everything to save the multiverse, Loki is now hyper-aware of what it is like to lose people he cares about so when he couldn't find Hob upon their return, his mind had gone to worst case scenario.

He'd been rocked by a multitude of emotions like he hasn't experienced in a long time and he feels ashamed that he clearly hasn't grown as much as he'd thought. That first night when he'd realized Hob wasn't around he'd thought he'd been left behind accidentally like the people they had gone to rescue. Then he thought maybe he was here but avoiding him. Or he hadn't wanted to come back. Or he had found a way home and had just left Loki. All of this combined to make Loki feel scared, hurt and abandoned. A combination that Loki has never been good at handling so when Hob suddenly reappeared, as much as he wanted to run to him, he also became overwhelmed by anger.

He kind of hates himself for that. Hob likely didn't deserve how Loki treated him when he saw his message, but Loki has never been good at thinking first when he's upset.

But in the end, he couldn't cut him out either. Loki needs to know what happened, why Hob left him and if it turns out that Hob just is done with him, he'll just have to find a way to deal with that.

Loki has barely been sleeping since Hob disappeared, which likely hasn't helped matters, but he hopes it's not too apparent as he makes his way back home to meet up with Hob. He could use his magic to make himself look better, but just the idea of trying that feels exhausting to him. As he makes his way down the hallway towards his apartment door, he almost doesn't recognize the man standing outside his door, but it is undoubted Hob. Loki has the urge to pull him into his arms, especially with how distraught he looks, but Loki has to remind himself that he has no idea what Hob even wants. Or doesn't want.

Without a word, Loki unlocks the door and motions for Hob to follow. For once in his life, he feels speechless.

When Hob finally spots Loki coming down the hall, he stops his pacing and stands dead in his tracks. He's just staring at Loki, a little wide eyed. When some hair falls over the right side of his face, he quickly pushes it back with one hand as Loki makes his approach.

The god doesn't look very happy to see him. Has he fucked this up completely? All over some mismanaged words?

Once the door is opened and he's invited inside, Hob steps over the threshold, giving Loki some space as he turns to gaze at him again.

"You're even more handsome than I remembered." It still feels like it's been a year for Hob, even if only a week has passed in Etraya. No matter how messy Loki thinks he looks, Hob thinks he's stunning. He's feeling a mix of emotions he's trying to sort through right now.

It's actually rather difficult for Loki to not simply turn and draw Hob into an embrace. He's not sure he's ever missed someone quite so badly before, but apparently he's still ready to believe that people have abandoned him at a moments notice and he can't seem to ignore the voice in the back of his head telling him that Hob has only returned to him because it was against his will. He doesn't really want to be here with him. He wants to be wherever he was for the last week.

Or longer. Hob looks different and somehow more handsome, though Loki isn't sure if that's because of how much he's missed him or just that he apparently likes Hob with a beard. Possibly both. But that's a sidetrack that Loki is desperately trying not to go down.

"Pfft, please. I know what I look like. You are not the one who is a known liar in this," he gestures between them, "whatever this is. Now why don't you stop trying to flatter me and tell me whatever it is you're here to tell me. What, did you fail at leaving? Echo manage to drag you back and you figure, what the hel? Might as well see if Loki is still gullible?"

Loki, of course, believes none of this, but he never could keep his mouth shut when he's feeling hurt and betrayed. He doesn't know what happened, or where Hob has been, all he knows is that he was abandoned without some much as a word and it hurts.

Hob watches Loki, his expression shifting between confusion and hurt, and yeah, maybe even a little pissed that Loki would accuse him of such things. He knows Loki doesn't mean what he says. It's just some defense mechanism in case his worst fears are actually true, but Hob also thinks Loki should know better. Know him better.

"Loki, I never tried to leave. You know we can't control that. I thought I was coming back to Etraya with you, and then I... I wasn't. Do you really think I would do that to you? That I'm the kind of person who would?"

After knowing him for so long, Loki had to realize that Hob would not have left him willingly. And he'd never do so without warning or a parting word, at the very least.

And once Loki comes to his senses, he will feel absolutely horrible about the way he's acting. He's been trying to hard and honestly thought he was better about dealing with feelings like this, but everything is different with Hob. He's never felt this way about anyone before and having him disappear out of nowhere for a week has messed him up more than he thought it would.

Needless to say, there will be a lot of grovelling in the future. Because he does know Hob better. This isn't really anything to do with how well he knows Hob and everything to do with how he still hasn't dealt with some of his own personal issues.

When Hob finally speaks, it feels like the air is pulled from Loki's lungs. It comes out with a sigh as he hangs his head. He knows he's being an idiot and that if he doesn't stop he runs the risk of actually losing Hob (or so he assumes), but it's so hard when his abandonment issues come roaring to the forefront.

"No," he whispers after a long pause. "I don't think you're the type of person, but I am the type of person who has that done to them. I couldn't blame if you if you had the chance to go home and decided to take it." He can't look at Hob as he speaks, instead choosing to head to the kitchen to turn on the kettle. What he needs right now is tea.

Or something stronger, but tea will do.

There's a sad look on Hob's face for the amount of trust Loki has had broken in the past. He's been burned so many times before, it's understandable he'd think it might happen again, even if Hob doesn't think he's ever given Loki a reason not to have faith in him.

As Loki departs into the kitchen, Hob follows a moment after, and as Loki busies himself, Hob wraps his arms around Loki from behind to hold him.

"Please, Loki. Don't do this to yourself." Hob isn't pushing Loki away, but Loki expects it so much, he's already accepted it. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

It's true. Hob has never given him a reason to not trust him. In fact, it's the very opposite. None of this is on Hob, it's all Loki and deep down, he knows it. Once he gets over himself, he'll probably be apologizing to Hob for a very long time.

It had been Loki's every intention to remain hard and unrelenting, but the moment Hob's arms go around him, he feels himself giving in. His head falls forward and he closes his eyes as he feels himself press back into the embrace.

"You cannot promise that. If you left once, you can easily leave again." His voice is soft, sad. He's always known this is the truth, but after experiencing it for real, it's become clear that it is much harder for him to deal with than he'd expected. Loki has lost everyone he's ever loved before and he hadn't realized until Hob hadn't returned with them to Etraya just how much that has affected him.

Hob sighs with relief when Loki leans back against him rather than rejects him, even if Loki's words are still hesitant to accept him back.

"That's true." Neither of them can make that promise and keep it, since it's out of their control. Loki could also disappear at any moment, and if he did, he might return, but he might not. Hob knows he'd be devastated as well, were that to happen.

So what does this mean? Has Loki decided he'd rather not get attached? Isn't it too late for that? Hob fears Loki might ice himself off, which Hob knows isn't good for him.

"Are you telling me to go?" Hob doesn't think he can, even if Loki says so.

Loki can feel the relief coming off Hob in that sigh and he can't help but feel terrible for worrying him. He's just been feeling so hurt and abandoned, two feelings that Loki has never done well at dealing with. It had been different when he was the one to leave, when he'd had to shut that door between him and Mobius and Sylvie and gone off to deal with the multiverse. Because it had been his choice along with being necessary. And he'd been in control.

Losing Hob like this though, even if only for a week, had been devastating. Mostly because he didn't actually know what happened. He'd spent the week unable to sleep as his mind went over and over what might have happened. Was he accidentally left behind on the last mission? Was he sent home or decide that going home was more important than anything he has here? Was he just avoiding Loki and hadn't left at all? The last one specifically had been the most unlikely and clearly something just made up in Loki's unhappy brain, but it had still occurred to him.

If he's honest, this whole thing has terrified him and he's spent a lot of the last week thinking he was stupid to get attached to anyone. He knows better than many what it's like to lose people you care about and he wouldn't wish it on anyone, but the moment Hob asks the question, the answer is perfectly clear to Loki.

"No, I don't want you to go. I don't ever want you to go. That is the crux of the problem I would say." The truth of the matter is, no matter how hard it had been, no matter how much it had hurt, Loki can't imagine not having Hob in his life, at least not while he's standing right there with him.

Hob would never have worried Loki if he could help it. All of the pain and sorrow he felt before arriving back here is just a dull ache in the back of his mind while Loki is hurting. He has so much to tell Loki about, too, if he'll even want to hear it.

When Loki says he doesn't want him to go, Hob sighs with relief. He takes a step back, loosening his hold on Loki but keeping his hands on the man's hips, so he hasn't gone far.

"Then turn around and look at me, darling. Please." If he does feel that way, Hob wants to see it on his face and in his eyes.

Deep down, Loki knows that. He knows that Hob wouldn't leave him, at least not without an explanation and a goodbye, if it were at all his choice, but the longer he'd been gone, the more his mind had done what it does by continually thinking of the worst case scenario.

It's how his mind has always worked. He's always been the one to think the worst would happen, at least to him. It's why he spent so much of his life pushing people away and trying to be self-sufficient. It's why he's always had a need for control. He really did think he'd gotten better at this since his time at the TVA, but then again, has he felt for anyone the way he feels for Hob now?

The answer, of course, is no, he's never felt for anyone the way he feels about Hob. And that both warms his heart and terrifies him.

Loki sighs deeply before turning in Hob's now looser embrace, but his eyes are downcast. He feels a bit embarrassed for how he's acted, how he's treated Hob since his return, but there's still that sting of being left as well. It takes him a moment, but he does manage to look up at him after a moment.

"I am sorry," he whispers, not really sure what else to say.

One thing Hob realized early on is how much he needs people. Even if it would be safer for him to exist alone, being alone defeated the purpose of existing. All of his happiest moments involve other people, Loki included, so when Loki turns to face him and offers an apology, Hob is relieved.

He shakes his head and lifts his hands to cup Loki's handsome face, which Hob can't believe he had forgotten. "You don't need to apologize. I'm sorry I didn't contact you directly, first." He doesn't want to make excuses for his actions. Hob just had to get reacclimated, but that doesn't mean he didn't hurt Loki in doing so.

Loki has learned a similar lesson. Truly the most difficult part of sitting on his throne had been leaving everyone he cares about behind. It's also why he's started leaning more and more towards trying to stay in Etraya, even if he feels badly about it. He has an important job to get back to, but since being here it has seemed to be that things have been moving along quite well without him.

Is that selfish? Of course. And that does legitimately scare Loki. He doesn't want to go back to how he had been before the TVA, but on the other hand, hasn't he done enough already? Can't he have just a little bit of something good for a change?

Can't he just keep Hob?

A small, sad smile crosses his face. "I think we both know I do. I should have known better, that you wouldn't be like that. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt and let you explain. I suppose I still am not used to others wanting to bother with such things." Loki's eyes close briefly as he leans into Hob's touch. He's missed him so much it hurt.

"You should not have had to worry about contacting me first, or at all. I am sure whatever happened, it must have been startling to find yourself home and then ripped back here. Rather cruel of them to take you away twice."

Hob would have liked to have been given Loki's trust, but knowing how he was previously treated, with no trust given to him, Hob can understand his reaction. Change doesn't happen overnight or even in the course of a year. It can take a long time for deep wounds to heal. There are some wounds Hob has not recovered from, either. Especially when one lives beyond a mortal’s lifetime, and Loki has lived far longer than him.

As Loki's eyes close, Hob tilts his face up to give him a brief kiss on the lips.

"A lot has happened I want to tell you about. It was startling, yes, but I think the visit home was also necessary. I was able to see my friend one last time and attend his funeral."

Hob only has one friend worth speaking of, so Loki can probably figure out who it is.

The strange part is, Loki does trust him. As much as he can trust anyone at least. It really isn't anything Hob has done and more Loki's own issues that keep coming up now that he's living amongst people again. In a place where anyone can arrive at any time. It's his own brain that keeps telling him to be wary of everyone and really, he'd thought he had that under control right up until Hob disappeared.

No one had known anything. He could get no answers and it had scared Loki more than he has been in a long time. As much as he likes to believe he's changed, Hob disappearing was the first real test of that, and he knows how badly he's failed. He can only feel relieved that Hob isn't angry with him in return.

Loki sighs at the feeling of the brief kiss and he feels himself relax slightly. He feels exhausted, a week of no sleep will even affect a god apparently, but he also wants to make up for lost time. He wants to show Hob he does care, he does want to hear what happened. It's only his own traitorous mind that has kept them apart since his return.

"Oh Hob, I am sorry. Your friend that helped imbue you with a long life?" He knows it was Dreams sister that technically did this, but it would not have happened without Hob's friend. It sends a pang of longing into his chest for his own best friend. "Come and sit. I want to hear everything. I will make us some tea and you can tell me everything you wish to."

It is the least he can do, really.

Hob knows Loki is tired after being stressed and upset during his absence, but he appreciates Loki for putting that discomfort aside to be there for him. Later, Hob will make sure Loki gets proper rest. He'll cuddle up in bed with him and hold Loki all night so he can get some much-deserved sleep.

For now, Hob nods and will let Loki take care of him. "Yeah. I'll sit and we'll have a chat." He steps away so Loki can finish his work in the kitchen.

Hob goes into the living space so he can take a seat on the couch, which also feels foreign yet familiar. Slowly, he takes in the appearance of the apartment, which is just as he remembered it. Those memories feel years old but being in this space puts him at ease.

It's true. Loki feels absolutely wrung out, physically and emotionally, but he feels terrible for how selfish he's been. He's very quickly gone from being upset over Hob's disappearance to being upset with himself for not giving Hob the benefit of the doubt he so richly deserves. The very least he can do is make him some tea and let him speak as much or as little as he wants.

It takes Loki a little bit longer than usual to make the tea as he finds himself zoning out a bit, staring off into the middle distance as he once again marvels at his own luck in having Hob in his life. Now, more than ever, he feels like he doesn't deserve him, but he makes a promise to himself to do everything in his power to change that.

With the tea finally made, he places everything on a tray and carries it, without the use of magic, and heads into the living area, placing it down on the coffee table before taking a seat next to Hob. He looks at him almost nervously before he speaks.

"The beard looks really good on you."

Hob feels a bit anxious as he waits for Loki to join him. He rubs the palms of his hands against his thighs. Is he sweating?

Once Loki sits with him and offers the compliment, Hob feels at ease. He smiles sheepishly, a twinkle in his eye as he rubs his beard with his right hand. "I was waiting for you to notice. Got a haircut, too." It's shorter than it used to be and a bit more modern.

With a sigh he reaches for his cup of tea to take a sip. "Mmm. I remember this taste. Your mother's blend?"

Hob's nerves are evident as Loki enters the room again and he knows it is all his fault. He hopes his compliment doesn't seem like he is saying it only to calm Hob's nerves, though he is glad that it seems to accomplish that. Loki has never really fancied himself with a beard, but the one Hob has grown truly is attractive on him. Not that Hob looked bad before, but Loki admits he wants to know what it feels like on his skin.

"I noticed," Loki responds, sheepishly. How could he not have? Hob's whole new look had gotten to him the moment he'd seen him upon his return, but he had been too stubborn to say anything about it. "I always notice you."

An almost shy smile graces Loki's face as he nods before picking up his own cup. "I always find it rather soothing. I was hoping you might feel the same."

Even with the beard, Hob can't hide the slight blush on his face. It's always a wonder to him that he would be noticed. By Loki. By Endless. Or anyone of that sort, really.

The tea is soothing, and Hob nods in agreement. It helps steady him after arriving in this world again and being so worried about their relationship. Having a quiet moment to just sit with Loki and be in his company settles Hob's nerves.

"I, um, there are things I should tell you.” His voice is quiet. “About my life. Since the last time we saw each other." Which for him was two years ago. It pains him that he did not remember the life they shared in Etraya and only recalls it now that he is back.

"First, I was in a pretty serious relationship with someone. Audrey. Not long ago, she was killed, suddenly. There was an accident." He wonders if he should have started with that, but it had to be said at some point. "Loving her doesn't change my love for you, Loki. It doesn’t take anything away from it. But I’m still… dealing with it." And he is still grieving, as a result.

It's a wonder to Loki that Hob doesn't know how special he is. It's never been a surprise to him that the Endless or anyone else of power has noticed him before. There's just something special and good about him that Loki finds himself drawn to. And he counts himself lucky that Hob still wants him in return.

Loki has just begun to relax when Hob speaks again. There's something about what he says that has Loki a bit on edge again. Conversations that start with 'there's something I should tell you' quite often end up meaning 'there's something I should tell you that you won't want to hear.' He does his best not to tense too obviously, but he does find he needs to put his teacup down so it's not at risk of showing how much his hands have begun to shake.

He said he wanted to hear what happened to Hob and he wants to be there for him, and that is exactly what he'll do. No matter what.

And just as he thought, what Hob says is very hard for him to hear. Logically, Loki understands, knows it doesn't mean what they have isn't real and true, but he'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt to hear about Hob having another relationship while he was away. After all, Hob did make it clear that he hadn't remembered Loki at all while he was gone. At the same time, he also feels terrible that Hob has lost someone else he cares about. Loki knows how hard that is, and he wants to comfort him, but he finds it hard to do so.

"I'm sorry," he manages after a moment. His voice comes out rough and a bit shaky. "If you need some space while dealing with your loss, I understand." The whole time he speaks, he's staring at his hands, but after a moment, he manages to look up at Hob, trying his best to be the reliable partner he wants to be, that Hob might need him to be and hopes he is doing a passable job at it.

Hob knows it must be difficult for Loki to learn about someone else. Despite understanding, it still hurts. And yet, Loki is so kind and considerate about it, his words bring Hob to tears. He blinks a few times, denying them, and shakes his head a little.

"Honestly, space is the last thing I want right now." With a deep sigh, Hob reaches to place his hand against Loki's. "Thank you, for being... so good about it. For understanding." Not everyone would have responded as Loki just did. Given Loki's past, it really shows that he's come a long way.

But there's more which Hob has already mentioned. "And, like I said before, my friend, Dream, he’s gone. I don't fully understand it, but I believe he tried to make up for some of his past, and it cost him. It's strange, knowing I won't see him again. His successor is... him, in a way. Different, but he remembers me. Still, I don't think anyone can replace the man I knew."

Difficult is an understatement. As much as Loki has changed, it is still tempting to react badly to the news, but he manages to take a breath and really think about the situation. He can hardly fault Hob for falling in love with someone else when he didn't remember Loki and he is lucky enough to have him back, even if they are still stuck in Etraya.

But really, it's when he notices the tears that all the worry and hurt starts to bleed away. This is all much harder on Hob and Loki cares about him so much that he can't fathom putting more hurt on him. As Hob blinks his tears away and reaches for his hand, Loki reaches back in return, aiming to pull him close, hold him tight and reassure him that he will be here for him.

"It's not easy. I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, but that is not your fault. It is something I need to work on. And really, I want nothing more than to support you, however you need. I guess I really must love you."

Loki sighs and places a kiss to Hob's head. "So you are grieving two people. I am so sorry darling. I wish I could take that pain from you."

As Loki reaches for him, Hob melts easily into his arms, finding comfort in his embrace. The warmth of his body and the sturdiness of his shoulder where Hob rests his head. His cheek rubs against that shoulder as if to remind himself that it's real. This is no dream to wake up from. He's back and Loki is here for him.

"And I love you." He'll say it every day until Loki's jealousy melts like the snow. Loki has also known the pain of losing loved ones, so Hob wouldn't want him to experience it, either. But it's reassuring to know that, anyway.

"It's... what it is. That's life. I never thought someone like him could die, but I suppose death comes for all things, eventually." Including Hob when he sees fit.

This is what he's been missing. Just having Hob close to him is worth so much. It calms him in a way that he's never really experienced before and when Hob had been gone, Loki had worried he may never feel okay again. But that's all better now and what he needs to focus on is returning the feeling. Now he needs to make sure he can help Hob feel better after everything that he's been through while he was gone.

Loki holds him a little tighter in response to his words. He knows Hob loves him, and that his jealousy is unnecessary and with some more time spent together like this, Loki knows he'll feel better about it all.

"There is a cycle to everything," he agrees. Many mortals probably think Loki and his kind live forever, but even he will see his end at some point. Though if he continues to live outside of time, who knows how long that will be. "Even still, that does not mean it doesn't hurt when things come to an end. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know."

Hob smiles a little at Loki's desire to help him. Comfort him. "You're doing it." This is exactly what Hob needed, and he appreciates Loki for just being there. And understanding. Even if it might not be rational, it would be easy to be angry or dismissive, but Loki has come so far, and Hob is proud of him for it.

For the rest of the evening, he just wants to get familiar with his love again. They can cuddle for the rest of the night, and that would be the most healing thing in the world.

Although Hob hadn't expected to meet someone from a past time period, he's happy to assist Mizu with learning about 17th century England if he can. Being a history professor back home, it's hard to pass up the opportunity to talk about it, especially when it involves a moment and place he remembers. It could be their versions of Earth are different, and maybe Mizu won't even remember any of this one day when he returns to his world and time, but learning couldn't do any harm. It's not like they have a lot to do between missions.

After sending a text that he was ready to meet, Hob went to the library at the agreed time. Arriving a bit early, he scours the shelves for a few books, which are brought over to a table for their use. He's flipping through one of them as he waits for Mizu to join him.

After the eternity of a week, it is finally time to meet with the person from close to her own time, to meet with someone who'd been in London close to the time she needs to go there. She suspects he gets out of it something not entirely different from her, if anything—the chance to talk with someone else of their own time. Of this time. Mizu may be from across the world, but he'll get to speak of his home to someone who cares immensely. It makes her feel better to know what he might get out of it because someone helping her for nothing in return, getting nothing from it, cannot be trusted.

She arrives precisely on time, having taken time in the passing days to locate the library and get some sense of it. Having seen a painting of Hob on the tool they all use to send letters back and forth (and to read each other's mail, what remains an unusual feature, like a ledger they all can read), Mizu recognizes the man. She approaches directly and makes a small bow in greeting, as she's used to, but also offers her hand in the English style.

"Hello, I am Mizu." As though there'd be any question.

It's strange coming to Etraya where there are missions and dangers, but it must be even more stressful when the city itself is modern and so different from one's own time period. Hob had the benefit of progressing through history, year after year. Were he plopped down somewhere hundreds of years later, he knows how anxious he would feel.

Not that Mizu seems anxious at all. As Mizu approaches, Hob gets to his feet to greet him. The small bow is returned in a quick, if a bit clumsy gesture, and then the hand is taken with a smile and given a friendly shake.

"Pleased to meet you. Hob Gadling. Sorry to make you wait. I had just returned to Etraya from my home world and had to sort through some things."

Clasping hands with a stranger feels unnatural, but Mizu supposes it's best to get used to such customs here, where any misstep on her part will stand out less. The smile also feels strange, but she's gotten used to the inclination to show teeth in Folkmore.

"Ah, so you spoke of not remembering Etraya from experience, rather than any explanation generally provided to those who ask," Mizu notes. It's worth knowing, but it's not enough to deter her from her path, nor her determination to bring what she's learned in Folkmore and now Etraya back so that she can seek her revenge more easily.

"Your absence must have been distressing for those who care about you. By contrast, I am a stranger, so you're already doing me a favor to meet at all." Mizu may care more about her goals than the well being of anyone in Gadling's life, but she knows the same cannot be said of him. "We may come from opposite sides of the world, but it is a pleasure to meet someone from about the same time period."

Hob doesn't expect Mizu to conform to his customs, but he appreciates the gesture and tries to respectfully return it. Given the task ahead of Mizu, though, learning to blend will certainly help in 17th century England.

"Yes, it's hard to believe I didn't remember any of my time here now that I'm back. It was as if I never left home at all." As for it being distressing, Hob nods with a soft crease to his brow. One person in particular was very upset at his disappearance. Loki can be a bit dramatic when his emotions are heightened, but Hob hopes things have settled between them.

"Please, I'm happy to help. My contributions in this world are limited. I'm not a fighter or a hero, and I don't cast magic or slay monsters. The only thing I'm good at is living, so if my life can help yours, I'll feel as though I've done something."

Hob gestures to the table so Mizu can take a seat, if he'd like. Hob reclaims the chair he was using and seats himself. "So, did you have any questions you wanted to start with?"

An aggravating idea and one Mizu refuses to accept belongs to her. She remembers meeting Vergil in Auriel and the hesitation they each had out of concern the other might not remember them. The idea she could go back to her life, none the wiser and as though none of the past years have happened, well, that's fine for other people. It's not for her. It goes far beyond the hesitation she felt and the consideration of whether or not to let Fowler live a while longer, while he had use. Though that can be washed away readily by meetings with this man. No reason to keep Fowler alive, it's a good feeling.

In Folkmore, it might not have mattered as much not to be a fighter or a hero or make any such contributions. The fox spirit showed her interest in the potential of everyday people. In Etraya, however, they represent their worlds and those worlds' chance of survival. It makes sense to feel like there should be a greater contribution than being a common person living a normal life. A lower class person simply trying to survive. It's not Mizu's place to make him feel like he matters, but she's glad that helping her makes him feel better. It means he might help repeatedly. Surely she cannot learn everything in a single day.

Mizu sits across from Hob and considers what is most important. Blending in matters, but it opens up a wide range of topics that will take a long time to cover. Should Hob leave again (or Mizu), she needs to focus on the most vital pieces of information.

"What are the best ways to track someone down in London?" Mizu asks. "My fathers were rich twenty years ago, and it seems likely they remain wealthy, so tracking down a merchant is of most interest to me. However, I acknowledge my information about them is incredibly limited. So broader advice is also welcome."

Hob is a helpful person in general, so he'd be willing to assist even if he had the powers of a dream lord in Etraya. Plus, it gives him the opportunity to talk to someone new, which often leads to new experiences of some kind, even if that simply lands him a friendly chat about the past.

As Mizu explains what he's thinking, Hob nods a few times and sorts through a couple of the books, pulling a large one from the stack and opening it up. He begins to flip pages, which are full of maps. "Maps have changed over the years, but I remember the districts well enough." Once he finds a map of London, he turns the book around for Mizu to look at.

"So, this river is the Thames. All ships enter from the ocean, on this side, and travel directly into the city. This includes you, if you're sailing into London, and any merchant ships. The boundaries of the river have been moved over the years, but the geography is mostly the same."

His finger slides from the river to an area north of the bank. "There's a few different places a successful merchant might live. If he's still doing business, a lot of them live in any of these northern districts. Houses are bigger but they’re still in the city, so they’ve got close neighbors. Pretty much wall to wall. He'd have enough room for some servants and a garden if he lived here. If he's not actively running a business anymore or just likes to spread out, he might live further out of the city for more land. That would make it a bit harder to narrow down.”

In her previous studies, Mizu found a map from the same century, and she'd put as much of it as possible to memory. However, the information was limited. It told her the layout of the city, the way the Thames river is the heart of the city. It didn't tell her where to find people of interest to her. It's not like her fathers would be in a marketplace in person. They operate at a different level. Hob, having lived there around the right time, lets her narrow down her search. Her gaze burns intently at the districts of interest, the ones that may have her fathers. The urge to go there, now, rises, even as she has no way to act upon the information at this time. It's enormous, and Mizu takes a couple breaths to control it and the need for bloodshed it brings.

The alternative grabs her attention as well. Mizu raises an eyebrow in both surprise and the lack of it. She faced a trial in Folkmore that created a version of London where both she and Vergil existed. His family lived on such an estate, a short ways out of the city. Was that a clue, some amusement of the fox spirit's? Mizu will check both, naturally. She'll have to. Step by step, person to person.

"Thank you," Mizu says, genuinely thankful and not only following etiquette. "What are the best ways to inquire after a merchant or, as useful, are there ways I should avoid? I am not someone of great wealth, so it is not so simple as posing as a customer."

She frowns. "I tracked down my fathers in Japan based on the illegal trade of Western goods they engaged in. In London— They may still engage in trade of drugs, people, and whatever goods are enviable from other places, but that hardly seems to bother England."

It's evident to Hob that Mizu is fueled by strong emotions in this matter, and understandably so. His focus is more on the person in front of him than the maps, which he knows by heart.

His brow lifts at the question. "I'll be honest, you're going to have a tough time as a foreigner if you go around asking questions about rich or powerful men." Hob frowns, giving it some thought, then touches one area of the map on the south side of the river.

"This is where most of the dockworkers are. And here..." He runs his finger along the northern bank, east of London Bridge. "This is where you'd find those down on their luck. A lot of them pick up work on the docks to make a bit of money. If you had at least two coins to rub together, you could try fishing some information out of them or posing as a worker yourself to snoop around."

Hob's finger taps the map in thought, then moves further east on the north bank. "If a merchant were bringing in a small, illegal item, it might get smuggled through without being noticed, but if it's a lot and regular, someone here at the Customs House would have to know about it and likely be taking bribes to get the ships past inspection."

Though entirely expected, the immediate reaction brings out an angry grimace. It reminds Mizu of her first attempts at getting information about illegal trade. Greed wasn't enough to tempt those who were part and parcel of it. A threat to that system, whether that came from the legal system or someone like Mizu, was a threat to them. It nearly cost her her life, all because she didn't expect that violent of a reaction on the side of a white man. In London, there will only be more reason for people to side with her fathers rather than her. She doesn't have qualms about killing who she must to reach them, especially those directly in her way, those whose deaths bring her a step closer. However, it also risks bringing attention her way that she doesn't want. That's one reason she doesn't kill every despicable person she crossed paths with on the way to her father. There isn't time for all that, not if she wants to succeed.

Fortunately, Hobb keeps talking. These ideas are useful. Those not paid enough to be loyal to someone are often open to bribes. She may need to work and build up funds before she can buy all the information she needs, but as Hobb says, she can also pick up work on the docks herself. That's not enough to bribe people with, but it will get her something. Mizu may also find some work for a blacksmith or something less savory. Whatever she has to.

"I expect London cares little for foreign currency. I'll have to exchange it with a ship captain of those few allowed trade with Japan... and make more. No captain will give me a fair deal for it either," Mizu grouses. It's a whole slew of problems. However, she's known that for two years now. It's only that she was returning to do it. It's only that talking with someone from London from her time makes it feel so much more real.

"Is the Customs House purely bureaucrats? If I can figure out who accepts bribes, that would be a strong lead. There's no reasons my fathers should respect their own country's laws when they don't respect mine. Money, power, it makes people think they can do anything and get away with it." Too much of the time they can. They do. Fowler claimed Routley and Skeffington live quietly, but that hardly means they follow the law. "I want to get eyes on the Customs House."

Whatever she does, it will take time. She'll have to make her way in that world, as foreign to her as Etraya is. It's only a different kind of foreign. It might go faster with Fowler's help, but that comes at the price of letting him live, at least a while longer. Mizu says, "I probably need to learn English."

Hob does not envy Mizu the daunting task ahead of him. He'll be a stranger in a strange land where everything is going against him, and he's not going to receive a friendly welcome. London has plenty of people who would sooner try to stick Mizu than listen to what he has to say, even if they don't work for Mizu's father.

He nods at the question. "There's always some security but yeah, it's mostly paper pushers." The Customs House shouldn't be dangerous, Hob would think.

The last statement gets a wry and sympathetic smile from Hob. Goodness, Mizu has his work cut out for him. Hopefully, he's a fast learner. "If you can find the Dutch trading vessels, you might be able to locate someone who speaks your language that can help." Since there were translators that sailed with Dutch companies, who were still permitted to do business in Japan.

A shrug follows. "And if you remember any of this and think I can be of aid, I was generally on the north bank with the rest of the dregs during those years. Came into some hard luck, so I might not be so trusting."

He thinks for a moment. "It's possible, of course, we come from different universes, and I don't even exist in yours. If you do lay eyes on me and say we have a 'mutual friend', one who dresses black as night at the Whitehorse tavern, I'd probably help you. I looked a little different back then, though."

Learn English. Talk with the dock workers and become one. Identify Customs Houses taking bribes. Break into them to look at the records. Possibly threaten a worker or two for more information, potentially having to kill them. Learn where her fathers live. Break in. Kill them. Get out. Killing one will make it harder to locate and kill the other. From the crime gathering attention of the English to alerting the other man. If it's possible to learn about both before killing either, that may make it easier. Strike twice in quick succession.

It's a grand idea, but Mizu doubts it will be that easy. She doesn't know how long she'll have to stay in England to accomplish her goal. What if Fowler lied? Or was wrong? He stayed in Japan these decades. It's possible he kept in touch with Routley and Skeffington, but it's equally possible he did not and his information is decades old. Yet Mizu has far more information, both general and about England, than before, than when she started her revenge. Mizu rubs at her wrist, where the tattoo marking Violet's death is underneath her clothes. One down, one one the verge of death, and two to go.

"The Dutch speak English?" Mizu asks. It makes sense they are the most likely to speak Japanese. The English, everyone else, has so little contact with Japan it wouldn't be worth it. Even those who worked for Fowler to bring guns to Japan might not need to speak Japanese, not beyond one or two people. She doesn't want to have to learn Dutch as well as English. At least here, she can learn directly.

The offer, the advice, on how to get Hob's help amazes Mizu. Yes, as he says, they may not be from the same world. She may not be able to find him, but to tell her how to get his aid, should he be there, it... amazes her. Mizu aims to murder powerful, rich men, and he offers his aid to her, a near stranger. It could put his life at risk. Mizu has no qualms about putting his life at risk, but it surprises her he doesn't.

"A decade or so younger, yes?" Mizu smiles, imagining Hob a young man down on his luck. Poorer, hungrier, worse dressed. She can imagine that easily enough. Even so, Mizu takes a good long look at him to commit his features to memory, so that she remembers him not only as some white man but a particular one she can identify. The nose, the dark brows. The facial hair may be different, but she notes it nonetheless.

"Who is the mutual friend?" Mizu asks curiously. It also behooves her to know more in case it becomes relevant. The younger Hob may want more than that.

"The Dutch speak money, so merchants are more likely to speak other languages or hire those who do." How does one properly do business, otherwise? "Plenty of Dutch traders speak English and a couple other European languages, too." Even if the language barrier can be overcome, Hob knows Mizu has a lot of other problems to deal with in this quest for revenge.

When it comes to helping Mizu, Hob doesn't intend to do anything stupid (which could always happen anyway), but having a point of contact would be useful, he's sure.

There's a smile and a soft laugh when Mizu asks about his age. "Not so much, actually. I haven't aged in over six hundred years." He thinks about that as he strokes the hairs on his chin. "Oh, I didn't have a beard back then." He knows Mizu is probably going to remember what he looks like.

As for the friend, Hob shakes his head. "Back then, I didn't know his name, but he's responsible for my longevity, you might say."

Merchant is one of the paths to greatness, but Mizu has little love of them. Too many of them put human life and suffering as simple categories to account for. The better ones see some value in minimizing it, but generally it's only a matter of cost. Dead people have to be replaced. Injured ones lose efficiency or value. Regardless, such people will exist, and Mizu cannot do anything about most of it. Nothing effective, at least. Her fathers, that is a goal she can accomplish, one worth achieving. The rest are someone else's problem.

She's still thinking about all the barriers she faces—and knowing them is better than not, they can be planned for—when Hob gives his answer. It takes a moment to register, and Mizu looks up from the map to consider him yet again. Mizu looks him over closely, but nothing in his appearance speaks to hundreds of years of life. Perhaps his eyes look old, but people get that age through hardship not years. It can come in a short time.

"Some friend, to curse you to such a life," Mizu comments. The fact Hob was among those down on his luck and earning his own keep day to day shows that such longevity did not come with much else by means of care for Hob's well being. Mizu hardly imagines hundreds of years of hard life to be a blessing. Many people find what relief they can the company of others, but that is a loss guaranteed far more for Hob than someone else. No matter how strong the relationship, no matter how loyal the person, he would lose them. She shakes her head.

Hob wishes he could say he was a better man, but he was a pretty shitty merchant at one point in his life, too, and he's lived with the guilt of that for hundreds of years. The only thing he can do is strive to do better.

Although he has lived through many hardships and heartbreaks, there's still a gentle humor in his deep brown eyes. The kind that comes from experience and perspective.

There's a chuckle at Mizu's criticism of Hob's friend. "I was granted an immortal life but the freedom to make my own mistakes. I'm afraid I have to take full credit for myself and what happened to me back then." Mizu would be correct to assume Hob has lost many people, however. Friends. Family. Eventually, he has to let them all go.

"But that's the same for all of us, isn't it? Sometimes, we're responsible for our lot in life and other times, it's just.. I don't know, fate?"

"Was immortal life one of the mistakes you freely made?" Mizu asks. It is a mistake, in Mizu's opinion. She hopes Hob remains capable of dying, even if he's capable of living so long. It would be a true torture to live with no chance of a reprieve. He's lived... however long he's lived. Too long for a human. Perhaps he's come to terms with it or told himself as much. Even if that's a lie, Mizu has no reason to pierce it.

"Fate is a fancy way to say it's due to other people's choices," Mizu notes. She doesn't argue it. Plenty in her life has come from other people's decisions. They simply don't stop her, not since the cabin burned down and she swore her oath of revenge. Mizu's made her own choices since then, no matter what ones other people make. She thinks of Vergil and recognizes that her choices have changed, some, but that remains her choice, her decisions. What remains because of others (Mizu's aware the fact she and Hob are here in this library is one of them), she handles. Mizu will not even abdicate her responsibility to her mother, when her mother asked her to change her path. Mizu chose it. All the decisions she's made, good and bad, they're hers.

She glances back down at the map. "Our choices are our own. I've done my fair share of hard and lowly work to get by. I'm no rich merchant judging you for where you are or were."

Hob laughs with amusement at the question. "Wasn’t exactly planned. Imagine my surprise when everyone else started getting old and I didn't. Took me a hundred years to discover what happened to me, and even then, I never knew the full story until recently."

There's a note of fondness in Hob's voice. "Still, I see it as a blessing. Life's an adventure, even when it goes on longer than expected." And that’s how Hob sees it, even if the Endless who bet against him didn't anticipate Hob would want to want to live forever. Perhaps a truly sane person would not wish it.

Hob looks down at the map, and in those lines he sees the past and the changes that have unfolded over hundreds of years. There are moments when he looks back and feels sorrow for the times and people he’s lost. There is much about the old ways of the world that Hob prefers. He misses how life used to be compared to the modern age, but there is wonder to be found in advancing years, as well.

"I've lived as both a rich man and a poor man. I prefer the man I am now."

Imagine his surprise. Mizu imagines a tragedy, the heartbreak of slowly losing everyone he cared for no matter how strong and good of relationships he had. It's enough to make her heart race. Mizu is nowhere near a century old, but she's lost most people she's had in her life. Some to death, yes, but not to natural deaths at the end of one's life. There's always been some degree of fucking up, on someone's part (often Mizu's), and that ends things. It hurts to lose people in a way she could not put into words, and Hob... Hob lost everyone, no matter what he did. No matter how right he did his relationships. That seems a cruelty Mizu's never imagined before. It's a curse she's never imagined wishing upon a person.

Yet here he stands speaking of it as fondly as others do riches or power. Long has Mizu prayed at shrines to get her revenge or to be allowed to die. Even now that she has something else to live for, she cannot imagine what Hob describes. Life as an adventure? She shakes her head a little. The only comfort comes in knowing Hob is strange in his own way, not nearly as normal as he seems. Perhaps that's even why he's comfortable helping Mizu find her revenge. He's seen so many people die, what is it to him that she kills her fathers?

That's what matters, in the end, that he'll help her. Whoever, whatever, Hob has become, that is his own business. Not that it stops her from asking more questions.

"What kind of man are you now?"

Hob may be far from normal, but perhaps that is also why Death granted him immortality and why Endless noticed him to begin with. Hob has experienced a great deal of loss, all of it painful. He remembers many loved ones he cherished who are gone now. Some died naturally, others had their lives cut short. But never him. And yet, when asked if he's ready to die, even when things were at their lowest, Hob believed he had so much to live for.

The question gets a smile as he glances down to the table with its books and maps, then back up to Mizu's eyes again. "The kind that wants to help you," he says gently. "It sounds like you were deeply wronged. I hope you get the chance to put it right."

The answer is the one Mizu deserves. Anything else is Hob's business. It's fortunate enough, for her, that Hob both can and wants to help her. That's what she should focus on, not his strange avoidance of death so many men would be jealous of but Mizu believes sounds like a punishment worse than death. It's not her place to judge, save that she can and being a person naturally does.

"I wasn't the only one, but I'm the one they failed to kill," Mizu says, eyes back on the table. Her finger traces between the Thames and the neighborhoods Hob mentioned before. She's put everything he's told her about London to memory. So often, once is the only chance she gets to learn something. She will not grow lazy here.

"If you are amenable, I would love to pick your brain about everything you know of these places and the people in them," Mizu says with a grin.

Hob blinks in surprise as Mizu expresses a desire to have further conversations. Luckily, history is one of Hob's favorite subjects. Naturally, his inside perspective can't be matched by records and books, though it would be nice if his students back home recognized this a little more often than they checked their phones in class. His immortality is a well-guarded secret in his own world, but he thinks his insight makes his lectures more interesting at the university where he works.

"Of course." An easy smile appears. "I'd be happy to talk more about it. Any time you'd like to continue our chat, just reach out."

Mizu hardly thinks she can learn everything useful for her from Hob in a single conversation. She may not even think of all she should learn from him today, only discovering the right questions over time as she answers other questions. Already, she has topics to investigate, though she's unsure about the quality of this library for information on the topic of interest to her. Hob's ability to find and to share these books and maps is a promising start.

"Thank you," Mizu says earnestly. "I will do so."

And with ease, given the instant delivery of letters without need of a known physical address.

you are alive; so live (closed and open)

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