etrayalogs | [closed] i've been wandering through the echoes

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[closed] i've been wandering through the echoes

WHO: Vincent Smith and Maria.
WHEN: After the network thread with Maria.
WHERE: Corrine's Cafe.
WHAT: Just two besties talking about their deep personal thoughts. Or when you're so in your own head, you need to go to Vincent to get out.
NOTES\WARNINGS: Silent Hill 3 and Silent Hill 2 Remake spoilers. Will add if there are more.

[ As adamant as Vincent is against owing a debt to anyone or anything, he doesn't particularly mind ordering a cup of black coffee at the cafe.

One, since he's become aware the bots can be creative with recipes, he feels safe in asking. Two, the cost of the coffee is, in his opinion, paid off with his presence in the shop. If he didn't show up there, they would be manning an empty shop otherwise, right? Right.

It is the argument that he has prepared for anyone, but no one will presumably ask him. However, the day he doesn't have an argument prepared for why he is doing something is the day he feels comfortable with the people around him.

In short, it is never going to happen.

He sits at his table, legs crossed, and uses the handle of the cup to spin his coffee. His head lifts when he notes movement and he dramatically raises his arm like Maria wouldn't be able to find him otherwise. And he greets her as usual: ]

Hiya, Maria.

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I think if we had that tea then we would probably regret it. [she still hated that she had let Vincent know they were from the same world. it felt like he knew too much. but James was so quick to let people know too much, it probably wouldn't have taken long at all anyway. still, she would have liked things to be on her own terms. for once, at least.]

Listening to others or actually talking about yourself? [she assumes the former. though Vincent had never seemed to have issue discussing things he probably shouldn't. he'd easily discussed things he probably shouldn't have. some of that might have been thanks to the tea but Vincent did things the way he wanted to do them. it wouldn't surprise her if he didn't see anything off with how he talked.]

Well, you're the gentleman. So you should show me how it's done. What's going on in that head of yours?

Possibly.

[ He didn't enjoy sharing information with others he would otherwise keep close to the chest, but it did lead him to get insight into others. It also allowed him to reevaluate the net worth of some investments he first saw as low returns. Like Castiel. ]

Listening to others. I helped quite a few people with their internal struggles. [ Of course, after they were helped, they complained that he only had his position because he was good at talking. The area around his eyes twitches abruptly. He lifts his hand, dipping his fingers underneath the glass frame to rest his fingertips on the skin until it stops. ]

Anyway -- [ It's something he shared with Heather but he isn't sure how seriously she took him. But should he start with that? No. ] -- immortality is considered taboo in the Order. Eternal life is its own reward, of course. But immortality is a punishment given by God.

[ He uses the back of his hand to gently push his glasses up. ]

So, that's a few of my little thoughts.

[she doesn't hide the confusion on her face. it takes her a moment to even figure out what this train of thought might be about and then she clearly understands.]

You're wondering if this is a punishment? [from personal experience, she would say it was. being killed and reborn and killed and reborn...to come here? yes, it seemed like a punishment.

but then does that mean Vincent wonders if he's done something to be worthy of punishment? is there a conscience in this man?]

I did everything by the doctrine. [ Is what he starts with in his answer. ] However, half-measures can't be rewarded especially given the result. [ He decides to be honest on that front. Maria isn't religious so he sees no harm in saying as much. It probably sounds like idle whinging. ]

Penance and punishment look the same on the outside.

[ What is it that Heather said? Three chances. This is his second to make sure things don't spiral out of control; he's done everything he can to keep her and someone else who is apparently also a vessel that can hold the divine safe. ]

[the last thing she was expecting Vincent to admit to was that maybe he had not been the most dedicated to his faith. all he did was talk about his religion, every single conversation she's had with him as always come back to it.

and yet, he was only human. just one man.]

For what it's worth, and I'm assuming not much considering how little I know, shouldn't it be expected that you would make mistakes? Don't most religions have that small text for this reason? We sin, we do horrible things, and we are flawed. Isn't that why we're supposed to worship a greater power? [she thinks, anyway. she is so out of her comfort zone and she cannot believe she's trying to comfort Vincent of all people. but he had come here to talk to her, even hear her out. this seems the least she could do.

she offers him a shrug, leaning on the table, and smiling.]

So maybe penance and punishment look the same on the outside, but doesn't it matter how you treat it that makes the real difference anyway?

As one of the few still trying to adhere to Her will? No.

[ He scratches the side of his face - and lets his nails stay against his skin for a few seconds longer. ]

To strive to be better than what we are, you mean? Yes, I suppose. No, it is how it's supposed to be, but -- [ Breathing a sigh, he drifts his eyes down to his coffee then back to her face. ]

Maria, what year is it for you back home? [ He assumes Heather must have asked a similar question to her, but he needs to know. It'll help him be able to answer the question of how he treats his current predicament, and how she should view their universe, as well.

At this moment, he's putting a lot of hope in the payout to investing with her. ]

[of all the questions he would ask, she didn't expect that.]

1993. [Heather has not asked her. if anything, it seemed like Heather was desperate for things to be normal for them. any serious conversations usually happened because of Maria. which was another reason why she couldn't go to Heather.

but why is Vincent asking?]

What does that matter for what we're talking about?

[ Pulling his hands away from the cup, he clenches them into fists and brings them up against his mouth. He stares down at his knuckles as he seems like he might scream --

-- his hands drop.

His face relaxes.

He breathes out a sigh. ]

It's 2003 for Heather and me. [ Interlacing his fingers, he rests his hands on the table. ] God is going to be driven mad. She will descend onto the mortal plane ... Paradise and Hell will become the same. [ His mouth twitches into a smile but his tone of voice remains calm. ]

If I will live forever here, will that be penance for trying to spare our universe? Or will it be punishment for its destruction? [ His shoulders lift. ] Who's to say.

[Ernest had said the gods lived in Silent Hill. Maria still did not agree with that. whatever was there was not holy. there were powers, she was living proof of that, but it wasn't a god. it was something else. Heather had talked about the cult and that's all it was. a group of people worshipping something they thought they knew, could understand. they were lunatics and they were idiots, Maria thought.

and so what Vincent says doesn't sound insane. seems completely possible. there were some people who wanted to bring forth such things, and relished in the idea of a god returning no matter what that meant.

she wonders if that's why she and James were brought here as well. she still wasn't positive she wasn't here because James was here. but who would bring James here? he couldn't save anybody. he certainly didn't care about anything but Mary. no, there was nothing they could do about that.

she's pulled a classic Vincent move as she thought this over, quiet and lost in thought. taking a sip of her latte, she finally talks:]

If you live forever here then isn't that a chance to prevent this? Isn't this just a trial, a test of your own convictions? [isn't that how this religion thing always works?] This is something you want to prevent, isn't it?

I was wondering about the wording of saving our universe. Do you think it could be found in what I am proposing?

[ The cup is lifted - a small sip taken. ] I'm already dead back home. I no longer have the means to prevent what has happened. [ Setting the cup back down, it makes a soft sound against the table. ] We're saving our universe from destruction of an outside force. However, if we prove our universe is worth saving, perhaps, we can parlay to save it from an internal source.

[ This is why he has been humoring the idea of time travel. If Maria is here from another time, perhaps, he can also be sent back to a different point. He intends do everything he can to save Harry Mason. Together with his daughter, he believes they can stop the future Heather and he was unable to prevent. Of course, interfering with Claudia that early, he's certain she will kill him.

In the end, he'll die without knowing if what he wants prevented will be. His Paradise and eternal life will be in the hands of others because he does not want his God to go insane. Still, while the investment is risky, the payout is too good to give up on. ]

That will be my request. [ A sigh. ] But, if that's not possible, will you help me in asking for the destruction of our universe? Perhaps, even convincing Heather of it when the time comes, as well?

[to think she came here to get out of her mind and now she's only in it more. what else did she expect from Vincent? she should have known this would happen.

he's revealed a lot. even to request this from her is saying a lot, she knows. it should surprise her he had died in his world but it doesn't. at this point, anything seems possible. why be surprised by something she's gone through three times before? and it seems like this place keeps bringing dead people. probably they are the ones to fight harder.

when she considers his request, to maybe destroy their universe if it came to be, her immediate instinct is to say no because what about people like Laura? didn't she deserve a chance? and yet in ten years, where was Maria anyway? vaguely she knows exactly where she is and she doesn't want to think about it right now.]

If they can help save it from an outside force then they can save it from whatever's going on with it, don't you think? [that's what she wants to believe and yet...

she sighs. people like her, Vincent, and James were the only hopes for their universe. what good was that? really, it probably stood on Heather's shoulders.] But I do see your point. Unfortunately. If you can't stop eternal suffering then might as well just prevent it from ever happening, huh. Destroy it all. I'll consider it...if you tell me one thing and one thing only. Are you going to hurt Heather? Was that ever part of your plans? Be honest with me. [she doesn't know if he will be but from the sounds of it, he is desperate.]

She deserves a break, don't you think?

[ He holds his hands out in surrender, indicating that he isn't sure if they can save it from whatever is happening inside. While Heather did expel the fetus of God, Claudia ate it like a lunatic - and gave it a new vessel. If time is still progressing, it's uncertain what is even left of their world.

A God that knows only pain and suffering will not be able to usher in Paradise. At least, Claudia seemed to reflect on the error of her judgment and was willing to burn forever in Hell for it! But she shouldn't have taken everyone with her!

Vincent opens his mouth to add in a "thank you" that she'll consider it but pauses at the questions about Heather. His mouth twists a little as he shifts to look out the windows of the cafe. ]

There was a time when I believed it would be best to kill her. [ Honesty is the best policy. While he could hide this now, Heather would know the truth. But Heather is too useful alive; she also is too powerful for someone like him to kill. ] But I've given up on that way of thinking.

I'm doing what I can to keep her safe. I've acquired items that will keep her from being influenced by both the divine and demonic. [ He breathes in. ] Furthermore, even if I lack the power and means, I will do what I can to keep her alive and well. Even if that may mean my temporary death. [ He rests his hands back down on the table. ] Perhaps, that is my penance for not doing so sooner.

[ Of course, he's seen and heard Alessa in Heather. They're the same. If Heather dies, what would she lose? What piece of her could be lost? It's too frightening to think about what it could be. It's safer if he's the one that dies instead if there's a choice between the two.

Not everything is so simple for him; not everything is without his complications. There is always something selfish and rotting in why he does any good deed. Of course, he would never see it that way. ]

[it doesn't seem like he's lying. Maria can't say she's an expert about such things but well, why would he admit he had ever considered killing Heather if he just wanted Maria on his side? right now, with what Maria was demanding, honesty really was the best policy. especially when she had become close with Heather.

she taps a foot on the ground and thinks, really thinks. if Vincent's goal is to help Heather then maybe helping Heather means being honest with Vincent.]

I'll put my cards on the table, Vincent. I fold. You should know that I'm no key to anything. I was born in Silent Hill. But not like you. [she doesn't want to tell the whole thing. it's still something that makes her deeply uncomfortable, wondering how the other will react. Vincent certainly could react in some very unfortunate way.]

If we go back to our universe then I'm of no use. To anybody, really. So any good I can do for you will be here. I'd suggest asking James but he's just as useless, if I'm being honest.

[ There is a second where he is happy to hear that she's folding. However, his expression falls soon after hearing that she was born in Silent Hill. Not like him? ]

Not one of the Order, then. [ Cards on the table; she was born from one of the "heathen" families that were outside of the cult's control. Then she left for Ashfield. All right, he supposes he understands her hesitation to tell him anything. ] Fine, I get it. You thought I was one of those maniacs that would kill you for being from town but not following Her. [ Or at the very least attempt to brainwash. ]

This is why I don't like the connotations that the lunatics made about the Order. [ God will save the guilty, the non-guilty, the believer, and non-believer, when She descends. They only need to worry about expanding their message to those who will listen - he waves his hand as he doesn't need to mentally go over an old argument he had about the structure and rebuilding of the cult. ]

You are useful, Maria. And you're less of an eyesore to me than James is.

[in the end, it was good she said she lived in Ashfield. she wasn't ready to tell Vincent too much about herself, what she was. when it came to that then she didn't know what someone who understood Silent Hill would think of that. would think of her. even she didn't know what she was and what it meant because whatever the powers were in that town, it had created her.

what he said seemed like such an obvious answer. she'll go with it.]

You can't deny the town really started to fall apart. [in more ways than one.]

But I appreciate the compliment because I'm taking it as one. James is...[she waves a hand, like she can't quite come up with a word] single-minded. He only has one goal and anything else won't matter. Maybe if you told him any of this, he might help here but back in our universe? He is of no help to anybody.

[but enough of that guy. Maria doesn't want to talk about James.] I do want to help Heather. I feel bad for her. She's gone through so much and then to be brought here...it isn't fair. She deserves some good. I want her to come back to a world where she can be happy and grow. That's what should matter. If that can't happen, then...I see your point. I do.

It has, but that returns us to my initial concern. [ Salt and burn the universe. ]

It is one. [ Vincent chimes quickly when she says she's taking his comment as a compliment. His hand waves before he curls it into a fist and slams it down on the table. The vibrations cause his cup to wobble but not fall over. ] Heather wants to concern herself with that tourist but she shouldn't! He walks among the grace of God and sees nothing! I know he's useless! He couldn't even convert after seeing --

[ Holding his hands out, he dips his chin down and calms down. ] I don't know if that's possible, but despite how this world is, she does have the chance for happiness. I believe we should support her to live as peacefully and well here as she can. She can be a teenager without worrying about the state of the universe.

When that time comes, it'll come. She doesn't need to have that on her plate of concerns.

[and she thought she had issues with James. she can't say she doesn't hate him because she does. she's angry at him and her lashing out at him on that stupid social network post showed just that. but he doesn't make her react like this.] Easy there, bestie. This is what's making the locals flee. [acting crazy because someone isn't joining your cult!

and you know, the horrors and all.

but she's happy to know he seems to show the same concerns about Heather. it surprises her. considering all that Heather had said that happened, which she doesn't think Heather would lie about. a guilty conscience? maybe realizing your mistakes after you're dead? who knows. but she does think Vincent won't hurt Heather here.]

So we agree. That's good news. Otherwise this entire coffee date would have become very awkward very fast. I haven't told her that I'm from Silent Hill, by the way. Can you at least let me break that one to her? I lied, by omission. But you can see why I didn't tell her. She didn't need to think I was part of the same group that killed her father. [even if Maria had no idea about that until recently but lets not think about that one too hard.]

[ He breathes out a sarcastic ha-ha before clicking his tongue. ]

I imagine it would become awkward. [ Sucking in a breath, he uses that as a pause before saying: ] She already suspects so the sooner the better in telling her. [ He holds his hand out to her before ending the gesture by picking up his cup to drink more of his coffee.

Running his tongue along his teeth, he smiles. ] I'm surprised she mentioned her father was killed. Tell her to be careful about that, hm? I don't think she's going to listen to me, but she shouldn't tell people what her weaknesses are. [ He rolls the cup in his hands, again.

Vincent doesn't consider telling Maria that he intends to save their universe through destruction a weakness. It is something he has been thinking about, is all. The penance and punishment that will come with living eternally on Etraya after is something he'll have to live with if he can't avoid the former. But it's a better situation than what may happen.

No, the real fear and weakness is in one of her questions - he has been forsaken by God for failing to stop Claudia's blasphemy and heretical ritual. How much prayer can be offered to a God he hopes can never come here, because She may still be insane?

His chin dips as he lifts it - silence broken. ] I'm sure you'll break it to her delicately, but still... break it to her delicately. I would hate for her to get the wrong idea.

She's young. No matter how strong she is, no matter how much she may have gone through, she's still a girl wanting someone to rely on. [which should not be Maria but for some reason, it became Maria. she doesn't really understand why Heather had told her but she guessed it was because she felt 'safe'. who knew? but it was a position that Maria did cherish and she didn't want that to change.]

I'll tell her. Especially about being careful. I don't know why her and James are so ready to tell everybody about Silent Hill. I'd never mention the name if I could help it. [that had been her plan.

and then James told her he had told people about Silent Hill, the stupid useless man he was.

still, Heather was just a teenager. really just a child. she couldn't help it.]

I'll be careful with her. [she gives Vincent a smile, though, and cradles her coffee in her hands. it's a real smile.]

You know, you're being very nice. If you acted like this more then it'd really get you more flies than whatever vinegar you keep tossing around.

[ Opening his mouth, he makes a wet sound before shaking his head. He thinks of telling her she's much older than she appears; Alessa is inside of her, after all. However, he waves his hand dismissively. That bit of information isn't something that he's going to spill to anyone.

Heather can decide to explain to Maria - or not! He hopes it'll be "or not." If it were up to him, he'd like for her to remain a teenage girl. That's easier to maintain and control if need be. ]

Because Heather is young and James wants me to kill him with a rock. [ He breathes out another sigh. ] As useless as his net worth is, he still has some worth enough to get along with him. Still, I'm surprised the two of you became so close already, but whatever. [ He's not the boss of Maria. And he can use James as a food-tester if he's uncertain of some food, so that's about how much worth Vincent is putting in him at the moment. ]

Thank you.

[ He immediately makes a face. ] I'm being myself. [ He squints. ] I have no desire to act nice or friendly for the sake of friendship or getting along with people. They either are worth it or they are not. So far, no one's worth me being sincerely nice to them save a few. [ He holds a hand out to her. Congrats. ]

There's no reason to smile if you don't want to smile at the person.

[he really does not like James! it's almost laughable and she wonders why that is. really because he didn't convert to the cult? she'd said he was single-minded.] I knew James before we came here. I wouldn't even say we're close. [James wouldn't say they were close.] He went to the bar I worked at. Simple as that. You get to know a man that way. [she points to Vincent because this ties into her comment.]

Which is my point to you. I see your point because there are some people I'd rather never see again. But for a guy who cares about people's worth, shouldn't you try to give an honest attempt? More flies, Vincent, like I said. People are more willing to share parts of themselves when you're being nice. [she shakes his hand before he can even pull it away. probably the most surprising part is she holds his hand. he'd kept trying to before and well, he's earned the hand-holding. friendship truly gained.]

I was honest with you because you were being genuine with me. I'm no rocket scientist here but the math is pretty simple. [finally she removes her hand and brings it back to her side.]

But I can't say I'm the best person about this stuff either so take me with a grain of salt.

[ His face scrunches up as he waves his hand. He doesn't want to hear it. ]

I care about their worth, yes, but I also care about fallout. When they realize I'm not a nice person, the conflict that will be created isn't something I want. [ It is better to be thought of as a "bad person who does good things" than a "good person who does bad things." Something that he attempted to instill in Chrollo. ]

I'll pretend to be nice to a few people. [ Candidates for the Order since he is still trying to figure out how to show his sincere apology to God. ] But there's no reason to make life difficult for myself. A persona can only be held onto for so long.

And no one is worth pretending to be someone else. [ Even the masses here don't deserve it! He would start biting people if he had to act like anyone else but himself! ] I'm aware of my personality better than most and it's best to figure out who is a worthy investment under normal circumstances rather than abnormal circumstances.

[ But he's still surprised that she takes his hand and holds it. This is becoming a thing in their world, isn't it? Well - it feels like less of a joke, anyway. ]

Anyway, figure out what reputation you want to have... then be however you want to be. So long as it doesn't disrupt that reputation, you have all the freedom in the world.

[he is bringing up valid points, she realizes. especially because she had tried to keep up the persona of 'just a normal person' and had kept failing. it didn't help when other people knew you. Heather knew Vincent and so he could try to be as nice as he wanted, Heather would call him out the instant he had a toe out of line.

it's strange to understand Vincent.]

Okay, fair. Don't you get lonely, though? [and maybe that's more of her thing. maybe she's just lonely and maybe that's why she can't help but simply want to be someone people liked. no matter what that took. who she had to be to make that happen.

suddenly Vincent's tarot cards come back to her and she's frowning.]

Your damn cards. They're starting to make sense.

[ Since it isn't a weak point for him, he decides he can tell her. He thinks of himself as very normal and sane; however, she's aware he's a cult member which means he can say something a little off-putting. ]

You've asked me this before but let me put things this way. [ Gesturing to her. ] If I was going to do something that would harm Heather irreversibly, I believe you would kill me even if it would be temporary, yes? [ Not waiting for her reply, he continues. ] I don't think that affects our relationship at all. But that is a unique situation we find ourselves in here.

Anyone can do something that means the best course of action is that person's death. [ His shoulders bounce. ] That is the workings of the Order. I don't feel lonely because I don't know what loneliness feels like. [ He sits back in his chair. ] Because it's always been like this for me.

[ He chuckles soon after. ] Tarot isn't real. You're just sorting your thoughts out to do what you already wanted or thought of doing, Maria.

[does he not realize how sad this sounds? she remembers Heather telling her that part of her just felt bad for Vincent and actually, Maria can understand. all he's known is this life? so has Maria but she still felt lonely. the only difference was she wasn't brainwashed. didn't believe that she should find her own peace in this.

but she knows if she shows pity, Vincent won't like it. to him, this was his life's purpose and what he was supposed to do. Maria didn't see how she could change that.]

See, I don't understand that. Tarot might not be real but I've always been alone. There were no real connections I could make. [her eyes stay on her cup, her finger moving along the handle. she does not want to make eye contact with Vincent as she talks about this. as she's vulnerable.] I don't see how you can't know what it's like. That gnawing, aching feeling. Wanting somebody, anybody, to hear you. To listen to you. Knowing that you could cry but it wasn't like there would be somebody to hear you. [her hands clutch at her cup now, holding it tightly. it's moments like this that she knows it isn't just her feelings inside of her. surely this must also be Mary's feelings, that sadness and ache knowing how alone she was. how alone she would be when she would die...

Maria can't stand it. she's never been able to. how did Mary do this for so long, she wonders. how did she stand it?]

I would do anything to stop that feeling. I would be whatever I had to be so I'd never be alone again. [her eyes go to Vincent's quickly before she's looking away, not able to keep eye contact for long.]

I don't understand how you can't know that feeling but well, maybe it's what has always held me back. Maybe I'm so caught up in it that I don't even see myself.

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