etrayalogs | MISSION 011 Sidelogs

[ Clea is uncertain whether she agrees with Setsu's assessment. Setsu does understand much more than Clea, but Clea is aware that people (even ones in robot bodies) don't always act rationally. It's possible this is a trap of some sort. But if it is, what could she hope to do about it? Clea's eyes slant in displeasure. She has never enjoyed being helpless, unlike her younger sister, who seems to revel in it. In being taken care of.

Trust can be a fool's game, but they appear to have no choice.

The appearance of the woman on the screen makes Clea step backwards. She's seen films, of course, but films are not alive. Don't talk to you about strange networks (is this network like the Etrayan network?) and expect you to respond. How can she track movement? Is that real?

Clea looks over at Setsu for confirmation before looking back at the film woman. ]

Who is they and why are they coming back?

[ She's not going to say 'you're welcome' as she didn't do anything. Clea finds it odd the screen woman is so cheerful now. If she's in the screen, won't she still be here if 'they' come back?

If 'they' are coming back, they may not have time to waste. It would be prudent to get straight to the point. ]

You're welcome. [ Setsu says it, at least. They exchange a look with Clea, and Setsu's expression doesn't change. Surveillance... If that's all they have, then that will have to be enough.

After that, Setsu turns their head to scan the room, taking inventory of their space and if any visual changes have occurred. Clea has asked the more pertinent questions, and Setsu wants to hear the answers. ]

Um... well, it's some of my old colleagues.

[ She sounds hesitant and awkward about it, like she's revealing something embarrassingly personal. As she speaks, some of the other terminals in the room flicker to life, on and off, Catherine checking their systems are operational. It all moves very quickly, the processing speed of a computer rather than a person. ]

They've been infected by the Warden Unit, the WAU? It's programmed to preserve human life, and it's gotten a little overenthusiastic about that, if you catch my drift.

[ It's startling to watch the screens come to life and die with seemingly no outside interaction: Clea doesn't know how that is happening, and she greatly dislikes not understanding the world around her. Nor does she understand what an infection has to do with anything.

Another look at Setsu. ]

Can bots get sick?

[ Aren't bots like rocks? Inert metal? How would they become infected? Infections required organic material.

Clea looks back at the screens. ]

Is this related to why Amy said nothing was allowed to die?

[ Setsu's grateful that Clea doesn't ask what the "Warden Unit" is because Setsu has no clue. They can, however, nod in response to whether or not bots can get sick. ]

Yeah. Their "minds" can be infected so they break down or behave inappropriately. [ That's the easiest way to explain it, especially considering that's a possibility for the two of them as well.

But what Clea suggests... Setsu wonders about that, too. They fold their arms in thought and look back at the static face on the screen. ]

I don't know what the Warden Unit is, but... Is it possible to disable your former colleagues?

[ Can bots get sick is such a bizarre question to Catherine there's a whole moment's pause before she responds. ]

Not remotely, if that's what you're thinking. Amy? Amy Azzaro? How did you--

[ She goes quiet again, this time with a different quality to it, solemnity instead of awkwardness. Somehow what she says still comes out overly blunt. ]

You mean another Amy, not the original one. She's dead.

[ 'Not the original one'. Four words, yet they have a striking impact on Clea. If this form had blood, it would be running cold. 'Another Amy'. She crosses her metal arms in clear hostility and discomfort. ]

She didn't provide a surname. We found her in the vessel near here. The one that was on its way here but was destroyed.

Explain. What do you mean 'the original one'?

[ So, it's what Setsu suspected might be the case. If the Amy being discussed is the same person, then her original body was already gone by the time they found her. (And now, her consciousness is gone for good... There was no saving her, Setsu reminds themself. They won't think about that anymore. Now's not the time for it.)

The idea of transferring one's consciousness to escape the inevitability of death isn't foreign to Setsu. It's not normal, but compared to Clea, they accept this whole thing quite easily.

Though, it can't be that Clea simply can't wrap her head around the concept. Setsu's eyes drift over to her. For Clea to react this emotionally, something about this struck some kind of chord with her.

Setsu says nothing, allowing for Catherine to answer Clea's question, but they're less concerned about that and more about how they'll handle her colleagues if they suddenly appear but can't be disabled. ]

[ The awkwardness returns with a vengeance. Clea might not appreciate how there's a too-long pause before Catherine responds, like she's waiting to make sure she's asking that question, double-checking her memory, before answering it. ]

... You know you're a human consciousness in a robot body, right?

[ This is a very legitimate question for Catherine. She has to check. Because if she doesn't know, if she's convinced she's still fully human in form as well as mind, this is a pointless conversation to have.

Clea wouldn't be the first one by far. ]

Yes, I understand that I'm human and currently inhabiting this form. It isn't one I'd choose: I prefer flesh or intangible forms.

[ Clea can't pretend that she likes this form. It lacks any feeling of life, and not in a way that she finds interesting. There's a lack of bodily feedback, and she can tell there are no instincts in this form. It's an empty shell, not a form conducive to experiencing the world in a new way. She's experiencing the world the same way, just with less information. ]

Anyway, [ be that as it may ] how does this usually work? Were our consciousnesses transferred to these bodies because our real ones... [ died ] are gone?

[ Or maybe there's no rhyme or reason, or maybe she doesn't know anything about their situation. But if this is usually done to avoid death...that would make a lot of sense.

At some point, they need to tell her about Amy, too, but not yet. ]

[ There's a tone of immense relief to her voice as she answers. Also, preferring an intangible form is totally sensible to Catherine, who is currently inhabiting the station systems and therefore more or less intangible. ]

Oh, good. That makes this much easier.

[ And here's Setsu asking the sensible questions, which puzzles Catherine a little in that they clearly don't already know what's going on, but it's easy enough to explain. She understands that things can be confusing in these circumstances for most people, even if they should factually understand from prior knowledge. ]

You were copied, of course. No death necessary. Not that I ever intended for anyone to meet themselves -- that would be weird -- but it's not like your data file needs to be installed on a cortex chip and activated right away. It was meant to be just in case, but the WAU took it a lot further.

[ "You were copied, of course." Clea's reaction is immediate and visceral despite the lack of instincts in this body: She steps backwards several steps, shakes her metal head, and crosses her arms. Then she uncrosses them. No. She's not a copy. Her body is out there and waiting for her return, just as it is whenever her mind leaves. ]

No. I'm the actual Clea.

[ Her voice lacks its usual confidence, dropping in volume as she remembers another time, another Clea. One who had said those words to her, face full of confusion and then rage. Looking into her own eyes, her own eyebrows furrowed. Her own defensive posture.]

Where is my body? Tell me. I did not give permission for this!

[ Whatever 'WAU' is, she's going to destroy it. ]

[ Setsu's eyes narrow in thought as they process that information. Their consciousnesses were copied, but they only exist as static data until installed on a cortex chip (which...might still leave them in a static state, actually), and something called the WAU forced them into the bodies they and Clea are currently in. It's a lot to take in, and the implications are distressing in a way that Setsu can't begin to explain before Clea's reaction seizes their attention instead.

Setsu looks between Clea and Catherine, and ultimately keeps themself positioned in the middle, just in case, before looking back to Catherine.

In a harsh tone: ]

She's right—this shouldn't have been possible in the first place. Neither of us agreed to this... What backups of our data exist?

[ Frankly, Clea's reaction is entirely justified, and if she's upset now, the possibility of this incident repeating itself needs to be addressed. (And Setsu, they haven't even begun to process their own feelings and the existential nature of two copies of their single consciousness existing.) ]

[ It is a lot all at once, but from Catherine's perspective, pretty much all of it is old news and should not be received with this much fanfare. In any case, it's just facts; she doesn't understand why it provokes an intense emotional reaction. She feels immediately taken aback and very stressed out by the strident tone of their questioning.

The image on the screen of her face remains the same, utterly unchanging, even as her tone of voice veers toward distressed and defensive. ]

It's not my fault! Don't yell at me, I don't even know how you got here. There wasn't anyone named Clea on PATHOS-II. [ It was a small research and industrial facility, so Catherine is utterly confident of that, and she couldn't have scanned anyone else. ]

You're still you, it's not like you're any different.

[ Catherine thinks this is reassuring. ]

I am not me, and I am different. I am trapped in a body of metal and wires with no ability to Paint!

[ The capital letter is somehow very present, and the film woman's distress does little to dissuade Clea's anger. Don't tell her to calm down! They have very clear feelings about replications: They're disrespectful and violating. Her existence is wrong. It's a violation. Unlike her mother, Clea feels no warmth or concern to temper her anger at this invasion. Her consciousness and memories are not for other people to use.

For anyone.

Clea wants to scratch at her arms, but she doesn't have fingernails, doesn't have flesh to dig into. ]

Figure it out.

[ Because something had clearly gone very wrong. Clea looks over at Setsu, eyes on the screen still angled in fury. ]

We need to destroy it. You said 'data backups'. We need to destroy them.

[ No more of this. No more of her, of this... this perversion. ]

[ Although Setsu, to a degree, understands Clea's anger, lashing out like this won't get them anywhere. They hold up a hand, signaling for them both to stop. ]

Wait. If we get too heated, we'll lose track of what's important. Our enemy may return at any time. Let's stay on track.

[ Turning to Catherine: ] This is confusing to all of us. I never even heard of the PATHOS-II... But even if this isn't your fault, next time, you might end up having all the blame laid on you. Let's eliminate that possibility here. Since you're in the system now, please locate any files that contain the consciousnesses of people you're unfamiliar with and destroy them.

[ From the way she said, "there wasn't anyone named Clea on PATHOS-II," it doesn't seem like there should be an assortment of consciousness being stored.

Turning to Clea, Setsu sets their voice softer. ]

So this doesn't happen to you, again, either. Clea... Even if you're different, you're still Clea, and your original body should still exist. Let's find it, and find a way to set this right.

[ Setsu isn't sure what "Paint" is, with the way she says it—and they're not artistic enough to guess—but they get what she means with the way these robotic bodies are distinctly different and not theirs. This body, it's too large, too expressionless, too tireless... Maybe it should be seen as an improvement for them, but it feels a little like an insult. ]

[ The capital letter might be audible to other people, but not to Catherine, who struggles to pick up on tone half the time to start with. What she takes away from this is that this person is extremely upset they can no longer do art as a robot. She's not sure where she'd find art supplies down here, anyway -- this is a scientific installation -- but Catherine decides that is not likely to be a productive line of conversation to go down.

At least Setsu is being reasonable, though Catherine is still stressed out and upset that other people are blaming her for something that is not her fault. ]

It doesn't work that way, [ she says tersely. ] Normal computing resources aren't sophisticated enough to store a whole person -- you need a cortex chip. If there are other copies of you then they won't be anywhere I could find on this server, and the network is down.

I'm sorry you don't like your current existence, but there's nothing we can do about it. I didn't ask to wake up here, either.

[ She was supposed to be on the ARK. She was supposed to be somewhere else, a virtual paradise, or nowhere at all -- and Catherine doesn't know what happened. ]

[ While Clea has a knee-jerk desire to snap at Setsu, to tell them to stop telling her to calm down, she muffles it as Setsu has a point. Strategically, they don't know where their enemies are. Or who they are. Although she doesn't snap, Clea isn't the type to hold her tongue completely. ]

You're right that's important, but this is also important. It is simply less urgent.

[ "Even if you're different, you're still Clea, and your original body should still exist." Clea can tell Setsu is making an attempt to pacify her and it feels...strange. Why would they do that? What does it matter to them how Clea feels, so long as she doesn't become a liability?

Either way, she's wrong. Clea shakes her head. ]

I'm not the same. You can't copy people: They aren't the same, no matter how much you want them to be.

[ She is a copy, and a different person than the original Clea. ]

If my body still exists, so does the woman inside of it. She would not be happy to know of my existence.

[ Clea herself is not happy to know of it. She's pleased to not have a stomach, because at least that means it isn't queasy at the knowledge that she's a perversion made not to experience agency or individuality. To serve someone else's whims instead of her own.

She wants to breathe, to calm herself down, but she can't. There are no lungs. No flesh and bone to connect herself to, to ground herself in. The movements she makes bring her no calm. She isn't Clea. She can't be Clea. She's just a robot who thinks she's a woman. ]

There is no 'right'. This is all wrong. I should not exist.

[ She doesn't want to be here, in this strange place under the sea where there are no tastes and smells, surrounded by metal and film women and strange terms she doesn't understand. There is no life here. What is the point?

Why does she want to live when there's no point and there's no 'life' for it?

Clea goes quiet, shutting her screen off, and sits on the ground. They can decide whatever they want. There's no future for her anyway. Even if there are enemies, who cares? The person she's worried about isn't her family: She's Clea's family. She doesn't have a family. ]

[ Sorry to Catherine, who is also upset and somewhere she doesn't want to be. Setsu looks over at her, but that's all they do. They think, If the network is down, then we might need to restore it first. And there might be a cache of cortex chips containing more of them, but Setsu doubts the resources would be wasted like that.

Clea might be right that what she's worried about is less urgent, but she's now making her problem much more urgent instead. Setsu simply isn't heartless enough to ignore someone in her state... ]

Clea.

[ Setsu kneels down beside her, facing her. They'll keep saying her name, because it is her name. ]

If you hate existing like this, I can take your cortex chip out. This body would stop functioning, and if I destroy your chip, you'll stop existing, too... Is that really what you want?

[ They killed Amy. They could kill Clea. It's just that, Amy was beyond saving, but Clea isn't. ]

It is wrong that you were copied, but... To me, it feels more like you and the other Clea are both real. You know about different universes, right? There are countless different versions of yourself out there, and all of them are still the "real Clea." The difference is that, somehow, you ended up here, and she ended up there. Like two universes intersecting. The fact this place is unfamiliar to you, and we don't know how we ended up like this, makes that even more likely that there are multiple universes involved here...

[ Setsu flips their palm up, in some kind of gesture like they're supposed to be showing her something, but there's nothing there. As Setsu expected... ]

Besides, to be honest, if you weren't really Clea, I feel like you wouldn't care about this at all...

[ Catherine could say a lot of things here, but for the moment she says absolutely nothing. This feels really personal and emotional, and she's aware she tends to just make those sorts of conversations worse.

Even if what she really wants to do is protest that there's nothing lesser about this existence... She'd made sure of it. ]

[ Clea hadn't expected Setsu to keep talking to her. What she'd expected was that Setsu would declare her a lost cause and leave her be. Why aren't they? Wonderful. Now she's wasting Setsu's time. This body is a waste and she's a waste. There is no need for another Clea. For a worse Clea, who cannot even do the things that make a Clea worth keeping around? She supposes she might be useful for manual labor in this form.

Does that mean she should die? Does she want to? She doesn't know. Part of her shouts 'no', but is that truly her or does she only think that because the real Clea doesn't want to die?

Clea keeps her display off, but turns to face Setsu with blank eyes. ]

I don't know. What is a life without feeling?

[ In a form like this? No food and drink to warm the stomach, no friends to laugh with. No art to make, no dances to master. A great nothingness.

As a matter of fact, Clea does not understand any idea of how the multiverse works, and having it sprung on her that there are infinite versions of herself is something she finds more distressing, not less. ]

If there are infinite versions of me - her, then none of us matter.

[ They're replaceable, like stones next to a river. Or electric lightbulbs. ]

I have her memories. That doesn't mean that those memories are real. I care about things because I was made to care about things.

[ Setsu learned a lot in the military academy. History, strategy, risk reduction, combat, and the specialized knowledge needed to work in Special Forces.

How to handle a person from over a thousand years ago undergoing an existential crisis was not among any of their training nor something they learned in the field. Setsu feels a bit like they did the first time someone had pushed a baby in their arms and told them to "watch her for a minute." It's awkward and mildly distressing, and they can't act as awkward and distressed as they feel. Thankfully, Clea is not an infant, so she's much less distressing to deal with, and it's very easy to act calm when your face is just a white screen with two black dots. ]

... Let's take this one step at a time, okay? Learning all of this suddenly is already overwhelming. [ It is too bad that breathing techniques are impossible. Even speaking in a calm voice can only do so much. ] And, you're right, there's no way to know if your memories may have been tampered with, but I don't think there would be any purpose to it. Usually, things like that would be done to force compliance, right? But you're still able to think for yourself, and you're still able to feel. The way you are right now would be something inconvenient to others...but it's what makes you human, despite your form.

[ Is this helping, hurting...? Clea seems like the type who responds to logic...which is also the only way Setsu knows how to handle emotions. ]

Anyway... It's not quite right to say that all the versions of you don't matter. Within your own universes, you're still the only Clea, and if you were removed from those universes, you would be gone for good... And, you're actually more familiar with this than you think. You must have heard of or experienced people in Etraya leaving and then returning without memories or as slightly different people. That's also due to the fact that different universes exists. For instance... If Alex left, and then when she returned, she didn't remember us, it's less that she "forgot us" and more that the Alex that left and the Alex that returned are from different universes. They're the same person, but not the same existence.

... Does that makes sense for you? Our own situation is probably closer to that than it is to simply "being copied."

[ Setsu hopes that makes sense to her. They'll let her digest that before trying to tackle "What is a life without feeling?" Which, honestly, she probably needs to find the answer to on her own... ]

[ Clea's screen remains blank. The only useful thing about this form is that she doesn't need to give away any of her feelings if she does not wish to. How does she even have feelings? Does she even have feelings? There are no muscles to tense, no eyes to sting, no chest to constrict. Only a never-ending blankness. Only thoughts, which she thinks might be a reflection of emotions, chasing themselves in her mind like an ouroboros. ]

Not only for compliance.

[ Her voice box is quiet. ]

For realism. Or to see if it could be done.

Are we feeling? Do you feel or do you think?

[ Those are not the same. This metal is lifeless, and knowing it isn't a simple diversion makes that hard to bear. It is less interesting and more of a trap.

Wanting to be human and having memories of being human doesn't make her human. It makes her delusional. Clea wonders what memories she's missing, if any, like her. Which parts of Clea were edited and smoothed away to make this easier and more palatable for whomever copied them. She wouldn't know. Why would they leave her the memory of her and her altered memories without giving Clea the means to know which memories are missing? Is this how she felt when she learned what she was? Why she was made?

Clea barely hears Setsu's explanation, but the words do register. She understands, but it isn't less distressing. ]

If there are infinite universes, what do ours matter?

[ The still blank screen does at least move to look at Setsu, though Clea keeps her display off. ]

No. I never saw that.

[ She hadn't been in Etraya long. At least that she remembers. Who knows if that's real? Who knows if Etraya is real? Maybe the memories had been put inside of them. ]

Why do you think that's what happening? People can be copied - that I find it distressing has no bearing on which is more likely.

[ It's telling of the state of information sharing in Etraya that Clea still doesn't know about people leaving and returning... That's something to address on a larger scale in the future. Right now, it ultimately doesn't seem that important. When she's so far in her head like this, Setsu feels at a loss. No matter what you tell someone, sometimes, the thought is stuck there until proven otherwise; Setsu can't say that's strange, or even that they're necessarily different.

It's just that, here, it's not really a matter that can be proven or disproven. It's philosophical. Which...isn't really something Setsu delves into much... ]

Sorry, I'm not really good at this... [ A small, awkward confession before they continue in a more even tone. ] I'm not saying these things because I think they're more or less likely to distress you. I'm saying them because it's important to understand.

But right now, even if I can try to explain my perspective more clearly, I don't know if that will actually address your worries... Those seem to be more important at the moment. Besides, if you've already decided that the existence of multiple universes already lowers the worth of all of those realities, then I don't think it will really matter, anyway. We can save it for when we have the time to talk about it.

[ Something for Setsu's growing "to do, at better time" list. Setsu already tends to put their feelings aside, and now is no different: Their display hasn't changed since this conversation began. ]

I can understand questioning whether you're actually feeling something or only thinking that you're feeling something, but I don't think you'll get a satisfying answer from anyone but yourself. You'd probably need to decide what the distinction between the two even is... I guess...maybe you should consider what you hope to find by asking these questions, because I don't think there's any objective truth to uncover.

[ The same way there's no objective truth to every world and every life holding value. ]

MISSION 011 Sidelogs

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